h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Heya beeline, how's it goin?

And why on earth haven't you written any Journal entries about your impending holiday? Hmmmmmmmm? The world would like to know about that! The world will be very pleased to hear it! I really think it would just make the world's day, and it's rather selfish of you to refuse to do a nice world such a simple turn.

The world told me personally that it was waiting to hear about beeline's impending holiday. I'm sure it will be unhappy to know it's been put on hold.

The world was very impatient. It's face-- oh, I mean Europe-- was going red as it talked to me. Now that could be dangerous.

*commences quiet panicking over the endangered safety of her friends in the world's 'face'*

Ahh, yes but they'll all be okay as long as beeline plays along. Otherwise, who know's what may happen.

Knows, I meant knows. I do know my apostrophe's, it was a typo, I swear.

Well, I've given Europe a quick slap and told him not to have a cow, man. The reason I haven't written anything for a while is because I've been writing, if you can believe that.

My book on the last holiday has got to about 150 pages now, and I'm ploughing on during work (naughty) and in the evenings. I can't really put it online as it's still being juggled around and edited, and anyway, if I put it here no-one will buy the book. Because it's obviously going to be an international best-seller.

And monkeys might fly out of my butt, if I choose for them so to do.

*sits around and waits for monkeys*

*Strains* Gnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Fly my beauties! Fly!

Er...do you need some, um, cream or something after that?

Mmmmmmmmmmm yes please!

Salve. Now there's a nice word.

*feels vaguely embarassed to have read that*

Salve.....

Gosh, was I really like that five weeks ago? How embarrassing!

I've really come on since then, haven't I?

Another nice word I've not seen for a while: Vituperative.

Ha HA!! It was all part of my master plan.

I submit, for your linguistic enjoyment, an oldie but a goodie:

Pickle.

Thank you.

Oh, bravo! *gives standing ovation*

I'm more of a 'melismatic' man myself. I like 'M's, you see.

A nice quote from Stephen Fry: "When I think about politicians, a sudden urge to fill the air with industrial-strength obscenities sweeps over me like a simoom."

[simoom: hot, dry desert wind of the Kalahari that approaches with no warning, usually bringing sand storms.]

No no NO! Bravo to you, Sir!!

Lovely! Just lovely.

Fantastic quote!

I always like the word "Pate" but I only like it when you pronounce it phonetically the way my stepfather does.

"Have some pate honey!" He would tell me, shoving goose liver under my nose and chasing me around the house with it.

Speaking of quotes, here's a good one I just got in the mail today, courtesy of Emo Phillips: "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer, but imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."

And to stay marginally near whatever the topic was, a few favo(u)rite words:

Ubiquitousness, weasel, claptrap, heebie-jeebies (particularly when James Earl Jones says it), gubernatorial, smack, antelope, bassoon, and, of course, monkey.

Aardvark.

Whether or not it's followed by "Joe".

LOL! Oooooooo James Earl Jones!

Rapscallion, Dweeb, Garfish, Execrable, Pimento, Syzygy (useful one, that, and scores quite well in Scrabble), Enthralling, Piquant, Resplendant, and, of course, Taumatawokatangihangakouaoutamateaturipukukapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenaiakitanatahu - a place in New Zealand. Not quite so useful, that one, unless you live there.

Then there's Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch also.

Ah - that old gem. I have a (very long) postcard from there! The only word with four consecutive 'L's in it!

The thing is, can you pronounce it?