h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Lack of self-esteem has been a really, really big problem in my life. There've been times when I've thought so badly of myself that I've tried to commit suicide. I've been through hell and back, and experienced so much. I've been depressed, suicidal, angry at everything. I used to lash out whenever people approached me. I'd spend days without talking to anybody, fearing that they'd just laugh at me. And yet, I'm only fourteen. Think about that for a minute.

I went to something called a Challenge Day, orginised by my school. It's kind of a huge group-therapy session. I spent all day in the same room, with complete strangers, doing stuff that, at first, seemed completly pointless, but which, looking back, I see all served a purpose.

The mentors and leaders in the room created something that I've never experienced before. I felt safe; able to tell people about who I really am, what I've gone through. I believe that h2g2 should be able to do that.

The Challenge Day leaders use an icebery as an analogy. 10 percent of you is above water. Your image, the front that you portray to the people around you. But there's still that 90 percent below water, that you keep hidden.

It's there that you really need to search. Look inside yourself, past others, and try to understand how your life got so bad. There'll be something in there that you need to let out. Something that's been holding you down for years.

I know, it's scary. You look inside and see all those emotions that you thought you'd put away. I looked, and I realised something. The stuff that happened to you in the past shouldn't be bottled up like you've done. That low self-esteem isn't there because you're a bad person. It's because other people have done stuff to you and you haven't had a chance to let it out.

I cried that day. I stood at the side of the room and I cried. People who I'd never met supported me. Eventually I talked about what had happened to me - how I was bullied in 5th grade. How my parents shouted and screamed at me, and hit me. The way that I felt inside when my grandma died. Everything.

I realised: it wasn't me that was screwed up. I shouldn't be going around avoiding other people, not being able to speak up about what I want. I'm not stupid, I'm not unworthy. I'm a wonderful person, and I just need to get rid of what I feel about all of the s**t that life has dealt me.

If you're reading this, or just surfing the web, afraid to ask for help, support or just someone to talk to because you feel that your problems don't matter, that they're stupid, that it's uncool to need a shoulder to cry on, please, just tell someone. In fact, talk to me. Drop me a line at my Personal Space and I would be so happy to help another person to do what I've done.

Lower the waterline. Even if it's just for one message. Please, just speak out about the things that you know you need to let out, but can't.

You can. I did. It helps.

I'm in high school in California, USA. I'm self-confident. I've got a group of friends who've supported me so much. I want to give something back. If there's anybody else out there who's really, really low, like I was, then please, just talk. It'll help, I promise.


Metaki (unofficial h2g2 counseler )

"I'd spend days without talking to anybody, fearing that they'd just laugh at me. And yet, I'm only fourteen. Think about that for a minute."

I don't need to think about that, I spent weeks not talking to anyone at school (many years ago). The causes were different however and I had love at home so was never anywhere as down as you have been.

To understand all this at fourteen, that's pretty amazing. I wish I had. I missed out on a lot at school, I'm so glad you are not.