h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It all happened in the first 30 seconds.

Mika Hakkinen, back from holiday with his ever-present and now pregnant wife in tow, somehow managed to claim pole position on Saturday, and went scampering off into the distance from the start of the race, with David Coulthard follwing from second place. So far, so ordinary, until Ricardo Zonta, in an unexpected 6th position on the grid, gently nudged Michael Schumacher out of the way and into an accident on the second corner of the first lap. In the ensuing mayhem, the middle of the field had to take to the grass to avoid the tangle of cars in the middle of the track, slowing them down and allowing the back markers to come unusually close to the front of the field, including a spectacular performance by Pedro De La Rosa who, instead of being third from last, suddenly found himself third from the front until his car let him down.

The eventual top three of Hakkinen, Coulthard and Barrichello was predictable enough, but the other results looked like they had been picked out of a hat - Villeneuve in 4th, Button 5th, Salo 6th and "lucky" Johnny Herbert a frustrating 7th. And with no points again for Michael Schumacher, the top 3 drivers are now only 8 points apart!

Was it not in fact in the very first corner of the first lap that Zonta bumped Schumacher? I think that if Schumacher had made it to the second corner, Zonta wouldn't have been within a mile of Schumacher, and wouldn't then have been able to play bumper cars with him.

Errrrrrrr... you could be right.

Oh, sorry.. My mistake.. Due to the unorthodox lap couunting of the Austrian GP, it was actually the first corner of the SECOND lap that Zonta played bumper cars with Schumacher. The positional lap counted as a lap in the race. Officially, it's a 71-lap race, but they only race 70 and count the positional lap as the 71st..

So if it had happened on the first lap, it would have been even funnier.

Very true.. But if it had happened on the first lap, Schumacher would have been able to start in the spare car. NOt sure if he'd have to start from the pit lane or at the back of the grid, though...

Well, after the accident he did try to drive back onto the track and park sideways across it so they'd have to red flag the race, but it didn't work...

That's pretty much what he does every race. Block the racing track, that is. Did you hear the interview Louise Goodman had with him, during the race, when he actually said that the officials "UNFORTUNATELY did a great job clearing the track". The little cheat!

I'm sure his lawyers are scouring through the rulebook looking for some way he can claim that it was within the rules!

They're probably looking for some loop hole in the rules to be able to say that the race should have been red-flagged and that they should do a re-race so that he can still win it.

And consequently, he can start from the front of the grid and everyone else has to start from the pit lane.

Not to mention the small prints that shows that if any car (except for Barichello's) has a top speed of more than 65 mph they will get a 10-second stop/go penalty, and if the cars after that still has a top speed of more than 65 mph, they will be disqualified. If Barichello should happen to finish less that 25 seconds after Schumacher, that rule will apply for him as well.

We should start a Schumacher appreciation society. Oh, let's not then.

NO WAY! I saw Schumacher try to to get the track blocked - that was the pits!

*laughs appreciatively at "pits" joke*

Wasn't sure anyone would, it seemed a bit dated once I'd posted. My brother still says it a lot.
I've never met anyone "live" on h2g2 before , and I'm just about to disconnect bt and get to bed.
I was visiting your page to crib how to put links in forums which I'd noticed you do. It worked! So thanks for that.

Always glad to be of service! *raises hat*

Actually EV it was all over before it started. Poor old Eddie had his stomach problems poor mite.

Are you sure Johnny Herbert didn't spike Eddie's drink so that he could be the team's top driver for once?

If Johnny "lucky" Herbert tried to spike anything he'd end up with puncture wounds.