h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Weight Watchers part two. What was Bridget Jones complaining about? - A998904
Author: useless hound - U214221

hey ho

I can just imagine what your personal journal is like.

Cheers Jodan. Wouldn't dare write one...would contain far too many bleeps and alcohol amnesia. I've started to talk to the saturday girls in shorthand as it is!
Take care
Boots

I thoroughly enjoyed reading that. I think your writing is really good and I love your dialogue, internal and otherwise. A couple of comments, on the assumption that you want comments.

I did a double take on the bit where your political activism is born - it was unexpected. I even skimmed the next paras to check you hadn't accidentally copy/pasted something in. Of course you hadn't. Perhaps it was my expectations of the piece being mainly about WW that were wrong. Don't get me wrong, I really liked both that bit and having a new theme brought in, it just threw me when I first read it.

When you say "did I tell you that I frequent the occasional chat room?" this is the first time I became aware of you, the main character, directly addressing me, the reader. Until now I've felt I was eavesdropping on the main character's thoughts. Perhaps I haven't been paying attention. And I'm not saying that it matters.

The tone of this piece was a little different from the first one, less acerbic maybe. Again that's not a criticism, just a comment. If WW1 was one end of a scale and your Carmel piece the other I'd place this a quarter along from the WW1 end. Sort of. And it may be due to my mood in reading rather than yours in writing.

I loved this bit;

"'Oh no!'

''No one starts a letter with "Oh no"."

I'd like to start a letter wth "Oh no!" It could be the complete contents of a letter - perhaps in reply to this morning's council tax bill .

Well I'll be off to witter somewhere else,
Waz

Hi Waz and thanks for all of that. made really good sense. Don't think I was even conscious of the shift from eavesdropping to conversation, but as soon as you pointed it out, it was obvious. (Must be enjoying h2g2 too much). Will go and edit. Very valid points. The political influence again owes its uncovering to site. Mmmmm. A genuine character trait but again muddled owing more to the pimply student than to Miss Hippo. 'Separate your chraracters from reality oh stupid Boots... hey ho'. My lack of craftmanship and dicipline doth not combine well with a malformed meandering mind!
Thank you for the acerbic comment...how cool...one of my favourite words!
Seriously Waz thanks. This site just gets better!
Take care
Boots

Better?

Brilliant!
It was such a relief you didn't mind the comments. Then I was worried that you were changing anything based on my comments but this is excellent. No double take interruptions now and I love 'Saddam Sally' . And "I haven't got time to fart on a saturday" and the memories from starry velvet flares, Giles Brandreth short sleeved sheep jumpers, and big collared, wide sleeved blouses under. Oh dear, those were the days! .
Waz

Thanks a mill. Unfortunately thanks to your pearls have now got to re write some 16,000 words of a not for h2g2 material....Hey ho! But you are right!
Take care
Boots

... now I'm worried again...


particularly if that means we have to wait longer for part three. I can't wait to hear about the civic disobedience.
Waz