Last week I left you with Firefly heading off to Phobos. And he of course had lots of little adventures on the way, like that time he very nearly (but not quite) shut his foot in the door of a train car, and when he ate that bad basket of fries while he was waiting in the station (and got very mild food poisoning,) and of course the infinite amount of artfully ducking past the Martian Police force and generally trying to blend in (which of course he does quite well, after being on Earth for so bloody long and not being discovered
until that Jade girl came along and all that.). But of course, actually taking the time to tell you about that would take weeks, and to tell you the truth I really can't be bothered to do that just now. Let's just assume that, for all intents and purposes, that Firefly had very safely gotten off the train and made it to Phobos, and is now seated quite comfortably in the Inn of the Prancing Ponyta, puffing on a
bubble pipe ('cos he dun smoke like that.). Okay? OKAY! …On with the tale then.

*It is raining. And hard. Jade, Link, Sera and Segue run up to a very large gate and knock on it. A small window opens in it and a very grumpy and wet Officer Jenny scowls down at them.*
Jenny: What do you want?
Jade: We’re heading for the Prancing Pony.
Jenny: *opens a small door in the gate and stands in it, scowling more, (But just for effect, you see.)* Martians. Four Martians!
Segue: Yeah, we're everywhere like that... *rubs the back of his neck*
Jenny: *rolls her eyes* You're from the Citadel, aren’t you? Huh. What business brings you to Phobos?
Jade: We want to stay at the inn. Our business is our own.
Jenny: All right, all right, I didn’t mean to offend you. Come on in. *she ushers the four of them in through the doorway and shuts it behind her* It's my job to ask questions after nightfall. People have been talking about seeing some real freaks on the road... You can't be too careful, you know.
Link: Heh-heh...


*They walk through the rain-drenched town, trudging through rust-red mud, and very nearly getting stepped on by some really big tourists from Betelgeuse VII, who were arguing about some Ultra-Cricket game that happened some forty years ago. But eventually they make it to the
Prancing Ponyta and push open the door, lifting the sodden hoods off their heads and shaking out their hair (At least in the case of Sera.). The Prancing Ponyta is a very loud and racy sort of bar, and Japanese karaoke joint. There are shadowy folks in dark booths conducting shady
business, and very ugly Martian men slurping big flagons of mulled lemonade and belching loudly, and lots of busty Lemonade Wenches bustling about with trays full of greasy spiced curly fries. Jade and the others approach the main counter. After a few minutes, and a certain disturbing amount of grunting, a shrivelled green face peers over the counter at them.*
Jade: Excuse me?
Yoda: Evening it is, mistresses and masters. A good one, hmm. If accommodations you seek, nice cosy rooms we have. Mints on pillows, yes… *Yoda giggles* Always proud to cater to tourists we are, Mistress, uh…?
Jade: …Skywalker. Yes, my name's Skywalker. Heh.
Yoda: Skywalker, yes… *looks somewhat doubtful but refrains form comment*
Jade: We're friends of James the Blue. Can you tell him we've arrived?
Yoda: James? *thinks* James… Oh yes… Remember I do. Scrawny he was, short hair he had, and blue it was, yes?
Jade: *nods, smiles*
Yoda: Seen him for six months, I have not.
Jade: *frowns, turns back to the others*
Sera: What do we do now…?


*A bit later, they are seated at a table, poking at baskets of curly fries and glasses of pink lemonade.*
Jade: Sera, he'll be here. He'll come.


*Segue walks to them at the table, carrying quite a large glass of lemonade with both hands. He sets it on the table. Link looks on in awe.*
Link: What's that?
Segue: This, my friend is a gallon.
Link: It comes in gallons…?
Segue: *from the rim of the glass, grunts in the affirmative.*
Link: I am so getting one… *runs off to the bar*
Sera: You've got a whole half already!
Jade: *rolls her eyes, laughs*
Sera: *points a curly fry in the general direction of a dark booth* That guy has done nothing but stare at you since we came in.
Jade: What, do you think he wants my number or something? Ha. *she flags down Yoda, who is on his way to another table with a pitcher of lemonade* Excuse me.
Yoda: Yes?
Jade: That guy in the corner booth there. Who is he?
Yoda: A Hitchhiker, he is. Dangerous people, Hitchhikers are, wander the universe, they do. Wandered in two days ago, he did, caked in red dust, he was. All over the floors, it got. Had to scrub it I did. Mad as all , I was. His real name, I do not know. Stomper, the name he gave me was.
Jade: *raises an eyebrow* Stomper, eh? *She looks at him, and watches a bubble float up from his pipe and hit a passer-by's coat sleeve with an inaudible pop*


*The gauntlet begins to glow slightly, and a chorus of voices can be heard whispering 'Jade'...*
Jade: *Her eyes roll back in her head and she begins going in a bit of a trance again. (Like in chapter ten!)*
Link: Goddess…? Sure I know a Goddess!
Jade: *Snaps out of her reverie.*
Link: She's over there. *points over his shoulder at their table* Jade the Goddess. She's a friend of my brother's, and kind of my friend by proxy I guess, but she steals my Pokémon coins all the time…
Jade: *runs over and grabs Link by the shoulder* Link…!
Link: *begins spilling his gallon a bit* Hey, watch it, Ja—
Jade: *trips over someone's foot, falls onto her back, forcing her jacket to slide off her hand and show the gauntlet shining brightly on her hand.*


*Martians gasp*
Jade: *For the sake of continuity, promptly disappears.

The camera goes all squishy with the outlines around both Jade and the other people's feet, and table legs and things. A Jigglypuff, wreathed in flame, appears in the distance, but speeds toward Jade.*


Jigglypuff: You cannot hide. *coming closer*
Jade: *dives under a table*


Jigglypuff: I see you… *closer still*
Jade: *presses herself up against a table leg and begins frantically fiddling with the clasp o her gauntlet*


Jigglypuff: There is no life in the void… *almost on her*
Jade: *tugging at the gauntlet*


Jigglypuff: …Only death…
Jade: *Finally yanks the gauntlet off, comes sharply

back into focus (meaning that yes, you can indeed see her again.) and breathes a sigh of relief as the Jigglypuff has disappeared.*
Stomper: *runs over and grabs her by the back of her jacket* You draw far too much attention to yourself Miss 'Skywalker.' *he proceeds to drag her up the stairs*

I left it at a cliffhanger again, but not to worry. As Utada Hikaru says, 'sun will shine… it's automatic.'

Tom Green Chronicles Mark II
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