h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So you have come to do battle with the spirits of Dead Mans Paradise! good luck, the forest is dense and dark and contains all amounts of unimaginable horror for you!

i think i will go inside...........

*trips and finds a sword
oh who left this...........

*the forest errupts in a chorus of laughter designed to taunt anthea and her cowardice. crow like voices can be heard coming from all around within the dense trees* 'face the demons anthea, face us anthea.' *there is a stench of dark magic in the air.*

you.......
you dont scare me.......
much..........
*takes sword out of its sheath.....
*atarts causiously walking through forest away from mansion

*she gets only 20 yrds when the first demon shows itself. most off puttingly it looks exactly like anthea except for some talons instead of fingers. the demon starts to approach anthea swiping at her face and chest.*

*anthea sudenly remembers she knows how to use a sword
*she also remembers she is a traind spy and uses camofage techneks to disaper

*the creature stops and looks confused. there is a roar from deep in the forest. the creacture that looks like anthea begins to change. it grows hideous warts on its face, a long protruding snout with rat like teeth. its body outgrows the clothes it was wearing so they shred revealing a hairy torso that looks stretched. the creature drools as it sniffs the air. in one quick snapping motion the creature turns and looks anthea in the eye. it's own eye glow green as it speaks.*

now i see you my pretty.

*the creature jumps forward towards anthea clawing away wildly and snapping it's rodent jaws feverously.*

*anthea swings sword iraticaly
oh no you dont rat boy

*antheas erratic tactics seem to pay off as she deals a blow to the demon which makes it whine and run off into the woods. this leaves anthea in the middle of the dark forest, the dark silent forest. there is a rustling from somewhere in the forest and a cackle from the distance.*

*runs out into a clearing
dam........
who keeps making that noise

*something makes anthea look up in the trees where she sees the most horrible crow like creature. it swoops down and lands 10 feet from her. it is large, the same height as anthea in fact. it's wings are matted and torn. it looks and smells dirty.*

my name is galp'arc, i take it PHENOM sent you to fight the demons? i used to work for him, until i tried to steal his secret and he did this to me. banished i was. i have to survive out here for eternity, or until i get killed and go to hell!
if i were you i'd steer clear of the witches covern, i last saw them to the west of the island but they can move about pretty fast i know!

*galp'arc begins to hobble away, it is obvious his wings don't work that well. do you follow him, he is after all, a demon too?*

*Anthea fallows galp'arc wishing to help she hates to see anamals in destress not even deamon ones

*as he shuffles along he makes grunting noises as he is short of breath. he notices that anthea is following him.*

oh no you don't. i have enough trouble in these woods without you tagging along. those witches will be very interested in you. wouldn't suprise me if they are watching us now?
*a cold breeze blows across the woods sending shivvers down your spine.*

well ok then i will just go this way
*turns back on galp'arc and takes a few steps in the opposite direction

uh well actually, it does get, you know, dangerous out there. perhaps for your protection you should stay with me? eh, what do you think?

*galp'arc shuffles round to the front of anthea blocking her way. right on cue there is a howl. sounds like it came from the mansion.*

uh oh, sounds like his lordship has unleashed his dogs! we best be moving.

*signals anthea to follow him into the forest.*

*anthea sighlently (she new he would change his mind)
*follows galp'arc into forest
why did he relece his dogs...........

he always does when he has a visitor. they get hungry and whine, he hates that it drives him wild. they're not exactly your bulk standard dog but you probably already knew that.they won't take long to pickup your scent. we best move to the bracken wood. they won't go there. they are scared of the golems for some reason?

*galp'arc quickens his pace. it seems the old boy is a little more spry than he first let on.*

*run to cach up with galp'arc
golems what golems

oh, don't you worry about them. they're friendly enough to me, they shouldn't bother you. it's the bracken witches you must be wary of. they aint as powerful as the witches covern but they are still nasty.

*the woods become to look rather more miserable than usual. the ground underfoot has more dead twigs on it than before. a light mist now covers the ground. out of nowhere, as if he were always there stands a golem. over 7 feet tall and bright red eyes.*

you can go no further! *he booms* the witches have decreed a chase. you must obey them!

*galp'arc looks uneasy and begins to tremble.*