h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Football Career of Diego Maradona - A9852393
Author: Galaxy Babe - International Star Wars Day - May the Fourth be with you! Go Vote!! - U128652

Fairly topical this, so I've addressed the issues from the previous submission: F3752589?thread=2400186 put it all in chronological order.

This is a Flea Market rescue so any contributions will be listed as co-author unless you really don't want to be associated with it

Submitted 4 May

Great stuff, GB - it reads much better that way, I think.

I'll have a couple of niggles shortly if that's ok, but I have to keep one eye on my dinner Bear with me...

Ok, here goes:

You use Argentinean and Argentine at various points - I have a feeling Argentine is correct, but I don't think it really matters as long as you settle on one and use it right through.

17-year-old - 17 year old

FIFA calls it the World Youth Championship, but the name may have changed over the years. If it has, you should capitalise 'youth', ie 'Youth World Cup'.

enhance their National and International - their national and European ambitions; Barcelona don't play international football.

Can I add a bit to the quote you took from the last thread?
'...I remember us re-creating it in the playground the next day and for weeks afterwards. We all stopped goal-hanging like Lineker or trying to look majestic like Hoddle; every kid wanted to tear off on a run half the length of the field before slipping it past a befuddled keeper. Even at that age, we knew we'd witnessed something that would pass into legend; and don't forget, this was the most vilified man in football as far as the English were concerned.'
Purleeease?

Scudetto (Italian championship). Maradona's - comma, not full stop

His tally was seven games played but without scoring. - He played seven games without scoring.


I think that's it, though I can't be sure as I think I can smell burning

Updated
(I hope your dinner wasn't burnt)

Thank you

Looks good - I'll come back and hunt for nits later

I'll look forward to that

After a bit of research I think you can say that the transfer fees from Argentinos Juniors to Boca (1 million) and then from Boca to Barcelona (5 million) are both world records, as well as the transfer fee from Barcelona to Napoli as you state already.

I noticed as well that you have some prices in pounds and then one in dollars (his contract at Napoli after they won the Scudetto). You should probably stick to one or the other.

Are you keeping the section on "Maradona - the man"? It only really touches on the story, but I guess it needs to be there...

I've read a few articles on Maradona on BBC Sport recently... maybe you could link to them (or maybe they will be linked to anyway) - they're based on the TV documentary that was on a few days ago, "When Gary met Diego" (I think that was the title). Unfortunately I didn't watch it.

Anyway those links are:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/4907924.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/4950402.stm

Nice to see this article back in PR again.

Thanks
Sorry I missed your post, I'll update tomorrowand thanks very much

GB

Thanks Andy (I watched that programme)

I've completely reworked the ending and changed the dollar amount, added the world-record transfer fees, added the Lineker interview with photo gallery

Hi GB.

Time to give this a good going through, I think.



"One of the most talented1 players ever, and, certainly in English eyes, the most infamous, thanks to his punched 'Hand of God' goal."

This isn't a proper sentence, as it doesn't have any verb. Rather than joining it to the previous sentence, which would make the whole thing very long, I suggest rewording it slightly:

"One of the most talented1 players ever, he is also considered the most infamous, certainly in English eyes, thanks to his punched 'Hand of God' goal."

just 10 days short --> just ten days short

the 17 year old Maradona --> the 17-year-old Maradona (I think)

meteoric rise -- I don't like this phrase, since meteors don't rise, they fall. Can you think of a better one?

"In 1982 Argentina arrived in Spain as the current holders" --

It's not clear what competition we're talking about here. I suggest:

"In 1982 Argentina arrived in Spain for the World Cup, as the current title holders"

expected great things, his record there though was mixed" --> expected great things. His record there, though, was mixed

I don't think the link on Napoli is relevant. Napoli here means the football team. Linking it to a pizza restaurant in Naples seems bizarre.


"Napoli, a team who had never won the championship and often regarded as relegation candidates, was a surprise choice for the prolific talent of Maradona." -- this is an uncomfortable mix of singular and plural. In British ENglish, a team can be singular or plural, but you shouldn't switch in the middle of a sentence.

I suggest breaking it up:

"Napoli was a team which had never won the championship and was often regarded as a relegation candidate. This was a surprise choice for the prolific talent of Maradona."

"The rest of the world remember his breathtaking second goal, which, from his own half-way line, he managed to leave five England players standing to score a most exquisite goal, and described by England coach Bobby Robson as 'a miracle'." -- this is a bit confused. It's got "which he managed to leave five England players standing" in the middle, which doesn't make any sense.

"On 10 May, 1987 in Napoli winning their first Scudetto (Italian championship), Maradona's status in Naples shot from hero to god, and on 11 December he signed a £9m contract to tie him to Napoli until 30 June, 1993." -- this is too long and slightly confused at the start. Break it up.

"his debut for Sevilla FC, unfortunately they lost" -- change comma to semicolon

on the 7 October --> on 7 October

hospitalized --> hospitalised

unsurpassed talent for the beautiful game --> With unsurpassed talent for the beautiful game

Hi Gnomon
All points attended to,

Would you like to be added as contributing researcher to this Flea Market rescue of Gedge's?

No thank you.

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

Well done, Annie!



W

Well done everyone concerned with this

Well done sweetie

Thanks for all your help

*looks around*

Who, me???

Well done!