h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

PLEASE REVIEW/P96851
This forum is to criticise and praise the writers efforts. Correct grammer and spelling. After posting your views, go to the next forum and and add any further knowledge or similar experiences etc. that the writer may use at:
http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=12801&thread=14404

DONT read others reviews. It's your opinion that is required not your opinion on what others have said. If you end up saying the same as someone else then the writer is more likely to agree with your points.

It might work better with the definitions and stuff at the beginning. That might give the relatively amusing impression that having started out as a controlled, careful piece of prose, it broke out into a gale force rant.

overall i liked the piece, it kept my attention and was well written. the only thing i might add would be method of defending against/avoiding gnats, if such a thing is possible.

A refreshing departure from the vegetable theme. Informative and questioning

I like the interactivity (when there were the forum links, since have been removed but it is still fun), it keeps your attention and is as much, if not more, of an entertainment piece rather than an information piece- which isn't necessarily bad, because who would want to actually know things about gnats?
On the other hand, a little serious info. wouldn't hurt, i.e. where they thrive, etc.

Thanks for all your comments so far. I didn't realise that overseeing an experiment like this would take quite as much time as it has.I would like to thank Ginger for holding the fort whilst my computer had a nervous breakdown.

I have been reading your thoughts and only find a little time, today to actually get down to the nitty gritty of of answering you comments about my own page.

Majikthise
Thank you for pointing out your views on the definitions, you are not the only one who has mentioned that they seem out of place. Your suggestion sounds good, another was to include them within the the whole framework of the piece. I have not yet decided which would be the better course.

KAT
Thank you for your review, I don't know if there is any protection against them, Although I do remember, on camping trips, my mother rubbing my forehead with a substance that came in a stick, like lipstick but was colourless. This was supposed to ward the little blighters off. I don't know if it did or not. As a smoker, I tend to blow smoke at them - They don't like it, but it doesn't seem to make them scurry off to far.
I will have to ponder on that one.

Mark Rest
The questioning was an idea I had to encourage a response and as Fenny says in a later reply, it was something she enjoyed. I meant to remove the questions before the fun run started, but good old comp. let me down. I don't know if the links should be re-instated for a submitted page. Your thoughts would be welcome.
In the other forum you mentioned, "In the fact section you have to make your mind up do midges bite or not". Perhaps that part was badly written. The point I was try to say was that Sand Flies and the like were not true midges. I have re-written that sentence and hope it is not so confusing.

Fenny
Thanks for you response. It was written to be light hearted and I am glad you enjoyed it. Sorry about the links dissapearing, I didn't really want people clicking on them instead of the review link. I have removed them completely now. I may put them back later, what do you think? I wrote the piece because many people get confused between Gnats, Midges and Biting Flies. Looks like I will have to do a little more research to add more info, but I will do my bests

I have already started to change the article and as an experiment for the next Fun Run I have put a note pad on the page so you can write your review and re-read at the same time. What do you think?

Thanks again
vegiman

I think that is an excellent idea Vegiman!

A very good start, but needs a conclusion. Maybe a bit of info on how to deter the gnats/midges... Bring the article full circle.

I'd like to see more about how to stop them biting and what to do about the bites afterwards.

Hi Frustreren & Ginger.

Thanks for your comments, This seems to be the main point most are making. How to get rid of them. I don't think there is a way, once they lock their radar like attention to you. just run like mad down wind. Perhaps I will add this. As for a cure, I am not a Doc. but I will try to find out more details. Thanks again.
vegiman

hate to be the grammar police...but i believe you have a run-on sentence in your info section on midges ...maybe if you re-worded it and clarified - for us notsointelligent readers - the difference between midges and 'biting midges' it would be helpful...

the other thing is... i never liked reading pieces written in the second person (you do this...you see this...) because most of the time it sounds a little weird...but that might just be me, i dont know...would your entry be too personal if you wrote it in the first person?

-saffire
heh heh heh...so i finally got off my lazy bum...arent you proud vegiman?

I like'd the page but it could do with some more factual notes about why only some gnats bite.
I read somewhere that it is only the pregnant females that bite, don't know if this is true though.

Hi Saffire.

Your points on 2nd person type writing is noted. It is because I want the reader to put themselves into the situation. Perhaps if I started the piece with 'Just imagine' or 'I want you to imagine'. Would that improve the writing style to be a little less grating for you and others who dislike it. I often have trouble with plural and singular as the openning sentence of this paragraph. Where to put that dam comma and linking sentences (as you spotted) is another problem I have.

Yes I am proud of you and have shown me a side of you I haven't seen before, I like it. Thanks.

Hi paul the brake

There are are over 20,000 different kinds of flies, with many varieties of eating habits. I have not seen any references to different habits between the male & female of the species. I will have to go into it more and find out. I didn't want the piece to be too technical, it's a fun piece and many can relate to the experience. I will certainly ponder on your views on the re-write.

BTW did either of you use the note pad supplied on the page and if so, what do you think of it?

I hope you will all come back and see the finished work.
thanks Vegiman

Vegiman, i have just returned from your OH-GNATS page and would like to say that i found it quite informative and i enjoyed it very much ..until reading your page i did not even know that there was a such a thing as midges, goes to show we learn something new everyday if we take the time to stop and read
monsy

Yes I used the note pad. very usefull

Hey Vegiman I have used my user journal at last and I'm guessing you already had a look at but it was blank then, have another look now you might find it of interest and then again maybe not

no i did not use the note pad but thank you for putting it up there
when is the new and improved oh-gnats coming out?!
-saffire

Sorry for taking so long to answer. I really have been very busy and working on new projects, also my page is so busy sometimes that within a matter of a few hours, replies have slipped off the end of my page before I have chance to notice them.

I will take a look at your new journal, I havn't as yet but that can be easily rectified.

Thank You Monsy - Perhaps they are not called that in the States. Gnats v Midges or are they just those Dam Flies.

Saffire I hope to get on with it at the weekend after re-studying everybody's views. The fun Run is closing this Saturday at 10pm GMT 21st Aug. I am now asking for new pages for the next fun run.
vegiman

THe final (at last) article has bee submitted - Because of all your help I hope to add the names of those who helped me write it as joint persons to blame as referenced reseachers and writers.

It is there now with all its glory to be viewed - I hope you like it.
vegiman