Everyone has got to have standards. That's why we have Psalm Books!

In our continuing willingness to commit ourselves to public service and a little bit of hubris, or karmic pre-loading, we, here, at IPR, YFITA, once again present another in a series of short testimonies, inspirational talks and life-intensifying moments by the leading members of the faithful in our community.

This week, the pearloid words of Mrs. Emily Ylime, of the Ladies Exemplary Fellowship and Concrete Delivery Service, of East Ypsilanti.

According to her friends and enemies, Mrs. Ylime has been involved in the public sector for over fifty years, poking her keen nose and blunted eyesight into every topic and area that she can gain entrance to in the wake of several successful lawsuites by old friends and new enemies.

She has recently ascented to the Chairmanship of the local Zoning Standards Board and, as such, will soon be giving homeowners and liquor license applicants fits, alike.

Ladys and Plumber's Helpers, Mrs. Ylime:

Greetings, Sisters and Brothers in Faith, and all others who should be but just haven't gotten with the program, yet.


Before I begin, let me offer a simple prayer:

Dear Lord,

help your light shine through my humble words today,

and let some poor soul who hasn't really tumbled to the fact that they are going to hell if they don't straighten up their act right soon hear that light in these words,

and seek out an upright person to kneel with them and supplicate you earnestly to have mercy on that poor person and let them enter the ranks of the heaven-bound when the trumpet sounds...,

all this I pray,

Dear Lord,

Amen.


Now, what's this I am always hearing, and it must be loud and persistant, because I'm hard of hearing, just ask my dog or my late husband, Ed, God Rest His Soul, and he needs it,
'cause he worked so hard in life, always away from home, eating out at those nasty fast food restaurants and saving up unrejected poisons in his system until,
I believe, as God is my Witness,
they just rose up out of his stomach where they had lain for years, just gathering up strength, and choked the poor thing to death.

Stranger things have been known to happen, just you watch and see!

What is this that I am always hearing about a "New Age" or a "New Wave" or a "New Way"? It says in Solomon that there is "nothing new under the sun".

What kind of arrogance does it take to claim that out of all time and human experience, that one has something "new" to introduce to the world?

Unless it's something like hydraulic brakes or a cereal that won't get soggy too soon, yet won't make your dentures quake, then it really is a lie, isn't it?

People have been on this planet ever since God created it six thousand and seven years ago and they have been busy like little beavers the whole time! What makes you think you know everything that those beavers have done, Mr. or Mrs. Smarty-Pants, that you can claim that what you just pulled out of your back garden shed is NEW?

God smiles on the diligent, but I don't think he smiles on the ignorant!

So, wake up, people! New ain't new unless it is truly innervating as compared to what hath cometh before.

Educate thine selves and see what hath been wrought by those who came before you and might have known a little better, like Mr. Charles Kettering, whom, if you do not know whom I spaketh, thou shouldst looketh him up!



Now, I will close with a small benediction:

Lord,

thank you for today.

I won't ask about tomorrow,

as I have no right,

but I do have that bridge game against the heathens at the Chapel Ridge Presbyterian Assisted Living Home tomorrow...

but thy will be done,
Amen.
SFX: 30 sec of "The Nails That Held Christ To The Cross Hold Me To My Promises To Him", sung by the Moscow, Indiana Eagle Scout Chorus