Disturbing Parallels I: LOTR & The Fast Show.

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This is a rich seam. Here are some suggestions:

Ted n'Ralph: Frodo & Sam in master/gardener mode. But of *course*!
Johnny Nice Painter: Frodo, during a 'ring psychosis' episode. (i.e. in Osgiliath: 'They're here... they're here! They've landed on the pier!' 'Mordor... the dark shadow... blAcK! BLACK! One for The Dark Lord in his wardrobe of darkness' etc.
'Even better than that!': Smeagol
Brilliant: Pippin.
Rubbish: Merry.
Ken & Kenneth (suits you, sir): Legolas & Aragorn ('A *ring*, sir? A shiny gold one? keep it on a chain, do you sir? Best not put it in your *pocket*, sir...' etc.)
Patrick Nice: Gandalf
Chris (he'll nick anything): Boromir. ('Nah, y'don't wanna give me yer ring, not y' magic ring which only you've bin appointed to carry, I'll nick it!' etc.)
Patagonians (crap musicians in ponchos): Nazgul
Rowley Birkin QC: Theoden, under influence of Saruman.
Ron Manager: Treebeard.
Professor Denzil Dexter: Saruman. ('We cross-bred orcs and water rats. The results were disappointing-' etc.)
13th Duke of Wymbourne: Grima Wormtongue
Paola Fisch: Eowyn
Our Janine: Arwen
Someone's sitting there: Elrond.
Roy & Renee: Celeborn and Galadriel ('I said to myself, 'E's fallen into shadow', what did I say?' 'E's fallen into shadow' etc.)
Jazz Club: Haldir
Offroaders: Eomer & the Rohirrim
Competitive Dad: Denethor.
Jesse (Diets): Random Orc ('I 'ave been mostly eatin' maggoty bread for three stinkin' days/ hobbit legs' etc.)
Colin Hunt: Tom Bombadil.

Swiss Toni:
Unlucky Alf:
Chip Cobb:
Posh Cockneys:
'I'll get me coat':
Isle of Man:
Rambling Hiker & rural madman:
Arthur Atkinson:
Bob Fleming:
Insecure Woman:
Monkfish:
Carl Hooper:
Dave Angel, Eco Warrior:
Gideon Soames:

('Chanel 9'-style speech to be used in place of any Middle Earth language.)


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