Dear Mr. Beckham,

Sventastic

Thank you for scoring such a splendid goal against the Grecians.

We had double reason to celebrate because 6 October 2001 marked one year to the day since I did plight my troth to Old Spice.

For the record, we each had managed to consume half a plateful of Mexican Fajitas out at the Hard Rock Cafe before we had to rush home to watch the end of the second half on the box. A few choice words were bandied about when we saw that England were trailing, I can warrant. Thus, you can imagine our subsequent jubilation when your freekick left the Greek goalie stranded only moments after we'd heard that the fearless Finns had held back the Hun.

As I tried to explain to Old, who needs an anniversary present now anyway?

Well done Davey Boy.

Yours sincerely,

Dr Montague Trout