The Tom Green Chronicles Revisited

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Jessie : Jadie! Darling! *She runs to Jade and hugs her, though much more gently than James, and then air-kisses her, making certain that her gauntlet sparkles prettily in the low light.
Jade: *forces a smile* Jessie… How nice to see you.
Firefly: *noticeably eyeing Jessie's gauntlet in a slightly amorous manner*
Jade: *notices, steps hard on his toe*
Firefly: Ow.
Jessie: Firefly…! *She lets go of Jade at once and rushes over to Firefly, hugging him tightly and then kissing him full on the lips*
Tom: Erm.
Fred : Ummm…
Jade: Uh, hey…?


James: *covers his eyes*
Jessie: *finally releases Firefly and grins evilly at Jade*
Firefly: *reeling slightly* …Hi to you too, Jessie.
Jade: *icily smiles at Jessie* Well isn't this nice…?
Jessie: I’m so glad you're back! There's so much to tell you!
Jade: Oh really?
Jessie: Oh yes! But first, I have a surprise for you, okay? Close your eyes…
Tom: *under his breath* Oh no…
Jade: *raises an eyebrow at him and mouths 'What?'*
Tom: *shakes his head*
Jessie: *grabs hold of Jade's hand and begins to pull her up the stairs* Come on! You have to see!
Jade: *shrugs and allows herself to be pulled upstairs*


James: Jade is gonna freak…
Firefly: *still reeling slightly* Why, what's Jessie done…?
Meowth: Let's just say she’s done a little redecoratin'…
Firefly: Oh no…
Tom: Oh yes.


*as if on cue, Jade screams*
Jade: What the smiley - bleeping smiley - bleep have you done with my mothersmiley - bleeping room you evil cheap smiley - bleep mothersmiley - bleeping smiley - bleepy smiley - bleep…! *She storms down the stairs and grabs Firefly
by the crook of his arm.* C'mon, we’re leaving.
Firefly: Aww come on, it can't be all bad…
Jade: Oh, it is. C'mon, we're staying in a hotel.
Jessie: *runs down the stairs* Wait! Don't go!
Jade: You smiley - bleeped up my room, you smiley - bleep! What the smiley - bleep…? I mean first you take over my goddess…hood. And then you French smiley - bleeping kiss my smiley - bleeping boyfriend, and now it turns out you've resmiley - bleeping decorated my smiley - bleeping room! Well I’m not staying here!
Jessie: *her eyes shine with tears and she runs up the stairs*
James: Now look what you've done.
Jade: You honestly don't think I should feel bad for that…? * Jade notices that everyone seems to be giving her disapproving looks* What the smiley - bleep. Kind of smiley - bleeping conspiracy is this…? *She sighs, then shouts up
the stairs* Awright, Jessie, we'll stay.
Jessie: *runs back down the stairs* Oh yay! We can have a slumber party! *She jumps up with joy*
Jade: Um, maybe not tonight.
Jessie: *looks slightly crestfallen, but shrugs* All right, maybe some other night. At any rate, you can go up there and freshen up. I'm sure you'd like to, after your long flight.
Jade: Yeah, that sounds good…
Firefly: *grinning like an idiot at Jessie*
Jade: *glares at him and grabs his arm, tugging him upstairs*


*When they reach Jade's room, it is readily apparent why Jade freaked out.*
Firefly: She even 'lovely roomed' your room?
Jade: It looks that way… You should see the bathroom… *she sighs* This is gonna take weeks to undo…
Firefly: *throws himself face-first onto Jade's (lovely) bed and yells a muffled* Why are they all such smiley - bleepin' psychos…?
Jade: *icily* You didn’t seem to be of such a mind when she kissed you…
Firefly: *rolls over onto his back* Well what did you expect me to do…? I was as surprised as anyone…
Jade: But you didn’t try to pull away or anything, did you…?
Firefly: But Jade. I-
Jade: smiley - bleep it, Firefly, I don't even care right now. I'm getting in the shower if anyone wants me. *She grabs a (lovely) towel from a basket nearby and slings it over her shoulder, then goes into the bathroom and slams the door.*
Firefly: Well that one certainly got me in the doghouse…
Jade: smiley - bleep skippy it did…!


*A few moments later the sounds of rushing water can be heard.*
Firefly: *sighs and reaches down to untie his shoes*
Mysterious voice: *apparently from nowhere* Fiiireflyyyyy…
Firefly: *looks up* Erm, yes?
Mysterious voice: Coooome to meeeeee…
Firefly: Jade, is that you…?
Mysterious voice: Coooome to meeeeee…
Firefly: *stands and begins searching for the origin of the voice* …Where are you…?
Mysterious voice: Ooooverrr heeerrrreeee…
Firefly: *moves a few steps to the right* Here, then?
Mysterious voice: Noooo…
Firefly: *steps to o the right again* …Here…?
Mysterious voice: Juuuuust a biiiit furrtherrrrr….
Firefly: *takes another step to the right* Here?
Mysterious voice: Noooo, furtherrr…
Firefly: *takes another step* Here?
Mysterious voice: Lowerrrrr…
Firefly: *lowers himself to the floor, pressing his ear to it in hopes to hear better* Here then?
Mysterious voice: Byyy theee beeedddddd…
Firefly: *crawls toward the bed somewhat cautiously* Here…?
Mysterious voice: Right then. *evil laugh*
Firefly: *peeks under the bed, and then gasps* What the smiley - bleep…?


*Firefly is pulled under the bed emitting a slight muffled scream. Just then, Jade comes out of the bathroom, clothed in a silk kimono-ish robe, rubbing her hair roughly with a fluffy green towel.*
Jade: Firefly…? I've decided that you shall no linger be in the doghouse if you make it up to me with your sweet lovi-… Hello… *Jade notices a message scrawled on her (lovely) vanity mirror. (In dark red lipstick.) She reads aloud* 'If you ever
want to see your sweet Martian again, leave now.' Well that doesn’t make any sense… How am I supposed to see Firefly again if I leave…? Rubbish, that. I'm not going anywhere.


*Jade's ethereal goddess glow lessens slightly, it being such a small change that Jade of course, does not notice.*

For the record y'all, cappuccino makers are terrific Christmas gifts. But they make Jade 1) stay up all smiley - bleeping night, and 2) write too much, and 3) refer to herself in the third person and 4) curse like a muthasmiley - bleepa.
Myargh. (And make odd noises. That too. But hey, you would as well if you had had as much caffeine as I. So bleh.)

Tom Green Chronicles Mark II
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