The h2g2 Poem
Created | Updated Jun 25, 2003

The Truth About Cats and Dogs and Man
Dog and Cat were sitting on the porch one cool and starry night,
Waiting patiently to be let inside, away from the winds nipping bite.
A conversation they started to while away the time,
It went sort of like this; oddly they were conversing in rhyme.
'Woof' said Dog, 'I'm so happy to be me,
I just got a new collar all shiny and new, take a look and see'
'Oh how adorable' said Cat with a look of disgust,
'It's terrible to hear, but be a braggart if you must,
for collars are a sign of your subservience to Man
a thing us felines would never do, and you should stop it if you can'
'But why?' cried Dog, worry in his eyes,
'For man is our master, all knowing and very wise.
We must follow and do all things he does desire
and in return he feeds us and lets us sleep by his fire.'
'Oh my,' sighed Cat with a tone of such regret,
'Man was put on Earth to serve us, not to make us his pet,
for I am sure that I am the lord of all I survey,
and Man is here to care for us, and homage to us they pay.'
'No!!!' cried Dog, looking quite perplexed
'You've got it wrong, stop, and say no more, I am getting very vexed!'
'Please don't be so blind dear dog,' said Cat, 'and don't get so upset,
For if that collar pleases you so much, then on your neck let it set.
Let it be the symbol of all things you hold dear,
but it holds the key to being slave and that is something I will never share.'
'WOOF! WOOF!' said Dog, getting in an awful flap.
'YOU TALK SUCH NONSENSE FELINE, COMPLETE AND UTTER PAP!!'
Cat just looked upon Dog in his maddened state,
'Really, dear Dog, you do so quickly rise to the bait.'
Suddenly Man in anger opens up his door
to look outside to see what Dog is barking for.
'Stupid animal,' he cries, 'now keep quiet, why be noisy all the time?
You can stay outside, as punishment, befitting your most recent crime.'
Man then turned to Cat, who was sitting quietly without a fuss,
And you my pretty,' he said, 'can come inside, for you are a good and quiet little puss!!'
Cat stared out the window at the Dog, and didn't regret what it had done
For why else was Dog put on the Earth than to provide Cat with a little fun!!
Dog stared at up at Cat, and didn't regret what had occurred
For why else was Dog put on the Earth than to obey his Master's every word.