h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Level 42 - A900767
Author: ZaphaAnndroyd(SATS)(Non-hostile friendly,hug,love,peace,Alien lifeform) - U183368

This is a brief guide to Level 42. I have been a fan of Level 42 since 1980.

Firstly, welcome to the guide ZaphaAnndroyd.

Unfortunetely, I don't think your entry is suitable for the edited guide as it stands, but that's not to say that with a little work, it couldn't be.

The main problem at the moment, is that it is all one block of text, which makes it hard to read. This entry would be improved a lot, if you split it into paragraphs, as they it would look better, as well as be easier read, and to understand.

Also, the entry at the moment, doesn't seem to give much detail on what the band are/were like (i.e. their style), or the personalities and background of the band members.

I would recommend having a look at some of the other entries in the guide about bands, that suggest approaches you might try with your entry. There is a list of such entries here: C495

Many thanks for your welcome and advice on the entry. I've looked at the section that you have suggested and I can now see how I can improve my entry.

ZaphaAnndroyd

Looks good!

Just a minor point: the guide's style is to use a title like 'Level 42 - the band' and to put album or song titles in italics rather than quotes. Umm, well this would require using GuideML (which would be nice). As the entry is in plain text, I'm sure the SubEd wouldn't mind changing this.

Thanks!
ZaphaAnndroyd

I think this is a big improvement on the previous incarnation, it is much more readable in paragraphs, and I think the bit about the band members does help give a flavour of what they were like. I still thing there is room for improvement, however.

Firstly, you don't seem to say very much about the style of music in the entry. There is a hint at the genre (brit funk), and a mention of the instruments, but not much beyond that. Also, the section about the albums does seem to say much beyond how successful they were.

One way of tackling both of these would be to describe each album, giving fairly brief description of some of the songs on each. A sample of some of the lyrics could be used to illustrate the songs, although there are restrictions on how much you can use. This seems to be the way other entries have gone that talk about bands.

There are some other points to address. On is that you mention that Phil and Boon are brothers in the fourth paragraph, whereas in the first paragraph you mention their surnames which suggests that they are at least related. Therefore, I think that it's best if you mention that they are brothers in the first paragraph. Something like '\Phil Gould (Drums/Vocals) and brother Boon ....'

Also, at the first point where you mention Gary Husband it is together with the description of the band members, suggesting at first that he was one of the original ones, although you don't mention him as part of the original line-up, and later mention he joined in '88. I think it might be better if you mentioned him later on, when you talk about him joining the band, as it appears out of context where it is. Similar comments apply to the mentions of Nathan King, and Lyndon and Alan Murphy.

There are also the odd first person references (me, I, we etc). The editors here don't like such things, as it becomes harder to make sense of entries if other people add stuff.

Thanks I'll make those changes to the text
ZaphaAnndroyd

You seem to have changed things to GuideML, ZaphaAnndroyd, but haven't put in paragraphs markings, so it's all one big chunk of text (someone pointed this out in a thread linked to the entry. If you want to do paragraphs, it's fairly simple, you have a at the start of each paragraph, and a at the end.

Thanks I'll do that
ZaphaAnndroydpeace>

Hello? Are you still playing with this Entry? I think it has good potential, and the Guide definetly needs an Entry on Level 42. As it stands now it needs some good polishing. To me it still reads as a collection of ideas and facts in a staccato of sentences. Maybe you could connect them a bit more to improve the flow? Just suggesting.

HELL

The two month anniversary of ZaphaAnndroyd's last h2g2 posting (March 2nd) is fast approaching. If you're still around ZaphaAnndroyd, could you let us know whether or not you plan to do any more with this entry? If not, we'll have to move it to the Flea Market after next Friday, and I think there will be a few people wanting to pick it up and run with it

Anyone want to second a move to the FM?

Right here Mikey.