h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is one of the most moving pieces I've read in the Post, and has particular resonance for me as my Uncle (my father's brother) walked out two years ago on his wife and his daughters (11 and 7) and three year old son. While he is supposed to have them at weekends he often doesn't, making excuses or turning up late. he recently remarried and had invited the children to the wedding, but they didn't want to go, so myself, my sister, my parents, and another aunt (sister of my Dad and Uncle) went round to keep them company as the entire family was rather depressed.

The Uncle in question is now something of an outcast in the family, and with good reason. He has showed an utter lack of regard for his children, and his own sister, my aunt, gets almost apopleptic with rage when talking about him.

In a divorce wherew there are no children, there is no problem, but if someone puts their own selfish desires over the needs of their children, they are nothing.

Thank you for reading this Egon.

Writing this was actually a way of venting anger out of myself. Although it did work, I find that some people have found themselves in a very similar position. I may have stirred up emotions that some people may have wanted left submerged.

I feel sorry for your cousins as it will be them who suffer. My only advice is not to ignore them. That is what happened to myself and my sister.

to you.

Vicki

In our family's case we are rallying around the abandoned wife and children rather than the blood relative who, not to put to fine a point on it, is a b*****d.

That is good.

Have a and give one to your cousins from me.

Thanks

I often thank something (can't thank god, don't believe in him, but there must be something atheists thank, surely?) that I grew up with a happy family life, with parents whop get on (they even work together for christs sake!) when i look around at friends and at my cousins who've had to put up with this kind of disruption and unhappiness during their lives.

I was actually most grateful that it happened when I was young. It my parents had got divorced when I was say 12, I would have gone off the rails. I know I would.

Yes, I suppose the older you are, the stronger the bond you will have built up.

Disruption to an older child is always worse. As a young child you learn how to adapt very quickly.

Hi Vicky,
I have to agree with Egon, this is a very moving and honest account of your life. I'm not sure how many people would be brave enough to write something like this. I must appologise, as I have no actual first hand experience (I guess I'm one of the lucky ones having two great parents), but where I grew up I am not the norm. I have a horrible feeling its quickly not becoming the norm anywhere.

I have many friends who where brought up by single mothers (I don't know any people who were brought up by fathers), and they end up growing to resent their fathers, one mate has not seen his father since he was a child (in a similar way to yourself) and had to hire someone to track him down. I just hope that the sons from that scenario learn from the mistakes of their fathers.

Any way, I wish you all the best for the future,
Terran

Hi Terran

Thanks for reading this.

I have to say though that my step-dad is really brilliant and I wish he was my real dad. He's been with my mum for around 18 years now. I just wish that when I get married I can put his name down as my father but I can't. I am going to leave that blank because I don't wish to put "his" name down.

Vicki

I wish that nobody would have to go through what you (and others like you) have done. I hope that talking about it gets the hurt outside and that you start to get past the pain.

I'm presently supporting a friend who is going through a divorce after 19 years of marriage. He is on the other side of things, with a soon-to-be-ex-wife that is totally taking over the two boys lives and shutting him out completely. If the boys get interested in something (Scouts, hockey, camping) Mummy immediately takes up the cause and becomes involved herself as organiser, Scoutmistress, whatever. Dad is thereby excluded as Mum is always there.

Even on days when he is supposed to have visitation rights, there is always a school sport activity that the kids must go to and guess who is there. She is driving a wedge between him and his kids and he is so disheartened that he feels that he cannot carry on and should just leave them to get on with it... I have to keep telling him that he would then just be caving in - agreeing to let her forever accuse that he 'abandoned' his kids and so permanently exclude them out of his life. Munchausen-by-proxy in a mild form, but yet still there.

Please forgive me if I offend. I'm not saying that this is IN ANY WAY applicable in your case, but there are often more sides to hear. Men do not talk about their feelings, especially when they feel guilty about something.

Life is just too short to throw away friends and family. My wife's side of the family had a situation where one brother of eleven siblings moved away after a tiff, cutting off contact. He married, had a daughter and told her that his family were all dead. Her mother died early on and he followed shortly thereafter. She firmly believed she was left alone in this world and decided to try and trace her ancestors. In only weeks she discovered that she had over 200 uncles, aunts and cousins who didn't even know of her existence.

A bridge burned from both sides IS gone forever. Don't burn your side of bridges too!

Thank you for sharing with us.

That was so sad.........



.....I do have to say that that my mum never, ever stopped us from seeing "that" side of the family. She was the one making all the excuses when he didn't turn up, or he turned up late.

She even arranged for my step-dad to take myself and my sister down to see Grandma after my father stopped visiting. She said that it wasn't fair on us or Grandma as she couldn't drive herself here.

Yes, I do agree that there are two sides to every story, but it wasn't until a couple of years ago that mum told us exactly what went on, and that was only because I bullied her into it.

I do believe though that my father's new wife may had something to do with it as well, but if he considered her two children more important that us, well, there is nothing we could have done.

Other things did happen that contributed to the brake-up, some of it I cannot say on hootoo.

Lovely piece Vicki, very moving. Am finally finding my way around. It takes a bit of time. I think you posted a welcome to me ages ago. So Hi again!
take care
Boots

I've been away for a little while (do I call you Boots or Useless Hound)

Thanks for reading this. I've been out of touch with things recently. Work is driving me crazy at the moment!!!



Call by any time.