Vogon Battle Poetry

1 Conversation

--------------- xXx ---------------

Vogon Terms of Friendly Engagement...

-------------- xXx ----------------

Vogon Battle ‘Assault strength’ poems invoke.. opponent’s guts to
strangle their own brains..

Rehearsed and Practiced as 'friendly'.. the following Vogon warning

Apply your neck brace now.. and you'll probably be just fine..

For to kill you with my poem.. would be well.. such a crime !

-------------- xXx ----------------

smiley - aliensmilesmiley - aliensmilesmiley - aliensmilesmiley - aliensmile

Captain Kirk... You're such a Jerk !!!

Somewhere in a far off Galaxy…….

An epic struggle between good and evil.. before you will unfurl..

A tale of Vogon 'Destructor Battle' poems.. to make your tootsies curl..

When Captain… Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz... A beast to really despise..

Circles a far off.. War scarred World.. and takes on.. The Enterprise !!!

'So… Eventually we meet at last..' … Prostetnic Jeltz did smirk..

'And now.. we'll fight, like warriors to the death… Dear Starfleet Captain Kirk..'

'You'll want revenge for destroying your Earth.… which already shows you're

'I'll tell you what, to even the odds.. we'll fight you.. with a single Loud Speaker !!'

'You race around the galaxy.. Dispensing justice.. at Warp Speed !'

'That others have a right to Fight or Die.. you never will Concede..'

'A one man 'Judgement' delivery van.. a sort of contemporary ‘Wells

'Your shoddy ship.. is out of date.. and assembled from Meccano !!'

'For example when we deliver.. a Single Vogon.. Sonic bash..'

'All hell and fires will break out about.. especially beneath your dash !'

'Your detailed.. StarShip 'Blue print' plans.. each small component.. to distinguish..'

'Lack detail such as water sprinklers.. So.. your dash fires can't
Extinguish !'

'Unrealistic fake Computer lights.. On your Bridge.. are always Flashing..'

'I've seen far better.. '30 in one'.. Electronic kits.. on general sale at Maplins !!'

'Anyway.. James Tiberius Kirk.. you're getting rather old, and no longer are a

'So now seems such a good time.. to Bugger off.. for the cop series T.J
Hooker !!'


'Captain Kirk on the burning bridge.. your Starship flurgling in tatters..'

'Warp speed now Xylaxytz Scotty’ you’ll cry.. 'Before it singes both me knackflurbls

'Stand by my Dearest.. Medic Bones.. ready your ears.. about to Bleed..'

'Your adams apple.. a true life 'Bottle Neck'.. your guts will pass with Ease..'


'When we, to you.. mellifluously.. Vogon Battle Poetry… read..'

'We'll very swiftly Runtsflug … and bring you to your knees !!'

Spocks voice.. across intercom crackles.. 'Jim… they're really not at all Methodical !'

'How these Vogon.. Battle Destructor poems.. damage our ship… is totally Illogical !!'


'Deteriation of the Deuterium.. Rhyme-Time Fabric..' Scotty's voice.. gets stronger..

'The Crystals are not made.. Elastic..' ... 'So.. she'll not hold out much longer..'

'Now Captain Kirk.. like Rutger Hauer in BladeRunner….. it's your time to Die..'

'I'll give you just 30 parseconds.. let's see how far in that time.. your Enterprise can Fly

To be continued…

smiley - aliensmilesmiley - aliensmilesmiley - aliensmilesmiley - aliensmile


12.12.02 Front Page

Back Issue Page

Bookmark on your Personal Space

Conversations About This Entry



Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more