A Short Guide To Harlow

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Harlow is situated in Essex, roughly (very roughly) 30 miles from London, in the furthest catchment area of Hades. It has a long history going back to the Roman Age. In fact, that was the last time anything much of interest happened in it. The Romans, sick of living in a country with good weather, good wine, fantastic culture and hot and cold running orgies, decided to create a settlement in an area of dreary landscapes, rainy skies, idiotic nomads who had no idea at all about exquisite mosiacs, and which was miles from the nearest Threshers. Luckily for them, the Roman Empire eventually collapsed and they could all go home and get sauced again. Then a few thousand years passed, which brings us to the here and now (hungover, bored and with backache, thanks for asking). The town did expand after the war, and some of the Old Harlow residents can still be quite snippy about it, amusingly enough. I think they may be waiting for us all to move out again, and leave them to their patios.

Harlow has a population of about 30 thousand people, but when in line at the Post Office it can seem like more. Our chief characteristics are suburban ennui and incredulous visitors, who are probably wondering why we designed a town centre which looks like a airport terminal. We have many, many pubs, about two of which you would actually want to drink in. The others fall into two categories: Community Centres for sociopaths, and places where you are corralled by old men who want to dicuss obscure boxers of the '30's. We have two nightclubs and two semi-nightclubs. No one will explain why.

Harlow has two industrial estates, one of them interestingly enough, smack on top of our Roman heritage. There are however lots of green and woodland areas too, just to remind you how much nicer it would be to live in the country. We have more roundabouts than anywhere outside Milton Keynes.

Micheal Barrymore came from here.

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