Now what, I ask myself, would be the best time of year to release a movie about the upper echelons of the Catholic Church? This area isn't really what you'd call natural fodder for summer blockbusters, after all. What does come to mind when you think of all things ecclesiastical? Well, Christmas and Easter, really. The problem with Easter is that, being a moveable feast, it is occasionally wont to clash with either the Oscars ceremony or the first wave of blockbusters every year (strange that the Emperor Constantine wasn't more on the ball about this sort of thing when he wrote the rules). Which leaves us with the not-obviously-nuts conclusion that Christmas is the natural time to do films about Catholicism.

The not-obviously-nutsness of this even holds up to empirical evidence, for if we cast our minds back over recent and fairly-recent years we find The Two Popes, which was released at the absolute tail-end of November 2019, and We Have a Pope, which reached British cinemas for Christmas of 2011. Contrariwise, of course, we find Angels & Demons, which in retrospect looks like a genuine attempt to do a big summer movie about the inner workings of Catholicism, complete with a skydiving pope and a photon torpedo threatening to go off under the Vatican. (I suppose there's also The First Omen, which is quite Catholic and also, if you squint with your eyes virtually shut, sort of Christmassy in a way, but that came out this spring.)

The funny thing is that even if you go with the idea of Christmas being the logical time for Catholic movies, none of these films are particularly Christmassy – I now consider myself something of an expert on this topic – for none of them include widowed single parents just waiting for love to come back into their lives, communities coming together in non-specific but heartwarming acts of compassion, baby elephants or studly magical snowmen. Could it be the Church has forgotten the true meaning of Christmas?

Well, that's as maybe, but let's look at Edward Berger's Conclave, which ticks all the boxes I've been laboriously drawing, as it's a non-Christmassy drama about the inner workings of the Vatican released at the end of the year (it's also based on a novel by 'Whispering' Robert Harris, but I couldn't think of a box for that one).

Ralph Fiennes brings his usual aura of reserved intensity to the role of Cardinal Lawrence, number two man after the Pope himself. The film opens immediately after the demise of the previous Holy Father, which, after a period of introspective reflection and mourning lasting at least three seconds, triggers frantic strategising and jockeying for position amongst the various factions looking to get their candidate onto the throne of St Peter.

Soon enough all the cardinals get together to elect a new pope, a lengthy and tradition-festooned process overseen by Lawrence himself. Key amongst the runners and riders are moderate American Tremblay (John Lithgow), liberal American Bellini (Stanley Tucci), conservative Nigerian Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati), and right-wing Italian Tedesco (Sergio Castellitto). But even before they're all locked in together the shocks and twists start coming: there are rumours that, before his death, the old Pope ordered one of the leading candidates to resign his position. Lawrence's own opening comments for the conclave, which he intended as a plea against dogmatism, end up being taken as a campaign speech. And – perhaps most peculiar of all – an extra cardinal, whose existence was previously a secret, turns up for the vote.

Well, obviously, it seems a safe bet that actual papal conclaves aren't nearly as interesting or eventful as this one – that or the Vatican news management machine is a lot more effective than it usually seems to be – but Conclave does a very good job of balancing a steady stream of twists, turns, and revelations with the need to not become utterly ridiculous. And it seems to have paid off, with some early Oscar buzz around the film – mainly for Fiennes' performance – and its appearance on best-of-2024 lists, ahead of some other films which I really rated.

It even manages to do this without ticking any of the obvious boxes you might expect a serious drama/thriller about the Papacy to reach for: nothing about connections to organised crime, nothing about child abuse, and not a sign of devil worship either. It's a slick, polished, extremely watchable piece of work, making full use of all the pomp and circumstance associated with the election of a new pope.

In a way it's kind of a conjuring trick on the part of the director and scriptwriter (Peter Straughan) – a film's got to have stakes, after all, a reason for you to care about the outcome of the story. Now, as we know, I am of the hell-bound class, and while goings-on in the Vatican City are generally quite interesting and newsworthy, the question of who the Pope actually is doesn't make a lot of difference to me – less than, say, the identity of the US President. Yet the dramatic tension at the heart of Conclave is solely based on the question of who the new Pope is going to be, without much of an attempt to establish why this actually matters.

Well, I suppose if you're a Catholic it's naturally going to matter, just as it naturally isn't if you're not. But the thing is that, by bringing in a lot of high-powered and respected actors whose characters are clearly taking it all very seriously, and by carefully creating a tone of the utmost gravity, the film manages to sell you on the idea that Important Events are in progress even if they're possibly not. As tricks go it's a pretty neat one which I was quite happy to buy into.

As a political thriller it's entertaining stuff, various skeletons emerging from cupboards as the story progresses and the conflict between conservative and liberal cardinals coming into sharper focus. It's pretty clear which side the film is on; it all builds up to a final revelation which is... well, potentially provocative, let's put it that way, and also possibly a little far-fetched, though it does play as very 2024. (Turns out the sedes stercoraria is no longer entirely fit for purpose.)

The main reasons to see Conclave are for its intelligent script and for the performances, which are universally strong – Fiennes can often come across as chilly and robotic, but he gives a thoroughly credible performance as a man beset by various crises of faith throughout the film. The rest of the ensemble is nearly as good; Isabella Rossellini turns up as a nun and holds her own against a cast not short on big hitters. For most of its duration this is an impressive and absorbing film – the conclusion may feel a little short on heft, but this barely distracts from the quality of what has preceded it.

Awix

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