Chapter 20: Did This Really Happen?

The members of Oxamor gathered under the cover of darkness. With a flourish, I produced the key to the bar from its hidey-hole. We quickly went inside so as not to attract too much attention to the open status of the bar.
Once inside, we removed our mostly black hoodies. Robyn's was of course red, but that's fine because red shows as black to the little rods in your eyes that handle low light conditions. Once the lights were on, my cones were quickly drawn to the colourful display better known as the Twins. Their dresses radiated that 'date' was definitely on their minds when getting dressed. Looking down at my own jeans and oversized rock band T-shirt (obtained from the farther reaches of Dad's closet. The part containing his old festival merchandise stuff and extremely flared jeans) I wondered if I made a mistake.

To defuse this situation, I played some random notes on the hornhelmpipe, allegedly to officially open the event. This seemed to work.

Taking one critical look, Robyn decided that rinsing the glasses with gin to make them fit for putting other consumables in them would be a good idea. It did add a lingering taste to my large glass orange juice.

Meanwhile the girls had taken over the bar to produce ever more outlandish concoctions. Star added some bright green banana liquor to her cold chocolate, while Portia opted for adding something red, that probably saw berries in the production process, to her hot chocolate with a sprinkle of cinnamon and pepper.

Robyn, Joan, Mary and Allana were in a competition who could get the most separate and different-coloured layers in one glass, which would be for the loser to drink. My Sister lost, but in the end, Mary offered to drink it, because of her inherent chemical resistance and for the sake of science.

Just when the effect of fermented products started to take hold on the general population, someone knocked on the door impolitely. (They may have tried politely before that, but then we must have missed it). As the most sober person around, I went to move the deadbolts and open the door, which was pushed inward with considerable force before I could try any knock-knock jokes.

It was a good thing it was already dark outside, otherwise the two burly men accompanying the blues brother talent scout would have blocked out the light.

'Welcome, I suppose,' was all I could think of.

'Drinks?' Robyn asked the men with an innocent voice, to defuse the tension that had come in with them.

'Quadriginoctuple Frappucino,' said one of the dark suited bodyguard-ish guys. 'I need to keep my head clear because I'm the driver.'

After some frantic searching on her phone and an inventory of the cupboards of the bar, Robyn concluded that there might be the ingredients for just one of those, if he didn't mind that the bananas were kind of past over-ripe.

He didn't mind.

'Triple Bloody Mary, but hold the blood.' the talent scout said.

'Beer for me.' The other bodyguard rumbled. 'And some nuts.'

After the extensive process involved in producing the first two drinks, the talent scout sat down and looked me deep into the eyes (as far as I could judge with those sunglasses in the way).

'We like the unique sound of that instrument of yours, so I hope we can get to some sort of agreement.' he opened the conversation. 'I wonder, is it hard to play it?'

The tone of voice of that last statement made me wary of ill intent, so I answered politically: 'That depends on what you have in mind... Let's just assume that you need Me to go with it... Maybe also the rest of the band for moral support and better expenses.'

The stance of the blues brother and his bodyguards told me they probably didn't like that answer. This was corroborated by his answer. 'I see you are going to go for a tough bargain, son. You do know that we could just take that instrument from you and walk out, don't you now?'

The menace in this last statement was somehow spoiled by the fact that the driver guy stuck up his index finger while urgently skipping from one foot to another and clutching his knees together. 'Boss? Permission to go to the toilet? Please?'

'Didn't you go before we drove here?' the talent scout barked to his underling, annoyance dripping from every word.

'I did, but my gut doesn't seem to agree with those ancient bananas.'

'Umpty-dumpty-dum' Robyn said while looking at the ceiling innocently and tapping her fingers on the bar. 'I might have lost count somewhere at the end and started from zero when dosing those cappucino shots... 48 is an awful lot to start with... Anyway, if it was the bananas, you can rest assured that you won't fall asleep on the toilet, or anytime soon in the next few days. And don't blame me. After all, you could have ordered something else than that ginormous quadriginoctuple frappucino thing. Enjoy your stay in the dump. Knowing the landlord, it must have been cleaned sometime this last decade, probably.'

The talent scout chose that moment to take a large swig of his drink to calm his nerves, which then quickly reversed direction as the guy sprayed most of it to the floor. He then ran towards the tap for water, screaming things that roughly translate as 'BEEEEP, BEEP, BEEBEEBEEEEP' but which will end up in their original form elsewhere in this diary for later reference.

'Oops' said Allana. 'I must have got the doseage of that Tabasco sauce wrong. I used it to replace the tomato juice, as requested.'

The remaining bodyguard took a thoughtful look at his glass of apparently normal-looking beer and quickly put it back on the bar. As he quietly walked to the front door he yelled over his shoulder: 'I'll be waiting in the car outside guys! If you are not with me in five, you'll have to walk home, because I'm not gonna wait any longer!'

Two minutes and nineteen seconds later I slid the deadbolts into closed position behind the bouncing driver and the red-hot and sweating talent scum. I concluded that I might need to work on an alternative plan for my future, because a quick break in the music industry seemed unlikely after the events of this night. To be frank, it gave me a feeling of great relief we got away with it so easily. It also eliminated the risks involved with the potentially harmful combination of the Twins and the hypothetical groupies.

To celebrate my newfound freedom and do some damage prevention for the day after, we had a round of large non-alcoholic drinks on the house. Then I played a final song about the darker aspects of the full moon on my hornhelmpipe.

Caiman Raptor Elk

27.05.24 Front Page

Back Issue Page