This isn't the real casserole. Hoggetts ate it too fast to take a picture. This is an AI-generated model. (The AI got the noodles wrong. Use flat ones.)

The ladies in Hooverville tell us this is a good casserole. Mrs Hoggett made it and the Hoggetts ate it up. (They aren't on any diets.)

What You Need

• 1 lb (=pound, or 450g) Italian roll sausage
• 1 12-oz (=ounce, or 340g) wide noodles, cooked
• 2 14-oz (400g) jar of pepperoni pizza sauce
• 8 oz (225g) shredded cheddar cheese
• 8 oz (225g) shredded mozzarella cheese
• 6 oz (170g) sliced pepperoni

What to Do

1. Preheat oven to 350°. Here we go again: This is 176.667° Celsius. That's a moderate oven or gas mark 4.
2. Crumble the sausage. What we're dealing with here is spiced loose sausage that comes in a roll or tube or just loose. Brown the sausage in a frying pan. Drain it on a paper towel to get rid of the excess fat. This is the only concession this recipe makes to the galloping health concerns you have when you read this. If you routinely eat a 'full English breakfast' I don't want to hear it. NT Hoggett regularly works a tractor on a 50-acre farm. He can eat anything he wants to.
3. Here comes the fun part: Get a 13x9-in (=inch, or 23 x 33-cm. Or nearest equivalent. Use your own judgement, as the astronomy professor told my dad in college when he drew a scale model of the solar system in imperial measurements. Civil engineers, gotta love 'em.) Lightly grease the pan. I'd use margarine: there's enough pork grease in this already.
4. Got your pan? Good. Now start layering. Start with half of the noodles. Top that with half of the sausage, half of the pizza sauce, half of the cheese, and half of the pepperoni. Then do it again. The top layer should be an attractive 'garnish' of pepperoni slices. Pause to admire your handiwork.
5. Bake in the appropriately-heated oven for 35 to 40 minutes. This will smell wonderful and taste even better. Serves 6-8, or a tableful of Hoggetts. Don't tell your nutritionist what you've done.

Culinary Notes

In response to the myriad complaints on Twitter about 'people who put their whole life stories onto the recipe pages on the internet, and make you scroll for an eternity before you get to the instructions,' I have waited until now for the excessive editorialising. . .

WAIT! STOP THE MUSIC! I hear the ghost of Jimmy Durante. He's waving his arms. 'This is mortifying!' he shouts. 'Them Europeans ain't got no pepperoni! Wurst, the Germans think a pepperoni is a pepper!'

Jimmy, I hear you: stop shouting.

What the US calls pepperoni, the Italians call salame picante. It's a small, round, flat slice of a very spicy hard sausage. It's sold everywhere. It's the favourite pizza topping for just about everyone (unless they have bad food allergies). And, the internet informs me, you may not have anything like it. What to do?

Use your own favourite hard salami! As spicy as possible. It will jazz up the noodles and tomato sauce.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

01.01.24 Front Page

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