h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dmitri, I'n not here to deter you from celebrating things. I just want to let you know that the middle of the winter comes in early February.

(Yes, I know, six weeks after the Winter Solstice is a time of madness and desperation, neither one much of an asset when conjuring up festivities, but there you have it.

Aha. I wouldn't argue with you that Groundhog Day is the middle of winter. It's the cross-quarter day, after all. We celebrate that one just fine, thanks, over here near Punxsy.

But 'In the Bleak Midwinter' *is* a Christmas carol. It was written by one of those crazy Rossettis in England, so take it up with them. You know, the ones in the TV series 'Desperate Romantics'.

Lyrics here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DH3uvupUh8

PS According to Merriam-Webster, the first definition of 'midwinter' is 'a term for the winter solstice'.

See also a 'Midsummer Night's Dream', which refers, of course, to the summer solstice....

I am quite bewildered and saddened to learn this, Dmitri. I can't take on Merriam-Webster *and* Wikiyouknowwho *and* the distinguished editor of the Post.

I also cannot hide under my bed until the grieving process is done -- mostly because I wouldn't fit.

So, I guess I'll have to chalk it up to the slings and arrows of fortune.

Anyway, if the Winter Solstice is synonymous with midwinter, then what the heck would we call the *actual* middle of the Winter? Besides Candlemas*, that is?


*Candlemas is useful as the last legitimate time for leaving the Christmas decorations up. Yeah, yeah, you know it as Groundhog Day. When I was in high school, I was in an English-language version of Strauss's "Gypsey Baron. One of the characters hailed from Punxsutawney, and sang a song about the town. I would provide a Youtube link, but this version has never been put on Youtube. It's probably not the best of translations....

Well, if it had the Grundsau in it, and Punxsy... that's a shame, I would have liked to hear that one.

Here's the 'Zigeunerbaron', which I understand starts in Timisoara, which used to be in Hungary but is now in Romania. I looked it up: lord, is that a convoluted and ridiculous plot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2cGNc-NoEM

I sang the role of Noah Little, who calls himself an "educated fool."

"Behold, in me you see
A man of family tragedy.
My doting mother did decree
That educated I should be.

Sjhe even had me christened,
after Webster's dicitonary,
Wioshfulmthinking that I'd show
A lot more I.Q. than ordinary.

But my poor brain
Will not retain.
I am an educated fool!"

Sounds like the 'translation' got the main idea pretty well.

I was proud of my singing. Maybe I was type-cast a little bit.

I wish you had video footage.

So do I, but this was the mid-1960s. They barely had tape recorders then, and they were reel-to-reel.

Ha. I remember the mid-60s. I was in junior high. Cassette players appeared about then, and we had them, because we were so cutting-edge.... I remember turning in my 10th grade history project as a booklet and a cassette tape...it was, er, musical...

And you're right: you'd have had to make a film! 8- or 16mm. Boy, would that have been tedious and expensive...

If you'd like, I could sing Noah Little's signature song over the phone.

Sing it into your phone's video recorder. Then post it on Youtube!

I have a landline.

Oh, and a cheap burner cell phone that I haven't kept up to date.

Let's forget that posts 12 and 14 ever happened.

Okay, you're excused.

I have a quite cheap video camera - it cost about $100, and it fits in the palm of your hand. And the Movie Maker software that came with the computer. Okay, I've also got a tripod and some experience with photography and sound recording and, er, radio... But still, this explains why every Tom, Dick and Harry is on Youtube. Most of them just 'film' with their cell phones. Which is fine, if they remember not to shoot in portrait mode...

My sister was astonished when she wanted to share the videos I made of her piano playing with her friends at church. Okay, these are *older* friends in their 70s and 80s. When they said,'We don't use computers,' it just bowled her over. She and her husband are retired science teachers. They can remember Commodores, but they can't believe anyone at all has *no* computer.

It gets much worse than that, Dmitri. You and I and 74 million other Baby Boomers try, each in our own way, to make the transition to the 21st century. In my case, I have Windows 10 on my computer, and I'm good about getting my computer serviced regularly at a reliable place. I have also hooked my computer to a small boom box so I can hear the audio portion of Youtube (which, I confess, I sometimes listen to almost all day.

But your sister's church friends probably all have telephone numbers. Almost a third of the people in my trailer park don't! At least, the Park manager can't get them to share their phone numbers with him, so he can contact them in case of emergency. Maybe they have phone numbers but value their privacy too much to share them.

The next phase in my techno evolution will be in terms of taking photographs. Maybe I have an ulterior motive in terms of posting photos of delicate forest plants in my area for...well, if I manage to get there, I'll tell you.

We like photos around here. You would not believe how many I process a week.

I know how your manager can get those phone numbers....

Threaten to do what this town does: get a siren. There is a siren to call the emergency services out. It is very loud. The loudspeaker is located *on our street*. Whenever they need the firemen or EMTS, or whatever, off it goes. Also Saturdays at noon. You know, like those air raid sirens you hear in old war movies.

We have asked why they don't just give the emergency workers beepers, or alert them by cell phone. The answer was that a computerised system like that would cost more than $100,000, and the old one works 'just fine'. So I continue to hear sirens at 3 am....you get used to it. Although I still want to yell 'Red Alert!'

For a small town, this place can be noisier than Philadelphia ever was.

We regularly have loud sirens in the Park as the fire engines and ambulances pass through. But we have some really stubborn sticks-in-the-mud around here.

Well, if they're elderly, I can understand. But I'd think it was required that they have a contact phone number - especially if they were elderly.