Friends: do you write pornography? Do you read or watch it? Before you answer with an outraged negative, consider this checklist:

• Do you enjoy stories or broadcasts that pay little or no attention to plot or character development, simply because you enjoy the setting so much?
• Do you read/follow the details of the scene with obsessive closeness, because the subject is so dear to your heart?
• Do you find yourself drawn to particularly riveting scenes? Do you have favourite parts in what you read or see – ones that satisfy you deeply on some unexamined level?
• Is your appreciation of this kind of work 'state-based'? Do you have to be 'in the mood' for it? Does it go particularly well with your favourite comfort food?
• Conclusion: It's pornography. Don't worry: it's probably not illegal, and you are definitely not alone.

Society usually only cares about pornography when embarrassing body parts are involved. But pornography is ubiquitous – and non-hazardous when taken with a grain of salt. Pornography is a form of entertainment that aims at helping the audience achieve a state-based form of contentment by dwelling mentally on an enjoyable subject. What's enjoyable constitutes a niche market.

Here are some forms of popular pornography:

• Excessive 'cuteness' in children or animals. (See Youtube.)
• Comedy. (See comedy clubs, the comedy channels, and Youtube clickbait of the 'I Dare You Not to Laugh at This' variety.)
• Romance. (See the drugstore paperback counter and that margarine commercial with Fabio in it.)
• Heavy machinery, earth-moving equipment, trucks, motorbikes. (See more commercials, catalogues, and those videos they market to male toddlers which are also bought by adult toddlers.)
• Wildlife documentaries that emphasise 'the struggle for survival' and feature animals getting eaten. (Elektra calls this 'predator porn', and it's why we avoid the Discovery Channel. Okay, that and the mermaid 'documentary'.)
• Action movies. (See the cinema or your DVD collection.)
• Nazis. (I'm looking at you, History Channel.)
• Consumerism. (Films such as Sex and the City 2, the Shopping Channel, and the J. Peterman Catalogue.)

You don't believe me about the consumerism? Here's an excerpt from the J Peterman catalogue:

Zürich, 1912.

The handsome Swiss doctor, the one they call 'Klecks,' with his perfectly mussed up hair and piercing stare, seems rather mesmerized by the shapes, and shapeliness, of your delicate lace dress. Who can blame him? You’re setting off both his carnal and scientific receptors….
Peterman description of 'Zürich dress', chosen at random.

And yes, I'm wearing a Peterman shirt right now. They're comfortable and wear like iron. I wait for the close-out sales. I don't think this Otavalo mountain shirt makes me look like Indiana Jones, and I've never been to Ecuador. It's just cool, muggy weather, and I like the feel. Does it make me look 'broad-shouldered, brave, and secretly kind'? I doubt it. Why am I making excuses for my hippie wardrobe? Because we have a tendency to cringe when someone says 'pornography'. As the people on the Seinfeld show used to say, 'Not that there's anything wrong with that.' (One of the characters on Seinfeld wrote for the J Peterman company.) And yes, the J Peterman catalogue is mostly tongue-in-cheek, but you know, those things sell….

Pornography isn't intellectual, no matter how you dress it up. Pornography isn't interested in logical plots or personal insights. Pornography is interested in getting to the 'money shot'. The 'money shot' may involve gear, flying fists, Rhett Butler, or chenille. It depends on what floats your boat.

As I said, pornography isn't harmful when taken as directed. It's junk food. A steady diet of cake and ice cream will make you fat and ill. A steady diet of pornography will make you dimwitted and susceptible. So don’t mistake it for the real thing. Just so you know.

There is one area of human media consumption, however, where pornography is dangerous: politics. Unfortunately, modern democracies are now flooded with political porn. It's killing our governments, stifling our civil liberties, and it has to stop.

What is political pornography, you ask?

The Pentagon developed a Atrazine-type spray that they would spray. They tested it actually in Iraq. That’s classified but it was — it got leaked. You can pull it up. Gay bomb!

Quoted from Patheos, 'Alex Jones and the Gay Frogs. Again.', 26 June 2018

Why do people listen to this? Because they've always really thought these things and are glad the truth is finally coming out? Because they are determined to be well-informed citizens? They listen to this because they enjoy it. This enjoyment can translate into a whole lot of misery for the rest of us. Do you remember the shots fired in the pizza restaurant? This kind of pornography we don't need.

Otherwise, feel free to indulge – as long as it's between consenting adults, and within reason. You won't go blind, but you really should watch/read something else every once in a while.

Writing Right with Dmitri Archive

Dmitri Gheorgheni

16.07.18 Front Page

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