h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film - A87906388
Author: Whitebottle - U43530

I name this Peer Review entry 'Dawn Treader'. May God Bless her and all who sail in her.'

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This was previously in the Edited Guide Writing Workshop F22153568?thread=8319791

I inexplicably missed the last comment there, but have now made the changes Gnomon suggested, although rather than omitting the footnote about 'Dark Island', I tweaked it to hopefully make it a little more relevant.

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I haven't seen the film, so I get the impression that you need to have seen the previous two in the series in order to be able to make sense of this one - is that what you found?

That's a fair point and one that I've hopefully addressed in a new paragraph in the 'review' section.

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Aha! "all a watcher needs to know is that the film is set in a magical world where Aslan represents the forces of good who are combatting evil."

The Plot section gives the impression that you need to have watched the previous two films. What are the key plot points?

'Need' is a little strong, isn't it? At no point do I imply that watching two earlier Narnia films is a fundamental prerequisite of life.

I'd say the main plot point is 'Caspian is sailing in a ship, the Dawn Treader, on a mission to find the Seven Swords of the Seven Lords of Telmar, who weren't mentioned in any previous Narnia film. This is in order to defeat an evil green mist that's not in the book or previous Narnia films and was in fact created especially for this film. Three schoolkids from 1940s England are among those accompanying him. Caspian, Lucy, Edmund and England have been seen before, everything else is new.'

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Happy Birthday 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film
This has been in Peer Review for a year!

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A87906388 The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

the Seven Lords of Telmar; Bern, Octesian, Restimar, Rhoop, Mavramorn, Revilian and Argoz

-- change the semicolon to a colon. The part after it is not a complete sentence, but an explanation or expansion of what comes before.

Eustace continues to be a nuisance -- you haven't mentioned Eustace being a nuisance before this although you describe him as unpleasant. Change this to: Eustance is a nuisance, attempting to steal ...

sent into the invisible house -- it's a while since I saw this film. Was the house really invisible?

they are trapped in a becalmed sea until Eustace pulls the Dawn Treader to Ramandu's Island despite the windless sea -- this feels like repetition as "becalmed sea" and "windless sea" mean the same thing. You could reword it as:


they are becalmed, trapped in a windless sea, until dragon-Eustace pulls the Dawn Treader to Ramandu's Island.

Liliandil, Ramandu's daughter, who is a blue star -- and totally hot! (just kidding)

different from the novel by CS Lewis. While CS Lewis' novel
-- to avoid repetition, leave out the "CS" the second time around:

different from the novel by CS Lewis. While Lewis' novel

In your "Differences from the Novel" section, I'm not sure if it is clear that the green mist is an entirely new plot element, not present in the book at all. You also don't mention that in the book there were two purposes to the voyage - to find the lords and also to explore to the End of the World.

within five years of their contact ending. -- I presume this should be "contract"

G

Thanks for the read-through again.
I can confirm that the house in this case is indeed invisible from the outside (though the contents are visible once Lucy enters). I've added a sentence to clarify this. I've also changed the 'Differences from the Novel' section too to help clarify the points you have raised too.

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Thanks, BB.

I find the Differences rather rambling and hard to read. I'll try and think of some way of improving it and will get back to you.

Jill Pole, a character in The Silver Chair -->

Jill Pole, a character in later books
(she's in The Last Battle as well as The Silver Chair)

That's a fair cop, I tweaked it a little but you're right in that it does read very stop-start and doesn't flow smoothly.

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That's a lot better now, BB. The structure of it is right now; you just need to do a few tweaks on individual sentences...


In the film crew need to search for the seven magical swords

The phrase "film crew" immediately suggests you are talking about the people who made the film. Make it more obvious with a comma and "the":

In the film, the crew...

many of their earlier adventures -- this suggests adventures that happened before the start of the film. Change it to:

many of the early adventures
or
many of the adventures early in the film

the various islands visited --> the various islands

Goldwater Island -- in the book, they did suggest this as a name but decided to call it Deathwater Island instead. I don't know about the film.

that are not in the book the film is based on -- since this is a section on differences from the novel, you can just say:

that are not in the book

In the film she is a blue star, in the novel her father Ramandu was the star and she was the daughter of a star. -- this is just two sentences stuck together with a comma. Reword it:

In the film she is a blue star - in the novel, her father Ramandu was the star and she was an apparently human daughter of a star.

You could even say:

In the film she is a blue star, giving off a faint blue glow. In the novel, her father Ramandu was the star and she was an apparently human daughter of a star.


I think that should be enough.

G

Lots more good points there, all of which I've changed as suggested. I used 'Deathwater Island' later in the review section so I've changed the earlier 'Goldwater' to Deathwater to be consistent, so that was a good spot too.

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Howevers:

This section contains spoilers, however it should be emphasised that viewers do not need to have seen -->
This section contains spoilers, but it should be emphasised that viewers do not need to have seen

However the mist manipulates the crew constantly -->
However, the mist manipulates the crew constantly

was a computer generated exterior, however the scenes in which the crew -->
was a computer generated exterior, although the scenes in which the crew

Ramandu's daughter was nameless in the novel, however she was named Liliandil by producer Douglas Gresham -->
Ramandu's daughter was nameless in the novel, but she was named Liliandil by producer Douglas Gresham

However the terms of their original contract -->
However, the terms of their original contract

they intended to film The Silver Chair, however in October 2018 when Walden Media's rights expired, the CS Lewis Company
-->
they intended to film The Silver Chair. In October 2018 when Walden Media's rights expired, however, the CS Lewis Company

Since 1994 only the British version has been published, however neither version influenced the finished film
-->
Since 1994 only the British version has been published, although neither version influenced the finished film

the ship has no clothes for boys, however Lucy finds clothes that fit her perfectly
-->
the ship has no clothes for boys, although Lucy finds clothes that fit her perfectly.

Thanks again, those changes have been made.

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is the magician Coriakin who had made the Dufflepuds invisible

-- it might be worth saying who the Dufflepuds are...

is the magician Coriakin who had made the local islanders, the Dufflepuds, invisible

from the evil green mist. He reveals that Dark Island is the source of the evil green mist that corrupts.

-- you don't need to keep saying "evil green mist". Rephrase it as:

from the evil green mist. He reveals that Dark Island is the source of the corrupting mist.

"Why Aslan took the swords all the way to Narnia to give them to a race of people who do not believe in his existence rather than leave the swords on his table where they could do some guarding instead is left unexplained."

-- Aslan likes to set challenges for all his subjects. This is carried to the extreme in The Silver Chair, where you almost feel that Aslan is saying "fooled you! You didn't think I'd make the message so big!".

The Lone Islands look like it was filmed --> The Lone Islands look like they were filmed

to contain original Narnia novel illustrations --> to feature original Narnia novel illustrations

Lucy and Edmund Pevensie, Prince Caspian --> Lucy and Edmund Pevensie, Caspian,

and Aslan of course.

-- I think this would be better as:

and of course Aslan.

G

Thanks Gnomon, I've made those tweaks, dialled the evil green mist down and added the bit about the possible motivation for Aslan following your suggestion.

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"'Need' is a little strong, isn't it? "

Sorry I wasn't clear in what I was trying to say. The plot section was not easy to understand if the reader was not already familiar with the Narnia series, but I see it is much improved

The first sentence:
"During the Second World War, the youngest two Pevensey children, Edmund and Lucy, are forced to stay in Cambridge with the Scrubb family" - this raises questions about who are the other Pevensey children and why do they not go to Cambridge, but you could just say, "During the Second World War, Edmund and Lucy Pevensey are forced to stay in Cambridge with the Scrubb family".

" the three children emerge baptised in Narnia" - " the three children emerge in Narnia"?

"Bern had hidden one of seven magic swords given by Aslan to guard Narnia, which he gives to Caspian, who then passes it to Edmund." - we don't know who Aslan is yet.

Thanks, I've made a couple of changes.

Being a story set in Narnia, CS Lewis' intention included a lot of allegorical Biblical imagery, including baptism for rebirth (Eustace is in effect reborn in the oceans of Narnia, leaving his previous sinful life behind before his return to ). Biblical imagery doesn't play as large a part in this film as in 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' but it is still there and was both CS Lewis' intent and almost certainly the intent of Christian film company Walden Media.

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