A Conversation for 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film

Edited Guide Writing Workshop: A87906388 - 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film - A87906388
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Awaiting a space in Peer Review.

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A87906388 - 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film

Post 2

Gnomon - time to move on

Just to get you started...

Made in collaboration with 20th Century Fox unlike Walk Disney -->

Made in collaboration with 20th Century Fox rather than Walt Disney

Walk Disney --> Walt Disney

the Scrubb's house --> the Scrubbs' house

chosen to sail --> chose to sail

generally constantly complaining --> generally complaining constantly

Dufflepods --> Dufflepuds (unless it's different in the film)

Here Caspian and Edmund find a cave with a pool that can turn anything placed into it to gold, with the power that this represents leading to Edmund and Caspian's temptation, which aided by Lucy they overcome. -- this sentence is too long. Split it into two or three sentences.

now he is physically cut off --> now that he is physically cut off

Liliandil, Ramandu's daughter, who is a blue star -- do you mean that Liliandil is a star? In the books she was only the daughter of a star; it was Ramandu who was the star. Or did you intend to say:

Liliandil, the daughter of Ramandu who is a blue star

He hoped to recapture the spirit --> Apted hoped to recapture the spirit

rather than worldwide than the first two films -->
rather than worldwide like the first two films

After Michael Apted consulted -- remove the word "After" from this. It seems to be left over from a previous version of this sentence.

The sail and the top of the mast was computer generated -->
The sail and the top of the mast were computer generated

This allowed it to be taken apart, taken and assembled -->
This allowed it to be reassembled

This included the Newhaven city -- you called it Narrowhaven the other time you mention it. And was it really a city?

filmed on an abandoned quarry --> filmed in an abandoned quarry

how to hold breath --> how to hold their breath

a maximum of five hours filming maximum per day -- was that maximum, do you think?

priorityy --> priority

You mention Will Poulter and Will Poulton. Which is he?

sunk without trace --> sank without trace

The order that the islands are visited in is also changed. The Dawn Treader also sails -- try and avoid having "also" in every sentence

on the Dawn Treaderin this voyage -- you're missing a space before in

come on-board the ship --> come on board the ship

are returned in rowing boats. This is despite the audience seeing off the Lone Islands that the Green Mist kidnapped people out of the rowboats, leaving them behind.
-- don't use both "rowing boats" and "rowboats". Stick to one or the other. I think the second sentence would be better as:

This is despite the audience seeing at the Lone Islands that the Green Mist kidnapped people out of the rowboats, leaving the boats behind.

Might it be worth mentioning that Mark Gordon intends to film The Silver Chair as the next in the series?


A87906388 - 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film

Post 3

Bluebottle

Thanks for those comments – I've made those tweaks.

I've mentioned that the Mark Gordon Company have announced that they intend to film 'The Silver Chair', but I'm not counting my Narnia films until they hatch as since 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader' I've seen announcements for 'The Silver Chair' and then 'The Magician's Nephew' - until it is in cinemas, it is an intention and no more.smiley - smiley

I've added a bit more about Liliandil smiley - star in the 'differences from the novel' section.

Do you think that I emphasised the fact that children could only film for a maximum of 5 hours maximum enough?

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A87906388 - 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film

Post 4

Gnomon - time to move on

Just a couple more tiny tweaks:

anything placed into it --> anything placed in it

but also directly in 3D as well --> but also directly in 3D as well
(you don't need both "also" and "as well")

I think you could omit footnote 3 about Dark Island in the book, as it is really nothing to do with this film.

smiley - ok


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Edited Guide Writing Workshop: A87906388 - 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' - the Film

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