h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian' - the Film - A87906379
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Awaiting availability in Peer Review.

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I think you should do a lot of work on this before you think of putting it near Peer Review.

It won't be going in Peer Review for at least three or four months, so there's plenty of time…

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As we're waiting with plenty of time, I'll ask – what would you change about this?

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It's mainly the Plot section I have an issue with. It's rushed and doesn't flow well.

Plot 1st paragraph

"Yet" is the wrong word here. It is used to introduce a contrast to the previous sentence but you've no contrast. You have "something bad happened yet something else bad happened". You could use "however" if you remember to put it second in the sentence, or "then", or just leave the yet out.

"The Old Narnians stay hidden" should be "are driven into hiding".

Plot paragraph 2
"After rescuing Trumpkin" - this is the first time you've mentioned him so you'll have to explain who he is. Similarly Nikabrik later on.

Plot para 3 you say Peter and Caspian clash over whether to undertake a raid. You should say who was in favour of it and that they persuaded the other, since the raid went ahead.

Nikabrik tries to summon the WW because he has more faith in her evil powers than in Aslan, who tends to encourage people to sort things out for themselves.

Other details:

different to the battle The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

the studios both had different visions

(they) attack Miraz's castle, which ultimately fails

Although at the end of the film...

The details about green and blue screen are confusing. I know you want to be accurate but we don't really care about the colour of the screens. Find some way to not get bogged down in the detail.

It's a fair cop, so I've made those tweaks.

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My previous post was written from my phone while I was walking to choir. If it seems a bit abrupt, that's the reason. Insert all the usual "Thanks for writing this, BB... please accept my suggestions etc" where appropriate.

No need to apologise, no offence taken.
I'm always flattered when you take the trouble to read in depth what I've written, especially considering you know how I still seem to make the same mistakes when writing. I can only assume it is because we have some interests in common.

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Here's the result of a detailed reading of this entry.



Made by Walden Media and Walt Disney Pictures --> It was made by Walden Media and Walt Disney Pictures

When they magically find themselves beneath a ruined castle, they realise that this is the ruined remains of their home -- remove the second "ruined".

Though this starts well it ends in disaster with many Narnians killed; both Peter and Caspian blaming the other for the failure.

-- split it into two:

Though this starts well it ends in disaster with many Narnians killed. Both Peter and Caspian blame the other for the failure.

or even:

Though this starts well, it ends in disaster and many Narnians are killed. Peter and Caspian each blame the other for the failure.

Prince Caspian was, written directed and produced by Andrew Adamson
--move the comma to after "written"

cameras were built into the actors' shields and helmets to get close ups as well as conventional cameras on cranes and close by
cameras were built into the actors' shields and helmets to get close ups as well as using conventional cameras on cranes and close by

different to the battle seen in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe -->
different from the battle in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Caverns beneath the battlefield was added -->
Caverns beneath the battlefield were added

Although at the end of the film magic is used -->
At the end of the film magic is used

It includes several additional scenes however these work well in context and never feel gratuitous or like padding -->
It includes several additional scenes yet these work well in context and never feel gratuitous or like padding

References to how Telmarines lords who oppose Miraz are going missing to set the scene for The Voyage of the Dawn Treader in which missing lords are looked for. -- this sentence is long and confused - it doesn't have main verb.

You could say:
References to Telmarines lords who oppose Miraz going missing help to set the scene...

but even that is somewhat hard to follow. Perhaps you could split it up as:

There are references to how Telmarines lords who oppose Miraz are going missing. This helps to set the scene for The Voyage of the Dawn Treader in which missing lords are looked for.

what happened to White Witch's palace -->
what happened to the White Witch's palace

In answer to the question, wasn't it made of ice?

Thanks again, tweaked

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