Do you know the real news is? Do you even care anymore?

Were you able to sort the wheat from the chaff in this month's offerings? Here are the True or False answers, according to assorted online sources.

1. A former high-level officer of the CIA and a former US Department of Defense official have announced that 'UFOs are real'. True. We mean, it's true that they said that. The Brightling aliens are planning to visit them with flashing lights.
2. After his trip to Japan, Donald Trump has decided to fund a programme to install koi ponds in government facilities around the US. False. Mr Trump has not developed a sudden interest in nature.
3. The US State of California recently rejected a school textbook because it included the claim that US President James Buchanan was gay. False. In fact, the state has rejected textbooks because they failed to call out the sexual orientation of Buchanan and other historical figures, or were weak on LGBTQ contributions.
4. Police in East Lansing, Michigan, threatened people who ended up in their jail with an unusual punishment: they would reveal Spoilers of a popular TV show. True. The show is called Stranger Things.
5. Malaysian police have confirmed the existence of a weird catlike creature with a human head that has been repeatedly sighted on Youtube. False. They continue to deny that this thing exists, no matter how many pranksters post on Youtube. And they wish you'd stop asking.
6. A German homeowner reported the sighting of a UXB (unexploded bomb) from World War II. It turned out to be a courgette (zucchini). True. It happened in Bretten, near Karlsruhe.
7. A woman in Florida was arrested for Driving Under the Influence – on horseback. True. Of course it's true: you can't make up Florida news.
8. Australia's new broadband network became endangered when cockatoos developed a taste for the cables. True. The birds have cost Australia A$80,000 so far.
9. A Hawaiian judge sentenced a defendant who violated a restraining order to write 144 'nice things' about his ex-girlfriend. True. He also got a fine and community service, but he had to make up for the 144 mean texts he sent.
10. A Utah couple reported that their dog pretended to be sick so that they would stay home with him. True. It worked – and cost them a veterinary bill. Raise your hand if you didn't know that dogs could lie. Shame on you: canines are accomplished actors. Cats are just sneaky.

If you're beginning to believe the world has taken a left turn into the Twilight Zone these days, you're not alone. Just keep reading the Post: we'll keep straightening out the 'news'.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

27.11.17 Front Page

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