The Post Quiz: Reading Between the Lies
Created | Updated Jul 17, 2016
This one will make you work.
The Post Quiz: Reading Between the Lies
It's official: Awix has now written 450 reviews. (At least, he says so, and the Editor is too lazy to count.) Of course, you've read all of them. And equally of course, you know them all by heart. So this quiz should be as easy as dropping popcorn at the multiplex.
Name the film so brilliantly described below.
- The pitch for this movie was probably along the lines of 'Gladiator meets Shakespeare in Love' – it has the martial pomposity of the former and the broad humour of the latter.
- The researcher would like to thank the Lord Summerisle and the people of his island off the west coast of Scotland for this privileged insight into their religious practices and for their generous co-operation in the writing of this review.
- ...it's as soppy and cosy as big soppy puppy with extra cosy fluffy puppy hair on it.
- Suffice to say that before all is done and dusted, there's time for sing-songs, iguana-spotting, the odd duet on violin and cello, grisly ad hoc brain surgery, cunning ruses, heroism, tragedy, and one really and truly shockingly bad pun (and as attentive masochists will know, that's an informed opinion).
- More evidence of the British Film Council's unerring instinct when it comes to investing millions of pounds in complete crap is provided with the release of _____________, which I unhesitatingly award the title of Worst Film I've Seen Since I Started Writing For The Post. It possesses all the wit, charm, and entertainment value of being harpooned in the scrotum.
- ...our toothsome inch-high superspy has gone into semi-retirement as a trainer of other agents and is all set for domestic bliss with his fiancéé…. But then – wouldn't you know it! – one of Tom's trainees gets into trouble and he's sent in to rescue her. This does not go entirely to plan and Tom finds himself on the wrong side of lardy arms dealer Philip Seymour Hoffman, whose main hobby is putting bombs up peoples' noses.
- Friends, I have a confession to make. Mild mannered though I may appear, a terrible monster lurks inside me. I try to control it as best I can because I know the terrible suffering it can create when it runs out of control... but sometimes, no matter how I struggle, events conspire against me; a horrible mist obscures my vision, and I just... feel the urge... to REVIEW! Rarrgh! Awix review!!! Awix reviews everything in sight...!!! ...until the critical ire of the beast is exhausted and I can relax and watch a Milla Jovovich movie without fear of an aneurysm.
Well, as luck would have it, today I found myself watching a film about a man with a similar problem… - Statham gets a moment of glorious, characteristic nonsense when he beats up two men and jumps out of a window..
- I Elected An Axe Murderer. (Review title)
- Something really odd starts happening to the film at this point, although it has been on the cards since the start. As you can see, Stallone has run out of superannuated 80s action movie heroes to recruit for these movies...
Now, no fair looking them up. Guess which epic film Awix was describing in each quote first. Then click the logo below to find out the answer.
