It's all fun and games on the ISS
Problems on the International Space Station
We all have problems throughout life and most can be sorted out and or coped with. But on the International Space Station, a small problem can be a very large problem. You can't just call an electrician/plumber etc.
So here's my warped view (and other contributors) via one of my journal entries of some of the problems that “could” arise on the Space Station...Run out of bog roll and there's NO grass in space!
Don't attempt re entry under any circumstancesPhart as loud as you want in space, no one can hear you - but! it'll still smell
Well it would its trapped in yer space suit.
It could still become a gas cloud in space and form a NebulaThe Yorkshire section of the International Space Station has just fitted an outside toilet for when someone's been having curries..You've pulled the wrong chain! THAT one is the docking release for the supply shuttle.In space no-one can hear you eating ice-cream.Just look out of the porthole at the telephone engineers trying to get a phone cable up here for fibre optic broadband The commander of the station has cancelled the news paper delivery the daily isn't getting here on time, it's months late ?This space station runs on hot air collected from the British Parliament and House of Lords I shouted to the American astronaut, don't forget to put the cat out tonight err! it's now passing Saturn.“Good Rates on Cavity Wall Insulation"..."Double Glazing - 50% off before April"
Aw no!! JUNK MAIL! even up here Note to next shuttle supply delivery, send some 6ins nails/hammer! fed up of duvet floating away during night...Aw eck! Send for a pc engineer, some berks put microchips (potato) into a console and NOT microchips (silicon type) cheap labour again Huston! we have a problem! Someone in mission control has forgotten to put a bob in the meter and we need the gas oven to cook our steak pies...Commander! there's dark matter showing up on one of the viewing camera's ?
WELL! get a wet-wipe and go space walk and clean it off then NASA has come to the conclusion that black holes are the universes equivalent of the potholes in our street and with government cutbacks they've no chance of being filled!Wow mate! are you ok ? I just watched you fall through the clouds, are you a parachutist ?
Nah! Astronaut! But that first step out of the International Space Station is a real doozy!Oi! it might be ok to leave the back door open on a hot day back home.
BUT! here, it's not cold air in - it's all air out! GASP!!! So shut it!Commander! can you request from NASA a bricked patio for the space station ? Some of us want to have a barbecue.Hey chaps! has anyone got £6.50/$9.99/Russian Rouble 552.554 in change ? The window cleaner's just cleaned the solar panels...Stop chucking bits of out of the airlock! You'll not get the to leave, they ain't THAT stupid...Yep! they say there's paint flakes in orbit, travelling at around 17 thousand MPH and other space junk! They don't say about the and chewing gum foils.OK! which idiot has hung their washing outside ? there's NO air to blow them dry, plus were on the dark side of the planet so no sun either for a few hours.
What about the solar wind ? ….....clever bugger Rights chaps! I want 10 volunteers to donate an arm and a leg each because that's what it's going to cost to have the cable guy install fibre optic up to here, so we can have broadband and watch Netflix/Sky and many other channels..Notify NASA, the 2 cleaners are demanding a wage rise because 10.46 euro's per hour isn't enough to travel to the space station once a week to clean/polish/hoover etcVladimir has just sent out an order for a pizza delivery from one of those places that if it's not delivered by a certain time, it's free....he forgot the free 1ltr coke!....Its a mother of a long way on a moped!....aye! but it's all downhill going back..Err! Commander! is there something going off that we are not being told about ?
As in what ?
Well! on the next supply craft that's due, there's an order for rolls of draught excluder ?NASA! I have a request from the crew up here as to the following! which bright 'erb! designed the space station door with a letterbox ? YOU want to see the junk mail we're getting even up here and NO! we don't want life insurance paid on death, it's a rip off!S'cuse me! has anyone got a match or lighter ? the suns gone out.
Can someone tell him that we're on the dark side of earth ie! it's night time There's a scuttlebug floating around that we're going to build a Mars Bar, so the astronauts have somewhere to go when they get there..I've just won a competition.
Whatcha won then ?
A week at the International Space Station Simulator at N.A.S.A.Can someone send a semaphore message to the phone company, the string between our baked bean tin and NASA'S has broken and needs fixing...That astronaut on the space-walk, is he a newbie ? He looks a bit green about the gills ?
THAT'S cos you've trapped his air-hose in the decompression door!!
Don't laugh! Stranger things have happened in space!
And might do!
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