Writing Right with Dmitri: Two for the Price of One

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Writing Right with Dmitri: Two for the Price of One

Editor at work.

May I recommend a book to you? You can read it online. It's called Against the Wind, and it was written back in 1958 by Geoffrey Household. For some reason I don't understand, the book, which is an autobiography, appears to be out of copyright. Which has nothing whatever to do with your reading it, just explains what it's doing online.

I guess Geoffrey's not a household name these days, pardon the pun. But his novel Rogue Male made a splash early in World War II. I'm fond of his writing, myself: sort of like Graham Greene, only better. And free from all that religious bushwah, although in his autobiography Household admits to having hidden a subplot about the Manichaean heresy in one of his thrillers. Anyway, if you haven't read Household's prose, you're in for a treat, and if you have, you'll know what I'm getting at.

I was pleased to find this book for two reasons. One, I've always been curious about this writer, because he seemed to know a lot about some very unusual situations, such as Romania between the two world wars. I wondered how he came by this information. Second – and this is the topic I'm going to talk about first, being contrary like that – I'm getting kind of beat up when it comes to this 'writing advice' business.

I mean, we need to have a forum for discussing our ideas, needs, and frustrations when it comes to writing. I get that. But I'm not sure how much I really know, anyway, and I'm a language and history teacher, not a writing instructor. So I'm never sure how much my imparting of personal techniques helps (or hinders) the process. But hey, Mr Household was a bona fide Author, and an English one to boot. He even lived in Dorset for a while. He shot things. (His description of the rabbits in Somerset one summer is priceless.) So his advice carries weight far above mine. As he (modestly?) says, he's a sort of 'major general' in the writing department. (He really says that!)

Household's midlife autobiography has three chapters, titled 'Traveller', 'Soldier', and 'Craftsman'. What you see is what you get. But you can tell from that last section that he's going to share his ideas about writing with you. In particular, about English writing. If you aspire to be an English writer, you might do far worse than read Household. He knows what he's talking about. And his advice is sound, and often wryly funny. For a major general, he's not very conceited.

I particularly appreciate Household's matter-of-fact attitude about what he does for a living. He's no more conceited about his writing than he is about his previous careers as travelling salesman or security officer. This is a job, this is what I learned about it, this is how I do it. (His admission about how that Manichaean heresy business messed up his spy thriller is particularly useful, besides bringing chuckles to this reader.) Read him, get wise, and don't ask me questions, 'cause I don't know anything.

Now, for the other part of the story. The part I do know something about.

Research

It bugs me – it really does – that people keep whining on at me, 'But that requires research!' in an aggrieved tone of pixels. Get over it. I will maintain to my dying day that if you aren't interested in anything outside yourself, you aren't interesting to anyone besides yourself, so stop writing unless you're being paid handsomely for dry business reports. And if you don't know enough about the subject you're writing about, you need to do research.

I suspect the people who whine at me think that by research, I mean 'look it up in Wikipedia or the Britannica'. I know what their school essays looked like. No, I mean do research.

How can you 'do research'? Well…

  • You could do that brilliant thing MVP did: take a walk down to a historic mill and look around. Ask questions. It won't kill you.
  • You could study old photos, listen to old music.
  • You could take your own photos, like Cactuscafe or Freewayriding. Lots to learn that way.
  • You could talk to old people. (You'll be one yourself, one day.)
  • You could read a book like Against the Wind, and store up titbits.

Geoffrey Household got out of Oxford with zero clue what to do with himself. It was 1922. He had no marketable skills. (He had an English Lit degree. You can imagine what that was worth.) He ended up in Bucuresti, Romania, at the Ottoman Bank. It had something to do with his roommate's dad and some grouse. He'll tell it better.

Between the two world wars, Household travelled through Europe, the Middle East, South and Central America, and the United States. He sold bananas and ink. He met people. He collected knowledge that served him well, first as an Intelligence officer (no, not a spy, more of a customs agent) during World War II, and later, as a novelist. That was his research.

Yours can very well be to find out what he told about what he knew. Here are some things I learned from this book:

  • Around World War I, horse-drawn cabs in Bucuresti were driven by Romanian religious eunuchs. (Who knew?)
  • In Somerset, rabbits come in interesting colours. 'Some were black, some red as a fox, and some, fathered by liberal-minded, rabbit-coloured rabbits, were tortoiseshell.'
  • Before pressurised cabins, airplanes at high altitudes supplied oxygen tubes for passengers. Household flew over the Andes, then the highest commercial flight available, and said he 'endeavoured to master the difficult art of sucking oxygen from the tube beside my seat without returning into it my lunch.'
  • In the 1920s, border controls between France and Spain were really casual, but waiters on Texas trains refused to exchange pesos. Now that's useful information for your historical novel.
  • In Iraq, there's an ancient and enormous carving on a cliff wall. It's by Darius, king of the Persians, but it's significant because it works as a Rosetta Stone for cuneiform. For some reason, I never knew this. Goes in the packrat's knapsack.
  • In the 1940s, British Intelligence was busy chasing down rumours that there were arms cached by pro-German Arabs in the caves between Bethlehem and the Dead Sea. Somehow, they not only found no arms in there, but completely failed to notice the Dead Sea Scrolls, as well.

There are more gems like this in the book. I leave you to find them. One person's trash is another's treasure. But see – plunge into this little book, and you'll come out wiser than before. I may even have learned a lick or two from Household.

I can hope, anyway. If I keep practicing.

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Dmitri Gheorgheni

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