h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. William Shakespeare and Miguel de Cervantes died on the same date – but not on the same day. How did this happen?
Because Shakespeare was well-renound for being very tight with money, and so didn't have the right days newspaper, to know the correct day. err..

2. In the 19th Century, Turkish men were ordered to stop wearing turbans and switch to fezzes. They resisted this 'modern' change. Why?
Turbans were more useful for storing food inside.


3. Fezzes were hats. Why didn't they have brims?
Due to prohibitive Brim-taxes, brought in by the government.

4. In 1860, newly elected US President Abraham Lincoln grew a beard. The suggestion came from an eleven-year-old girl, Grace Bedell. Why did she think
he'd look better in a beard, and how does this story fit in the context of 1860?
Because, everyone knows men look sexier with beards, as, indeed, do some women.

5. In 1861, Lincoln had to move to Washington. The Pinkerton Detective Agency was charged with getting Lincoln to his inauguration safely. Why was this
necessary?
Because he had a really bad sense of direction, and was prone to getting lost.

6. In 1865, alas, John Wilkes Booth shot and killed Abraham Lincoln. Police were looking for the fugitive assassin everywhere, but he wasn't too hard to
spot. You see, Booth's face was almost as famous as Lincoln's. Why?
He was the inventor of the photo booth, and so, his photo was on every photo booth. err..
7. Enough about Lincoln. Actress and writer Ruth Gordon was born in 1896, so she never met him. In 1920, when she was already a successful stage actress,
Gordon voluntarily underwent a painful procedure to cure her hereditary bowleggedness. Why then?
Because legs had only just become fashionable, and sexy.

8. Actor Cameron Mitchell was born in 1918 in Pennsylvania. But at that time, his name was 'Mitzel'. His mentors, the famous Lunts, suggested that he change
it when he started acting in the years between the world wars. Why?
Because no one could spel it.

9. The US president who decided to drop atomic bombs on Japan didn't even know the weapon existed four months before. How come?
They were that* top secret, simples.

10. During the 2003 Iraq war, reporter Anne Garrels sent in her reports from a Baghdad hotel room. She was naked at the time. Why?
It was hot... and thinking is so much easier to do when nakered.list end
*goes to check actual answers*

OH.

You and the Prof take the cake.

These answers are better than the real ones.

(that was kinda my idea ) although.... To be honest... I don't think I'd have known a single one of the correct answers anyhow... My history is really that* bad ; I got an A in it.... which probably reveals more about the examination system at the time I studied and did my GCSE/O-level

Don't I know it.

There are more bad ways to teach history...

All I recall being 'taught' at school, was world war II... all I recall from it, was that we basically did the same stuff... again and again... from middle school (aged about 11?), until end of GCSEs, err, age 16... I turned off to it, as it was just the same... and at about age 11.5 Quite how I then managed to get an A at GCSE Mind, I did turn up to that exam sober... I was drunk during my French exam... and got a C

Mind you, turning up drunk might be a plus for learning French.

A French scholar I knew said his exam in French Surrealism involved the prof handing them raw eggs. They threw them at the prof - and got As.

You see, it was an 'eggs-a-main' - egss in the hand.

Mine was a French language exam.... Started learning French at middle school.... 3 years... and maybe I knew six words managed to learn a few more at high school... but alwayws really really struggled with grammer; the French teachers, always assumed we knew grammer in English; it being our own language; having never been taught any formal grammer, in English; the concepts of grammer, when in French.... meant absolutely nothing.... I did learn to play poker quite well, with a couple of friends, in French class, who were equally unable to follow a single thing the teachers were saying, at the front I spent an aweful ot of my younger, school going life, day dreaming... and gazing... out of windows... Until age 14, anyhow, when I suddenly started being able to get into pubs, at which point, I just bunked off school a lot and learnt how to play pool and darts

see? Bad language instruction leads to juvenile delinquency. I knew it.

I had a terrible Spanish teacher, switched to German, ahd a great teacher. Our high school third-year German class was about a dozen students. Most of us won awards in competitive exams - a tribute to the brilliant woman who taught us.

We also had an illegal amount of fun with the language - leading to my mom's rule, 'No German at the dinner table.'

I really really really wish I was better with languages.... William is so* good... I mean, only today, he was speaking Swedish... and I was trying to even pronounce some of the words, and failing and he only started looking at Swedish a few days back then we were in the Polish supermarket; True, I've learnt enough to ask for 200 Grams of Edam in Polish... but that's it... he asked for the kielbasa at the deli counter, in Polish, then did at the till in Polish too he's also teaching me a bit of Hindi... I'm fairly good already, on some food names in Hindi and asides that I can do 'yes' and 'no' so far... I'm just so slow at learning it! talking of which... I've still not managed to learn a word of Swedish.... and I was hoping to have gotten a couple of words in my head, properly, at least by the time I fly off Mind, from the bits I've heard... I can't help but think it sounds an Aweful lot like German, in many ways... well, some of the words seem simular to me... mind, not that I know much German... so taht ain't much help eitehr really I've enough difficulty with englash err, inglish... english... TBH and that's meant to be my first tongue... err... language

Yeah, Swedish is related to German and English. So's Dutch, which the Germans say isn't a language, but a throat disease...

Keep at it, you'll get it It's a rewarding thing, and people appreciate it if you try, anyway.

The Dutch always asked me, 'But WHY do you bother learning Dutch? You're not from Holland, Michigan, are you?'

Oh... one of my proudest moments, of my adult life, was language related;

Asking for two hundred grams of Polish Edam in the Polish supermarket, and not* making the girl behind the counter giggle... (as she had done on my previous terrible attempts to pronounce the words right...)

- well, William can try give me a crash lesson in Swedish on the train into London... 50 minutes journey... surely I can learn one or two ... 'useful' words... in that time

Mind... William's been threatening for ages, to teach me his favorite language of all, which he speaks; Esperanto! - it migh tnot be a language that took off quite as the European union (or whatever it was at the time), thought/hoped it would, but it seems across Europe there are some very avid speakers; One big advantage, of which, is apparently; as speakers are not very common, most of the avid speakers will happily put you up... feed you... in their home, if you give htem a few days warning; just so they've got a fellow Esperanto speaker, to talk to in that language William's a memember of several such groups, now of course found on the interwebs Plus; as William points, out, as its not widly spoken; he can or, rather we can have converstations in it, whilst in public; and as no one will understand it, we can effectively communicate in private.... (particularlly useful if he wants to tell me something about someone we're near, or talking too... or a particularly..... wothy person in teh vacinity )

I must do a list of essential words I might need.... in Swedish, or other languages..... 'yes' and 'no'.... 'faster', and 'harder'.... perhaps <w and... hmmm.... No... I think it'll be best if I don't learn the word for 'stop'

I was giving a young businessman lessons in English once. He was Swiss, and we both lived in western North Carolina, where the accent is really strong.

We'd meet in a fast food place. The girl behind the counter had a massive crush on my student, who was blond, tall, and toothy, but shy. Most of the time, I'd order for him.

But one day, he said, 'No. I can do this.' He turned to the girl and said, 'I'd like an ICEtea, pliss.'

She batted her eyes and cooed back, 'yew wahwnt leeeeemoun with thayat?'

Stefan looked at me helplessly, and I died laughing. Then I translated.

It must be like that for a lot of people, who have learnt English, really*really well.... and then they find themselves in the UK, and get confronted by any one of a number of what can sometimes be even to me, as a so-called native, impenitrable accent... some really broad Scottish, especially Glasgow type accents, can really give me as even for me Ihave to concentrate so hard on what's being said... then of course, a really strong Birmingham accent... or Liverpool... or, indeed strong Suffolk or NOrfolk, or I guess any part of the fens... or... etc., etc.
OK. Ithink Iknow the word for 'yes' now.
I think that's really all I need to know.... afterall if I don't know the word 'no' I really have no other choice than to be obedient actually... I'm sure no is sort of nearly like the German... or... Polish or something... or not... of course

You might want to learn 'maybe'.

Oh. no.

There is no 'maybe'.

I mean... think of some possible questions......

"do you want me to stop". answer = yes.
"is that too hard/painful?"; answer = no.

or....
"are you still there?" answer 'yes.... I mean no... I mean... MMMMMMMM'

Hmmmm.... nah... trust me... what could posisbly go wrong

Hm, elk attack?

NO one expects an elk attach! elk? they have elk?!

In Sweden? Sure.

I think they even have a word that means 'collision between a car and an elk'. Ask Milla.

and... let me guess.... 200 differnt words for pickled herring! according to some things I've read... apprently that is all they eat in Sweden... which I'm pretty sure ain't true... like saying the Brits only eat roast beef, I guess

Ask Milla.

I dunno what they eat, I've never been there.

But I spent 24 hours in Reykjavik once. And they eat a LOT of fish.

They also eat Knaeckebrot, and mutton - 3 times as many sheep as people - and pineapple.

They grow their own pineapple on their volcanic soil.

They also eat shark. Which they bury in the volcanic soil for about 10 years.