h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Doctor Who Enemies: The Rani - A87833703
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Yep, it's another Doctor Who related one. There are still plenty of enemies left to write about, by the way, including:
The Crack in the Wall
Davros
Great Intelligence
Judoon
Ood
Sil
The Silence
Time Lords
Weeping Angels

And of course Humans – the species that most villains in Doctor Who seem to be.

<BB<

Hi Bluebottle.

I hadn't heard of the Rani, as I stopped watching Doctor Who in the mid-1970s. This is a good entry.

I know you won't mind me giving it a thorough going over.

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Content:

"Since the show's relaunch in 2005, the Doctor has believed himself to be the last of the Time Lords." -- that's not strictly. It says that in all the period from 2005 to now the Doctor thought himself the last remaining Time Lord. But he encountered the Master in this period, so he realised he was wrong. You could phrase it as:

"When the show was relaunched in 2005, the Doctor believed himself to be the last of the Time Lords. He subsequently came across the Master again, but has not yet re-encountered the Rani. She is one of the few recurring..."

I'm confused by the paragraph about EastEnders. You say the episode includes members of the cast of EastEnders though the Doctor watches EastEnders in a different series. Why do you say "though"? Why would him watching it prevent him from meeting the characters?

It's not immediately obvious what you mean by this: "Neither of the characters that appear in the sequences set in 2013, Pauline Fowler and Kathy Beale, were still in the show in 2013." Do you mean in actual life they were no longer in the series?

Dimensions in Time consisted of two 3-D episodes -- did these have to be watched with red and green glasses?

If The Mark of the Rani was set in 1820, then it was before the Victorian Era, so I don't think you can't use the term "many of Victorian Britain's greatest minds". The Victorian Era started in 1837 when Victoria was crowned queen.

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Detail:

the Rani. A female Time Lord1 who is the Doctor's equal. -- you've a sentence here with no verb. You should join it to the previous sentence using a colon or a dash:

the Rani: a female Time Lord1 who is the Doctor's equal.

the Rani - a female Time Lord1 who is the Doctor's equal.

Only the completion of her scientific experiments mattered --change this to present tense:
Only the completion of her scientific experiments matters

described her creation in with the words -- remove the word "in"

Doctor Who's quarries -- that might need a footnote for those not familiar with the series

Some time after she began to rule her own planet -- put a comma after "some time after".

performing experiments on humans. These experiments -- remove the irritating repetition of experiments by rephrasing the second sentence:

"Designed to harvest a chemical only found in human brains, these leave a mark on the necks..."

Colin Baker, Nicola Bryant and Kate O'Mara, who played the Doctor, his companion Peri as well as the Rani
-- "as well as" is wrong here. It suggests that someone played two parts. It should be:

Colin Baker, Nicola Bryant and Kate O'Mara, who played the Doctor, his companion Peri and the Rani

as the chronan shell -- shouldn't that be the chronon shell?

she delights dressed up as Mel -- this sounds a bit odd. Did you mean "she delights in dressing up as Mel" or "she delights [us] when dressed as Mel"? If it is the latter, then word it as:

she delights when dressed as Mel

which frequently alternates between 1973, 1993 and 2013 -- alternates means "switches between two things", so you should use a different word there. Perhaps "switches".

had intended for the Rani to appear the year after The Mark of the Rani -->
had intended for the Rani to appear again the year after The Mark of the Rani

as a sequel to Time and the Rani, in which the Doctor does not appear -- this is wrong. You're telling us that the Doctor does not appear in Time and the Rani, but you've already told us all about it and he definitely does appear in it. Reword the sentence so that your clause "in which the Doctor does not appear" is attached to the thing it is describing.

is to, in her own words, 'pickle [Time Lords] -->
is, in her own words, to 'pickle [Time Lords]

Monk (Meddling) -- I think this would be better as Meddling Monk. I can't see any reason to swap it around.

but also spin and hurtle the occupant who inadvertently stepped upon it -- keep the tense of step the same as that of spin:

but also spin and hurtle the occupant who inadvertently steps upon it

Thanks Gnomon. I've added a little more about the 3-D broadcast and reworded the EastEnders section too. The point is, if in the Whoniverse 'EastEnders' is a work of fiction (as the Doctor watches it on the telly), how can the Doctor interact with the characters as if they are real?

The Meddling Monk is often called simply 'the Monk', but I've reworded that bit to be Meddling Monk.

<BB<

BB

Just a link to A12461186 please and I'm happy with this

GB

Link to that, and the latest approved Dr Who entry, added

<BB<

I'm still not convinced that it is clear what you are saying about Eastenders.

You say:

"This story also inexplicably features characters from television soap EastEnders, even though the Doctor later watches an episode in 'Army of Ghosts' and at least one character in EastEnders has been a Doctor Who fan. "

Is it obvious to other reviewers hat this means? Or does it need to be spelled out more?

this prevented their ability to sleep
-- This doesn't sound right. I don't think you can prevent an ability. Say:
this prevented them from sleeping

chaos and complete mayhem

-- these are two different words for the same thing so you don't really need both. Just say "complete mayhem".

When using 19th Century as an adjective, put a hyphen in it:

early 19th Century industrial town -->
early-19th-Century industrial town

19th century Britain --> 19th-Century Britain

(the capital C on century is not standard English but is House Style)

Normally I ask you to remove excess alsos, but here's a case where you could do with one:

The novelisation was by Pip and Jane Baker. -- Since you mention Pip and Jane Baker in the previous sentence, it is worth rewording this as:

The novelisation was by also Pip and Jane Baker.

as is shown by her always wanting to be experimenting on them
-->
as is shown by her always wanting to experiment on them

When not found ruling her planet, which seems to be most of the time
-- I'm not clear as to whether you mean she spends most of her time ruling, or most of her time not ruling

looking like an old working-class crone and even Mel
-->
looking like an old working-class crone and even like Mel

These spectacular devices ... hurtle the occupant who inadvertently steps upon it

-- that should be "who inadvertently steps on them"

Good points well made – I've re-written the EastEnders bit in more detail, and made the other changes as suggested. Does it make more sense now?

<BB<

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