h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: UPDATE: Doctor Who Enemies: The Ice Warriors - A87829500
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

This is an entry intended to update: A1090090 - Doctor Who Enemies: The Ice Warriors by CYBERHUMAN (U186831) and spook (U183955)

(If anyone wants to help update h2g2's Doctor Who entries, we still need ones on the Intelligence (Great), Judoon and Ood!

<BB<

Hi <BB< thanks for this update

I do watch Doctor Who but I don't absorb enough information to be able to write about the aliens, sorry!


>>Sadly, Aggedor also died while killing Eckersley.<<
that sounded to me like Aggedor died twice (though I know what you meant), it would be better written as:

"Sadly, Aggedor died while killing Eckersley."



onboard their vessel, onboard a submarine (twice) = on board



I've always loved the iconic Ice Warriors and have been badgering to bring back for ages. And now they're on a ssssssubmarine!
=
to bring *them* back for ages.



Zoe - without the umlaut this name would by Zoe rhymes with "Toe" when in fact the name Zoë is pronounced "Zowie" - although my memory doesn't extend back as far as the Second Doctor's companion Zoë so I don't remember whether they called her Zoe or Zoë.



in classic Bond filmThe Spy Who Loved Me
=
you need a &nbsp; between the two tags following "film" and before "The" to separate the words.



under Header TV Episode Checklist
5 bullet points
•'The Ice Warriors' (1967). 6 episodes,
would look better with a colon instead of a full-stop so that the number doesn't start a sentence.
=
•'The Ice Warriors' (1967): 6 episodes,
please fix all 5 bullet points



preproduction = I think this should be hyphenated "pre-production" even though my spell-checker is telling me it's ok, it does look wrong as all one wordwould you check it please?

That's it for nowthanks <BB< great work

GB

Good points – I've made all the suggested amendments, including a dotty Zoë and pre-production.

<BB<

Proofreading A87829500 UPDATE Ice Warriors

Please ensure the episode summaries are in present tense. At the moment they're a mixture of present and past.

dozens of Ice Warriors in their spacecraft were sent out to search for a suitable new home
-- sounds odd, as if the Ice Warriors were just sitting there in their spacecraft and then were sent out. I suggest:

dozens of Ice Warriors were sent out in spacecraft to search for a suitable new home

Please explain what transmats are at the first reference to them, rather than later on.

'The Curse of Peladon' summary: make it clearer that Izlyr and Ssorg are Ice Warriors rather than the local Peladon species.

They wish to benefit Galaxy Five
-- this sounds a bit odd. I'd suggest "They are supporters of Federation's rivals, Galaxy Five" or whatever is appropriate.

bearing in mind that they come from Mars where reptiles were more likely to survive
-- I don't understand this. Mars is much colder than Earth. Reptiles need heat.

that [the Ice Warrior design] one's slightly less familiar

-- this is a bit clunky. Perhaps phrase it as:

[the Ice Warrior design is] slightly less familiar

a super-version of the original..
-- remove the second full stop.

made out of urethane rubber rather than the fibreglass it had in the past -->
made out of urethane rubber rather than the fibreglass used in the past

The Soviet submarine model built was designed to replicate -- remove the word "built"

By the way, Zoe, always pronounced to rhyme with doughy, can be spelled with or without a diaeresis (two dots). Which version did they use in the credits?

Thanks Gnomon - good points raised, changes have been made and I'll double check the spelling of Zoe in the end credits when I'm home tonight. I believe it is the dottyless spelling that is used, but I'll confirm for certain and use whatever spelling the BBC did.

<BB<

How's this coming along?

h2g2 Eds

Check the Moffat quote - 'slowing moving' can't be right.

Should have been 'slow moving' - now corrected.

<BB<

Oh, and it was the dotless Zoe too. I thought I'd said.

<BB<

I've done another detailed read-through of this and can't find anything wrong with it.

We have applied the update, well done to Bluebottle and all the reviewers



h2g2 Eds

Thanks everyone!

<BB<

Excellent