A Conversation for Pavement - the Band
Peer Review: A87827458 - Pavement - the Band
SashaQ - happysad Started conversation Apr 15, 2014
Entry: Pavement - the Band - A87827458
Author: SashaQ - towel - U9936370
This is a Flea Market Rescue
Original Entry: Pavement - The Band - A449471
Original Author: Worthless - U153864
A87827458 - Pavement - the Band
Bluebottle Posted Apr 15, 2014
That was a speedy Rescue!
It isn't a band I'm familiar with, but to start the ball rolling I'll just mention this sentence which seems to be missing something.
'played what was widely believed to be their final gig, in the .'
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A87827458 - Pavement - the Band
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Apr 15, 2014
This could do with a few headers to break it up.
I'm also severely tempted to put in [Citation Needed] at certain points.
A87827458 - Pavement - the Band
SashaQ - happysad Posted Apr 16, 2014
Thanks Gnomon
Headers added, and I've toned down some of the enthusiasm at certain points
The original author was definitely a fan, but I'm not particularly familiar with the band myself either.
A87827458 - Pavement - the Band
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Sep 4, 2014
A few minor points, otherwise this is perfect.
named for a shooting in a Stockton school
-->
named after a shooting in a Stockton school
(British English)
The following months saw the release of a new EP, Watery Domestic, a compilation of their early EPs and other tracks entitled Westing By Musket And Sextant, and the departure of Gary Young.
-- "the departure of Gary Young" is so distant from the verb which covers it "saw" that we lose the sense of this sentence. It's as if you tacked "and the departure of Gary Young" onto a totally unrelated sentence.
Can you reword to avoid the repetition of 'Father to a Sister of Thought', please.
the prophecies of a split seemed as if they were about to become true
-- this is a rather roundabout way of saying that the prophecies came true. You say in the next sentence that they split up.
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Bluebottle Posted Oct 6, 2014
Well done SashaQ! Seeing this entry get out of the Flea Market and make it through Peer Review has made sorting through the Sin Bin worthwhile.
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Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Oct 6, 2014
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
SashaQ - happysad Posted Oct 6, 2014
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Peer Review: A87827458 - Pavement - the Band
- 1: SashaQ - happysad (Apr 15, 2014)
- 2: Bluebottle (Apr 15, 2014)
- 3: SashaQ - happysad (Apr 15, 2014)
- 4: Gnomon - time to move on (Apr 15, 2014)
- 5: SashaQ - happysad (Apr 16, 2014)
- 6: SashaQ - happysad (Sep 3, 2014)
- 7: Gnomon - time to move on (Sep 4, 2014)
- 8: SashaQ - happysad (Sep 4, 2014)
- 9: h2g2 auto-messages (Oct 6, 2014)
- 10: Bluebottle (Oct 6, 2014)
- 11: Gnomon - time to move on (Oct 6, 2014)
- 12: SashaQ - happysad (Oct 6, 2014)
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