h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Most large organisations develop, over time, their own unique slang and subcultures. The Armed Forces and Police are prime examples of close knit comrades with shared experiences, fears and in some cases prejudices working in an often dangerous environment, evolving a language that outsiders simply cannot comprehend. It is obviously against the Law to allow such archaic and tribal behaviour to threaten the Glorious Peace.
A squat grey three storey building stands at the outskirts of a 1960s housing estate, just enough space left around the perimeter to mark it as an unwanted but necessary addition to a long-forgotten city planners dream. Cold grey rain pelts against the frosted and wired windows, a bleak outpost: just one small subdivision of one small constabulary somewhere in the Federation of England.
Its 1984, a dimly lit office with the legend 'Cons Writing Room' echoes to the clack- clack of an ageing typewriter and frequent curses as the ribbon runs out of ink or the carbon paper drawer is empty again. Officers squint through the haze of cigarette smoke and smell of cheap coffee and cheaper disinfectant.
Two officers are chatting over their respective cuppas.
" Got dizzed again last week, some rubber heel with a collar number like the population of China says a Jack’s gone bandit and bubbled me for staffing some oxygen thief. Wouldn't mind, thought he was a just a sim acting suss up in legoland, bails on us, bit of a scramble, even the Hobs responded and the buck gets chunkied. Turns out he's a mush trying to roll a cow and does one when he sees the panda..."
His colleague visibly shrinks, a grimace frozen on his features as the Auditor Programme recognises forbidden phrases, the main wall screen glows an eerie green, the colour of an infected wound, as AP clears her electronic throat and addresses the room.
“Officer 79003, you are in breach of Equality and Diversity Protocols 12, 14 and 57b. Your salary will be docked 45 Shillings for each breach; this fine has been filed with Professional Development and further violations will be reported for re-education at HQ. That is all.”
The wall screen dimmed. The officer muttered curses in his mind, curses against the AP that were just too dangerous to even whisper.

Great mash-up, there. What in the world made you think of that?

was actually considering an entry about corporate speak, slang and the dreaded Diversity and Equality enforcement in the late eighties, then read the Post and hey presto!

Great.

If your slang is arcane enough, could you be rude without offending the Auditor Programme?

unfortunately MVP the AP is equipped with every known derogatory remark ever invented, mind you the police being the police will probably come up with some pearlers!

Probably everyone is aware that the British 'bobby' was coined after Robert Peel, and 'cop' comes from Constable on Patrol..

The dialogue written above may be explained as: ( and please note, these are definitions obtained from people who lived in this world at the time of Big Brother, however they may be just 'swinging the lamp' from the time police officers carried a gas lamp on patrol = telling dubious stories from the far past that may be taken with a large pot of salt!)

Dizzed - the Police complaints and discipline department used to serve notice of formalcomplaint on a form called a 'Dis9'.

A Jack was a slang term for a Detective in the CID, thought to originate from the shortened truncheon they carried, modelled on the navy blackjack club.

Collar numbers were worn by Officers and used to be issued numerically, so new recruits were often described as having a number like the population of china.

Rubber heel was a term used for anyone representing the complaints dept ( similar to IA in America) they wore (allegedly) rubber heels so you couldnt hear them coming up behind you to stab you in the back, very cruel I know!

'Bubbled' any act were someone was sold out to the authorities...to tell tales.

'Gone bandit' to go against the established code and I suppose the modern term would be whistleblowing ( think Serpico).

sim or simmo, from Strange In Manner, any person displaying unusual behaviour.

acting sus, from the old sus laws in England,police could arrest a suspected person loitering, wthout any 'probable cause'.

legoland,any estate modelled in that hideous concrete block-built style popular in the 60s and 70s.

staffed, meaning to beat a suspect with a truncheon. prior to side handled batons, asps and extendable weapons, the police apparently called the standard wooden truncheon a 'staff'.

oxygen thief, derogatory remark for a criminal.

musher or mush, a colloquial term for a kerbcrawler.(curbcrawler)

to roll, a street robbery, often involving a knife.

cow, derogatory term for a 'common prostitute' or streetwalker.

bailed,ran away from police, usually from a stolen car, but also used to describe fleeing from the scene of a crime.

hobs and scrambled have apparently something to do with traffic officers chasing a suspect ( can't be accurate sorry)

buck, from the Irish term bucko, a bad lad or chancer.

chunkied,something describing a violent prisoner being restrained without handcuffs ( again cant be too sure on that one)

panda, apparently police vehicles used to be black and white, hence panda cars ( have a look at Z Cars tv show)

I'm sure that these terms differ wildly around the country and indeen the world!