h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Buckingham And Charles At The Court Of France - A87794437
Author: bobstafford - U3151547

Please comment

This has the bones of a good entry, but is not quite there yet. I think you could perhaps add a little introduction for the benefit of those who have come straight into this entry without having read the others? Maybe combine and move the sentences 'Charles and the Duke of Buckingham arrived in France early in 1624 to negotiate the marriage of Charles and Princess Henrietta Maria, sister of King Louis XIII.' That way we know exactly what Charles and Buckingham were doing in France from the start.

I think I would lean towards calling him 'Henri IV' rather than Henry IV – he is often known as Henry IV in English, true, but he was French and called himself 'Henri IV', so I try to use the spelling of the name that they would have used (even if it involves annoying accents). It also helps prevent people from getting confused with England's King Henry IV.

You have two very similar sentences either side of the 'Louis and Anne of France' header which could potentially be combined – 'The ruler of France was the Catholic king Louis XIII, who came to the throne at the age of nine when his father, the Protestant Henry IV was assassinated in Paris on 14th May 1610.'

was so terrified and was carried – I think should be 'was so terrified that he needed to be carried'

I'd also rewrite the section: 'The couples first night was a farce, the traditional inspection of the sheets from the marriage bed. The resulting stains on sheets normally regarded as proof of consummation were displayed to the court by Marie. No one in the court however regarded these as genuine proof.' – I know what you mean, but the first sentence especially could be tightened up.

'The Duchesse de Chevreuse was wise and artful in both the ways of the court and the bedroom was to prove a great asset to Anne.' – Another sentence where I know what you mean, but it could be read that the court had two ways that Duchesse de Chevreuse was wise and artful in, and also Anne had a really useful bedroom. I think I'd split it into two sentences – maybe '..artful in both the ways of the court and the bedroom. She was to prove a great asset to Anne.'
That said, I don't know if 'asset' was the right word, and whether 'ally' would be better?
The next time you mention her you mention her name, Marie, which I think I'd mention the first time that she appears in the article.

The couple’s second child Philippe I, Duke of Orléans 21st September 1640 – 8th Jun 1701. – perhaps have 'The couple’s second child was Philippe I, Duke of Orléans, who lived 21 September, 1640 – 8 June, 1701 or have the dates in brackets.
It also seems odd that you have some dates included for some people but not for others, such as Louis XIV.

Elizabeth Stuart 28th December 1635 - 8th September 1650 in a Parliamentary prison at Carisbrooke Castle, Isle of Wight. – 'I'd add 'She died tragically young in a Parliamentary prison...' and add a link to A311112

In the Postscript section - I'm not sure that anyone unfamiliar with Dumas would be able to follow the Diamond Studs reference. Perhaps introduce it by saying that the most famous novel set in this period is Dumas' The Three Musketeers, and there is evidence to suggest that this novel might not be entirely the work of fiction?

The other thing I would mention is that for an article entitled ' Buckingham And Charles At The Court Of France', there isn't a lot of Charles in it, which might go against what some readers would expect from the title.

This has the basis of a good entry, one with obvious potential, but at the moment I think it needs a bit of a polish.

Sorry - I didn't mean to write quite so much!

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Thats just the advice I needed

Having problems getting first point sorted looks s@@@ any ideas.

The rest is taken care of

Okay – I'm off now so have rushed this a little bit, and I'm trying to use your own words as much as possible, but here's a suggestion:

'In early 1624, Prince Charles, accompanied by George Villiers, 1st Duke of Buckingham and other members of his party, travelled through France while returning to England from Spain. Although protocol dictated that Charles called on King Louis XIII's court, he had an ulterior motive. Following the disaster of his plan to marry the Spanish Infanta, Charles planned to negotiate the terms for a marriage to Princess Henrietta Maria, Louis XIII's sister.

It was in France, and with King Louis' wife Anne, that Buckingham made a lasting mark on history.'

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Thanks that helps amended and added

Any more ideas and advice

Advice? Bung it in Peer Review!

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Bunged Thanks BB