Waiting at an airport, for your flight, can be very boring. The traveler is bound by an "umbilical" cord to their flight number. Firstly, you must wait for the digital acknowledgement that it has been assigned a  gate number. Secondly, the digital start gun is sounded with the message that this gate is now "open". Your countdown starts from this moment. The first physical obstacle, provided you have done your seat allocation via the internet, is getting through gate security. There is customs to pass but, for outgoing travelers, this is less of an obstacle and more like a check out at a supermarket.     

A traveler is treated like a commodity by the airport management.  Moving people from point A to point B (or point Z in another terminal) is a continuous activity. But such movement must be efficient and unrelenting. Personal comfort rarely is considered. If a traveler has to run to their gate, then so be it and maybe they will do better next time. At the security station, discomfort becomes an art form. The traveler is asked to empty their pockets of everything metallic. They must all remove their coats and place their laptop/mobile phone/iPod in a basket. Those with metal on their shoes, must remove said shoes and walk around in their socks. Only then are they allowed to move forward. Then they must reload their pockets and grab their laptop/mobile phone/iPod. Some have to hop around putting their shoes back on their feet. And woe betide those who have left a nail set/pen knife/ religious cross/pair of scissors/bottle of water/keys/any other terrorist device in their carry on luggage. The body search officer is waiting to punish any such criminal act with rigor. Arriving at the Gate lounge, the traveler now must wait for the plane to actually arrive and disembark its current load of commodities (sorry travelers). Once the plane is ready, the traveler has to wait their turn. Women with prams, elderly persons and the first class passengers get on first. Then travelers with seat in the front half of the plane, are allowed to board. Finally all other travelers are allowed on the boarding ramp. There will always be a late traveler who has to be summoned from some shopping/drinking binge. Such latecomers always enter the packed plane as if it is not their fault everyone had been kept waiting.

Now the doors are locked and the captive audience gets yet another safety demonstration from bored flight attendants. The intelligent traveler would have quickly inspected their seat and found the seat belt to be a poor safety device. The idea that such a piece of material could save them, if the plane crashes would either, amuse, or, frighten them. Luckily there is also a life vest and a whistle. And there is always the safety card for quick reference, to see what is to be done as the plane nosedives towards solid ground. If the plane is lucky enough to crash into the sea, then the whistle and life jacket come into play. The life jacket will keep the traveler alive long enough to die from hypothermia as they blow on their whistle for the last time.

  As the plane taxis for takeoff, the traveler begins to get excited. Fresher travelers (or virgin airs) are excited to be going so fast and leaping into thin air without a care in the world. Experienced travelers (or passe airs) are scared stiff by the fact that takeoff is one of the most dangerous periods of air travel. The thought of tonnes of metal thundering down a runway and hurling itself into nothingness, has everything to do with their reasonable fears. Whatever the source, this excitement is almost palpable at the moment the plane lifts and climbs into the air. A sign of joy/relief can be heard from most passengers. This is quickly drowned out by the sound of people turning their i Pad/blackberry/tablet back on and the keying of yet more social network trivia ..."Just took off and on my way"...""Didn't crash this time, the joy."" "Tell Mom I left the heater on in my room." ...."Stop the plane I want to get off now."

As the seat belt light goes out, the minefield of social conversation appears before the traveler. A quick assessment of neighbors must be made before lines of communication are opened. Is the fellow traveler a social bore/compulsive talker/insane? Three negatives are needed before the traveler even smiles. Once a conversation is allowed, there is no going back to blissful solitude. Those in window seats have little choice in the matter. They are going to need to talk to get to the toilet. So most conversations start because one of the neighbors has little or no choice, but to permit communication channels to be opened.

Of course, the airline crew may initiate conversation by bringing around the bag of peanuts they think will ward off starvation. The clear absurdity of the offering, is usually enough to break the ice between neighboring travelers. The airline crew are just preparing passengers for the bigger disappointment of the upcoming (on long haul flights at least) meal. Some travelers may even get nostalgic for the, now eaten, peanuts. Meals on airline, at least in the cattle class section, are survival food only.

If someone could convince people to eat this food all the time, there would be no obesity in the world. And the tea/coffee that follows would keep everyone regular.

Travelers that have done it all before, know that any break (in the boredom of a long flight) must be milked for all its novelty value. Once the lights go down, and the crew retire for the sleep session, all activity grinds to a halt. Travelers are reminded of their days in kindergarten, when the afternoon sleep was mandatory. Only a brave few take advantage of the overhead light. much to the chagrin of neighboring travelers. 

Once the lights come back on, the traveler must adjust to a new pace. The crew are keen to get the last food break over and then close up for landing. The food is rushed down the aisle and tables have to be lowered quickly to receive the trays. Just as fast is the collection of said trays. Before the traveler can think of going to the toilet, the fasten  your seat belt light goes on and its seat in the upright position and tables up. Quickly the plane crew collect the free headphones. And the traveler hears the voice of the pilot.

A sense at anticipation grips the travelers, but they must concentrate on filling out the customs form. Mistakes on this form can seriously delay their movement through the customs check procedure. Of most concern is the "anything to declare" part of the form. Fresher travelers end up declaring everything in their bag. Seasoned travelers opt for the nothing to declare box. Smugglers just try to make their form look boring and normal.


 

Finally the plane begins its descent. Now the inexperienced traveler think its okay to relax. After all they are now a lot closer to the ground. Surely nothing could go wrong at this late stage. But the experienced travelers are not deceived by the closeness of the runway. They know the statistics about plane accidents. And it is the landing stage, that is one of the danger times. They brace themselves for a possible rough landing. As they listen for the tell tale sound of rubber on tarmac, the experienced travelers say a little prayer. Only when all wheels are safely down, do they relax.
Now it is the start of the race to be first out of the cabin area. There is a mad dash to reclaim the overhead locker luggage. Usually this is done before the "unfasten your seat belts" indication. With only one door open and as many as sixty-three rows of passengers, the exit procedure can take some time. Morbid passengers think that if it is this slow without the panic, how bad would it be in a disaster situation. They begin to pick out the ones who would not make it to safety. The timid, the small children and the elderly would have little chance. As all the passengers exit the plane, they are thanked for flying on that airline.
Out in the terminal a mini marathon begins. First its up the ramp, then its past the passport check, baggage is then claimed and the final customs check is made. Some breeze through and others find it a bit traumatic. Transit passengers find themselves separated from the mob, a bit like sheep being readied for shipment to market. The terminating passengers find themselves in a customs queue hoping they will not be searched. Even the most innocent traveler fears having to open their bags in public. Quickly they try to remember if there is anything embarrassing, in all their luggage, that may cause blushes. And everyone in the queue looks with envy on the easy passage given to plane crew members. Only when the customs officer gives the all clear, can the travelers breath easy. A short walk now will see them over the finish line. Nothing more to do now than be mobbed by family members, secure a taxi and face an unending number of questions all on the theme of "Did you have a good time?" This question, in particular, will be repeated by everyone of their friends over the next week. But the traveler will not care, because now they can relax and become a resident. This gives them the right to look with pity on those foreigners they met who are clearly inconvenient travelers, asking for directions and pleading for assistance. Human memory is short, the resident forgets that once they were in this exact same position.