Triple valentines
Created | Updated Feb 8, 2012
A man has a romantic problem. Thanks to the bloody yanks, the most expensive day for males is coming up. Yes, bloody hell, its Valentines Day again. I reckon if most men could find this Valentine bloke they would beat the living daylights out of him. Imagine giving that much power to females. I bet they don't have Valentines Day in Greece. Yeah I know they don't have a lot of things in Greece at the moment but imagine if Greece did have Valentines day. All those English tourists would have their "significant others" (now I really do want to have a quiet word with the guy who came up with that bit of bollocks) demanding the whole expensive dinner with flowers and don't forget the chocolates. Goodbye paying off the mortgage any time soon. And you would have to pay in Euros. And the bloody Germans would one up by buying their dates a boostenhaultle (very tasty). A French lady said to me once that you can get any women in the sack by following the triple rule. It goes like this: give her flowers; give her chocolates; and give her a seafood meal. Personally I think that's crap. If they want it you can do it for one flower stolen from some park; half a chocolate bar; and fish and chips at the takeaway.
Anyway none of this was helping our man with his romances. That was his real problem! Since Christmas he had been running three romances at the same time. The waitress, with the love of dancing, was his Friday night romance. The girl next door with the French style hair cut and big boobs was his Sunday special. And the accountant who drove her own Porsche was his Saturday Night live sex vixen. But you see his problem. On Valentines Day, of all days, men have to be exclusive.
But then the man realizes that it is not written down that exclusivity is a fixture of Valentines Day. So he gambles big to keep his three lovers. Flowers first thing to all three is the easiest bit. But he is careful to go to three different flower shops to minimize risk of nondelivery. Chocolates are tricky but he gets around this by sending them to their workplace with a real gooey over sized card, personal messages for each one. This man is a considerate lover (but exhausted by Monday morning).
The killer problem was the dinners. Then he, in desperation, began to reflect on their dinning habits. The girl next door had to get to work early every day so she went to bed early. Valentines Day was on before and after a work day. Sorted! He would get the local Roman style restaurant to book them in for 6pm. The waitress finishes work at 6pm and usually wants to eat at 7.30pm. So he would book another restaurant close at hand for that hottie. It would be a simple matter to use the old mobile phone self call trick to simulate an urgent demand to return to work. All he had to do was pop the hottie in a taxi and promise a visit in the wee small hours. Everyone can do with an aperitif! Now to work the switch on the waitress. She hated poor service and so the man deliberately picked the worst restaurant for service. He will tell her that it was all that was available at 7.30pm. She will get angry with the waiters and storm off. He would be the one embarrassed by her antics and that would give him make up power on their next date.
Now the accountant worked until 8pm every night. He will tell her that he is prepared to make the big sacrifice and book dinner for 9pm. The only remaining problem is that this women only went to expensive and popular restaurants. These would not be close to restaurant number two. The solution came as he was walking home. A stretch limo drove past his intersection. The idea came of using a limo service to get him to the flashy restaurant. Now he was home free. They could eat to midnight. She has to work and so it would be a quick finish and home to the now steaming french pie.
Sorted three times over!
Anyway none of this was helping our man with his romances. That was his real problem! Since Christmas he had been running three romances at the same time. The waitress, with the love of dancing, was his Friday night romance. The girl next door with the French style hair cut and big boobs was his Sunday special. And the accountant who drove her own Porsche was his Saturday Night live sex vixen. But you see his problem. On Valentines Day, of all days, men have to be exclusive.
But then the man realizes that it is not written down that exclusivity is a fixture of Valentines Day. So he gambles big to keep his three lovers. Flowers first thing to all three is the easiest bit. But he is careful to go to three different flower shops to minimize risk of nondelivery. Chocolates are tricky but he gets around this by sending them to their workplace with a real gooey over sized card, personal messages for each one. This man is a considerate lover (but exhausted by Monday morning).
The killer problem was the dinners. Then he, in desperation, began to reflect on their dinning habits. The girl next door had to get to work early every day so she went to bed early. Valentines Day was on before and after a work day. Sorted! He would get the local Roman style restaurant to book them in for 6pm. The waitress finishes work at 6pm and usually wants to eat at 7.30pm. So he would book another restaurant close at hand for that hottie. It would be a simple matter to use the old mobile phone self call trick to simulate an urgent demand to return to work. All he had to do was pop the hottie in a taxi and promise a visit in the wee small hours. Everyone can do with an aperitif! Now to work the switch on the waitress. She hated poor service and so the man deliberately picked the worst restaurant for service. He will tell her that it was all that was available at 7.30pm. She will get angry with the waiters and storm off. He would be the one embarrassed by her antics and that would give him make up power on their next date.
Now the accountant worked until 8pm every night. He will tell her that he is prepared to make the big sacrifice and book dinner for 9pm. The only remaining problem is that this women only went to expensive and popular restaurants. These would not be close to restaurant number two. The solution came as he was walking home. A stretch limo drove past his intersection. The idea came of using a limo service to get him to the flashy restaurant. Now he was home free. They could eat to midnight. She has to work and so it would be a quick finish and home to the now steaming french pie.
Sorted three times over!
