h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Cows are not to be trusted. Just why are they so keen to observe our every move when we pass? They are Stasi through and through.

And House - he has so much free time because he's a doctor in the US. There aren't the requisite number of patients with enough greenbacks to keep him busy *all* the time.

And Jean-Luc Picard - I'm not making this up - they actually explained away his accent with the fantastic rationalisation that he learned his English by listening to recordings of "the great 20th Century Shakespearean actor, Patrick Stewart".

I didn't know that about Jean-Luc Picard. So that's where he got the bad acting?

Or about the cows, come to think of it. They seem so innocent, and placid...

You're spot-on about the doctors.

I maintain the prize for the worst dialogue goes to the old Dr Who series, where the monsters - even where they were lumps of slime - spoke perfect English.

Now, mind you, I really enjoyed the old 'Doctor Who'...

There's a book called the 'Nitpicker's Guide to Dr Who', which points out every episode in which someone says, 'We must act. Quickly.'

Well, what else do you say when you're confronted with daleks, or cybermen, or lumps of slime?

Do you remember the weird 'monster' that was obviously a couple of BBC prop men inside a sort of amorphous costume with dodgy protuberances? Kept following Tom Baker around? I don't remember what it was called, but it was cute.