h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Dvorak's Czech Suite - Nationalism in the Romantic idiom - A871175
Author: Cyril Neume - U208751

A critical review of the elements of nationalistic writing in Antonin Dvorak's Czech Suite.

Hi, Cyril!

I see that this is your first entry into Peer Review, so welcome! One thing I would say, overall, about this entry, is that it has a rather heavyweight, academic approach, which is likely to put off more casual readers. Since most of our readers here in h2g2 are casual, I think that would be a pity.

Would you consider trying to lighten the tone of the entry a bit? For example, you could drop *all* the references: if you say that tuneful melodies are a hallmark of Romantic music, most readers will accept that without you having to give a reference. If the reader doesn't accept this, and tries to argue with you in a posting, *then* it is worth bringing up the big gun references to prove your point, but in the entry itself you don't need to.

Your language can be a little dry and academic-sounding. Most of the pieces in the Guide are aimed at a lay reader, and I think for that kind of audience you would make your point more clearly with slightly simpler language and syntax.

For example, your opening sentence:
'Integral to the image of Antonin Dvorak in the populist philosophies of music history is the intense and fervent desire to create music influenced by Slavonic ethnicity.'

could be rephrased to make a more direct impact, for example as
'Antonin Dvorak had an intense and fervent desire to create music influenced by Slavonic ethnicity'

or something simpler again!

The point you are making is an interesting one, but I think it could be expressed in a more approachable way.


Azara

Hi, Azara:

I would tend to agree with your comments, and certainly you've got a very valid point! I do tend to ramble unnecessarily and I've got that heavy academic edge to my writing style...

The first thing I'll do is remove the references, I suppose they're unnecessary as you have remarked. When I have some time, I will revise the document further to take off the priggish edge..

Thanks a lot for your constructive comments!
-Cyril

I'm glad you took the comments so kindly!

I was speaking partly from experience - I have tried to make my own writing style a bit simpler when it comes to Peer Review entries.



Azara