Ian: No, see, I can't do the interview unless you are standing 'in the street'...


Man: No, no, see, no, I don't wanna do...look, here comes...a truck...


Ian: C'mon, man, show some guts! Not just anybody gets to talk on national radio! C'mon, just step away from the kerb...that's it...




Narr: Uh, Ian? Ian? IAN!


Ian: Excuse me. Yeah! What? There's a light! He can stand in the street now for at least forty seconds....


Man: Y'y'yeah, I suppose...


Narr: Ian, he doesn't have to.


Ian: Sure he does. It's a 'man-in-the-street' interview, in'it?


Man: Ahh...ahh... the lights changing....


Narr: Iaaaann! Get him out of the street!


Ian: Nah. What do you think I am?


Narr: Unemployed! Get him to safety!


Ian: Ooohh, all right. Here, you can get up here on the bobby box with me. Happy now?


Man: Ahh...Ahhh...Ohhh, yes.


Ian: Watch it with the heavy breathing, there, mate. Now, as I was saying...OK, now, Narr?


Narr: Sure.


Ian: Okay, all right, then, let's get to it. Are you ready?


Man: Ahh, oh... For what?


Ian: The 'interview', silly.


Man: Ahh, uh, I've got to go to work, now.





Ian: It'll just take a minute.


Man: That's what you said before you tried to kill me.


Ian: I could always push you off here...


Man: Ahh... Okay.


Ian: Let me get to the right page on this clipboard...damn wind...ah, here it is. Have you ever had any really bad dreams?


Man: What? Outside of the one's I will have about the possibility of ever meeting you again?

Sound Effects: Shove! Whump! Screech! Running feet




Ian: Hey, don't you dare run over me, chump! I've got your plate number! And you! Don't you dare darken my microphone again! You coward!


Narr: Ian! Ian! What has happened? Ian? Are you quite all right?



Ian: (muttering) And to think I turned down doing traffic reports from an Ultralight... Ah, yes, I'm quite all right. I've picked myself up and I'm scurrying across the zebra crossing, holding traffic at bay with various rude hand signs of my own manufacture...



Narr: Glad to hear it. Now, now, that you have lost your interview subject, we shall have to cut away to...


Ian: Oh, no, you don't, you mindless patsey of the management... I can always...

Sound Effects: Crackle of static, clunk of big switch being thrown. Music in background of following. John Cage's "Ode to a Barrel organ underwater during the spring thaw being played by a graduate student in Ornithological Waxworks"



Narr: This concludes the broadcast in this time slot. Tune in tomorrow when we will fill this slot with something more substantial.
Good afternoon, from Irritating Public Radio, Your Fronds in the Eire...er, no, that's not it... not at all!


Sound Effects: Music up to cover fumblings. 32 sec. more, then out