h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Star Wars - A847668
Author: Oberon2001 - U204088

After literally minutes of hard work, i'm submitting this to PR. What do you all think?

After having watched this blossom in WW, I should perhaps add that the existing Edited Entry on Star Wars A142228 is well overdue for an update, hence my encouraging Oberon to get this into a PR-fit state.

B

This is a good start, but it is not ready to be picked yet. It needs a lot of tidying up:

You don't mention the fact that the original Stars Wars film was enormously successful, that Lucas had everything riding on it, that Alec Guinness made millions by getting a percentage of the take, and all sorts of other stuff. You need all this sort of information at the start.

Don't mention DNA. h2g2 is not intended to be a DNA fanclub. Readers might not understand the reference.

The first section is downright confusing about whether there are 6 or 9. Just present the facts. Initially Lucas said there would be 9 parts, that the first 6 would be as they eventually turned out to be and that he didn't know what the last three would be about. Recently (2001?) he admitted that there would never be parts 7 to 9.

The section about the score and about the number 1138 are too short to warrant separate sections at this point. Put them into a miscellaneous section at the end.

Run the whole thing through a spelling checker. It is full of spelling mistakes.

Remove references to yourself from the entry.

Ok, i think I've made all the changes you asked for . I could only find one reference to myself though, right at the end (I admit there could be more, I just can't see them). I think I've cleaned up the bit about the 6/9 part trilogy, however it is quite confusing to me so tell me if it makes sense now.
Oberon2001 (sore fingers from typing too much and square-eyes)

I like it. It's laid back and rambling as if George Lucas was doing the talking. Tho' I thing Gnomon has pressed you into a rash entry as far as Sir Alec Guinness and 'his millions' are concerned. Lucas wasn't an unknown film maker, American Graffitti was a financial and critical success, but his budget wasn't infinite. The decision to film in England was based on cost. Incidentally, the behaviour of the British technicians was a major reason for Lucas giving up directing for many years. However, in order to reduce costs many actors took deferred payments, the most lucrative deal of all being struck by Harrison Ford who now takes a percentage from nearly every film he appears in. I think you should state that due to financial limitations some actors took a persentage instead of a flat fee and the film's success gave them an unforeseen large bonus.

It's looking better now. Some more:

It needs a section explaining how the first film was originally issued as "Star Wars" but later was recast as "Star Wars Episode 4 A New Hope", and how the subsequent numbering of the films has confused millions.

Lightening should be lightning.

Your header "Frankly Weird" would make more sense if the reader knew that the voice of Yoda was provided by Frank Oz, also famous for the Muppets and Fozzie Bear. But you don't mention it, for some reason.

I have made all the changes suggested by Gnoman and some of the changes suggested by the third man. As such, I have credited you both as researchers. I've also pulled information on the budget grosses of Episodes 'IV' & 'I' for comparison in the misc section from imdb.
Oberon2001

I'll step back and let other people make suggestions now. Thanks for crediting me, but I think you should get the credit - you're doing all the work. If you put my name on it, I'll probably appear as the main author, which is not fair to you. So I'll be happy if you remove my name from the credits again.

I agree, you're flying (Han) Solo on this one Obes.

Of course, if you want someone else to take the BLAME, I'll be more than willing to oblige.

Sure. Cheers for the help anyway. I've removed your researcher numbers from the researcher list, though if either of you want to make more suggestions, feel free. Also, if you want your numbers put back on, just say.
Oberon2001

Hi Obe. I've just seen your website. I hope you realize Consignia bites the dust on 4/11 and reverts to Royal Mail.Also the Post Office is very protective of its copywrite e.g. we own Postman Pat.

lol. The whole website is pretty much satirical (sorry about spelling, i'm tired) and I couldn't figure out a good name for it. Consignia Times just came to be to add a bit more 'bite' to the whole website and make people realise that this is intended as satire/humour (ie, the headlines and stories).
As for the use of the word Consignia, I haven't been contacted yet! *crosses fingers and hopes there is no lawsuit pending*
Oberon2001

Saw the title in Peer Review and approached with caution, expecting the usual newbie's two paragraphs of "star wars is a brilliant film and i luv it you should watch its grate". Instead I find this well written, well structured, humourous and pretty exhaustive entry, which goes into detail without getting ridiculous. So all in all, well done!

I can only find one inaccuracy worth mentioning. Of the Jedi mind trick:

"This power doesn't work on other Jedis, Siths or people who are strong-minded."

It doesn't work on Toydarians either - as Watto irritably points out in "The Phantom Menace".

But other than that, I think this is ready.

H.

Thanks Hoovooloo!
I've added the bit about Toydarians.
Thanks for the info.
Oberon2001.

Therer's an entry on THX 1138 currently in Peer Review which would be great to link to if both of these entries are recommended. I'm sure this one will be, and the only barrier to the other one is a problem with copyright.

Nice entry and a worthwhile cause, a couple of nitpicks though. The six-nine episodes controversy needs further research. About.com has quotes Lucas as saying he originally planned 6 cinematic episodes, then expanded this to 9 after the success of Star Wars, and cut it back to 6 again later. http://scifi.about.com/library/starwars/bl-sixornine.htm
I don't know if that article contains the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but it's well written and appears to be factual.

"to a new galaxy far, far away" but also 'a long time ago'

Personally I think you should write the synopsis in present tense. This is what most people are used to from movie reviews and such, and in some ways it makes more sense. The movies might be old, but Episode VI will still "_tell_ the true story of the Skywalker family"
Also you switch to present tense in "The emperor is also in this film, although now he is just a Senator in the Galactic Senate, that later becomes Supreme Chancellor."

It might be worth mentioning that it's the same actor portraying Emperor in the first trilogy and the second. It might also be worth mentioning that the first trilogy was re-released before Episode one with digital enhancements, for instance fixing the seethrough cockpits of Episode V.

I can't believe you haven't found Amidala worth a mention. Anakin's forbidden love interest, mother of Luke and Leia, and one of the people we just _know_ will be killed in Episode III along with all the Jedis.

"The Sith also have a separate set of powers that they harness through the Dark Side. These are -" This sentence made me think you'd mention powers that the sith have and the Jedi don't, so I got a bit confused. Also I can't remember a Jedi ever useing the 'strangling' power, am I just misremembering? It seems such a Sithly power.

"I can't remember a Jedi ever useing the 'strangling' power"

Luke used it on a couple of Gamorreans as he entered Jabba's palace.

H.
Geek.

The whold 6/9 thing is confusing to me, so i'll just include the link NAITA gave me.
I've added a little bit about the Emperor actor (although in an earlier draft of this entry it was there, so i don't know what happened to it) and about Amidala.
I do have a section in the entry about the special edition and it does mention the cockpits... honest!
Oberon2001

I found the bit on the special editions now, in a footnote. I think it properly belongs up in the entry.