FRAGMENTED (part I): A thanks for Discworld
Created | Updated Dec 19, 2002
Episode 1: Apocalypse Now
It was dead. Apocalypse had watched, with his four sons (Death, War, Famine and Pestilence), as the last body had dropped to the ground, bringing the world to an end.
'Well,' he said. 'That's it. I had been expecting the more traditional "boom" kind of end, but there you go.' And so Apocalypse, plus four more, disappeared.
There had been others watching. And they were not happy.
In fact, they were the original 'They' and the official 'Others', who had earned Their capitals.
They were the Creators, and They had just seen Their Creation succumb to an untimely finish.
Sure, They were omnipotent; omnipresent; omniscient. Even omnicompetent. But this was an event that even They were not able to change because They had made it so.
One of the Creators made a book appear. A particularly thick book, as it contained the complete History with an infinite number of pages and with an infinity's worth of chapters. The rest of the Others looked on. They weren't even going to ask why an all-knowing deity would need a reference book.
*I can't believe we had to wait this long to sort out this... this chaos* said one. Or at least seemed to as It didn't have a mouth to speak of.
*How long has it been?* asked another.
*Infinity.* spoke a third deity. *It's always infinity.*
*Ah.* This time it was the holder of the History. *It fragmented here, here, here... here. And here.* It was pointing toward various pages.
*So who are we going to use?* asked Deity One.
*I've been thinking.* This was Deity Two. *And I think it should be--*
*Him?!* Interupted Deity Three. *We can't use him, he's--*
*Don't do that.* said Two.
*What?*
*Don't read my mind.*
*I can't help it,* muttered Three. *I'm all-knowing.*
*Yes, but You're also all-powerful so stop it!*
*But--*
*No!*
*Well I all-know that you two are both all-irritating!* said One.
*Ooh! All-sarcasm!* sneered the other two.
*Quiet!* snapped the Holder. *You were saying Number Two?*
*But We can't use him, Two!* exclaimed Three. *He's not even a hero! He only looks out for himself!*
*Exactly!* grinned Two, metaphorically folding Its arms.
The Others looked puzzled.
Realisation hit One. *Oh. HIM.*
*AH.* said Holder.
*Listen.* said Two. *He only looks out for himself. Right?*
Unified nod.
*Then he won't want to die. Right?*
Nod.
*Then he will get the job done because he'll ignore the obsticles in his way in an attempt to save his own pitiful life thus saving the world!*
The Others were open-mouthed at this logic. But it worked.
Cue Two's all-smugness.
Great. We're leaving the possible future of the world in the hands of man where a book has more spine, thought One.
Holder was now rapidly flicking through the History's pages... *WHEN, though?* It asked.
*There!* Two pointed down. *Then's perfect!*
Holder followed Two's indication.
A smile appeared, and then It slammed the book shut.
*Indeed!*
<TICK>
It was dead. Apocalypse had watched, with his four sons (Death, War, Famine and Pestilence), as the last body had dropped to the ground, bringing the world to an end.
'Well,' he said. 'That's it. I had been expecting the more traditional "boom" kind of end, but there you go.' And so Apocalypse, plus four more, disappeared.
There had been others watching. And they were not happy.
In fact, they were the original 'They' and the official 'Others', who had earned Their capitals.
They were the Creators, and They had just seen Their Creation succumb to an untimely finish.
Sure, They were omnipotent; omnipresent; omniscient. Even omnicompetent. But this was an event that even They were not able to change because They had made it so.
One of the Creators made a book appear. A particularly thick book, as it contained the complete History with an infinite number of pages and with an infinity's worth of chapters. The rest of the Others looked on. They weren't even going to ask why an all-knowing deity would need a reference book.
*I can't believe we had to wait this long to sort out this... this chaos* said one. Or at least seemed to as It didn't have a mouth to speak of.
*How long has it been?* asked another.
*Infinity.* spoke a third deity. *It's always infinity.*
*Ah.* This time it was the holder of the History. *It fragmented here, here, here... here. And here.* It was pointing toward various pages.
*So who are we going to use?* asked Deity One.
*I've been thinking.* This was Deity Two. *And I think it should be--*
*Him?!* Interupted Deity Three. *We can't use him, he's--*
*Don't do that.* said Two.
*What?*
*Don't read my mind.*
*I can't help it,* muttered Three. *I'm all-knowing.*
*Yes, but You're also all-powerful so stop it!*
*But--*
*No!*
*Well I all-know that you two are both all-irritating!* said One.
*Ooh! All-sarcasm!* sneered the other two.
*Quiet!* snapped the Holder. *You were saying Number Two?*
*But We can't use him, Two!* exclaimed Three. *He's not even a hero! He only looks out for himself!*
*Exactly!* grinned Two, metaphorically folding Its arms.
The Others looked puzzled.
Realisation hit One. *Oh. HIM.*
*AH.* said Holder.
*Listen.* said Two. *He only looks out for himself. Right?*
Unified nod.
*Then he won't want to die. Right?*
Nod.
*Then he will get the job done because he'll ignore the obsticles in his way in an attempt to save his own pitiful life thus saving the world!*
The Others were open-mouthed at this logic. But it worked.
Cue Two's all-smugness.
Great. We're leaving the possible future of the world in the hands of man where a book has more spine, thought One.
Holder was now rapidly flicking through the History's pages... *WHEN, though?* It asked.
*There!* Two pointed down. *Then's perfect!*
Holder followed Two's indication.
A smile appeared, and then It slammed the book shut.
*Indeed!*
<TICK>
