JANUARY

Dai likes to come first so he's perfect to start the ball rolling as this year's Mr JANUARY as Robert Palmer. Even though Aye Bee objected to his choice of clothing for the skimpy backing singers in their red lippy, complaining "I'm not wearing this .. everyone can see my tattoo! You know, the Made in Ireland one at the top of my inner thigh!"

But everyone's already seen that, so it's no big deal. We did call in a few backing singers off the Drool thread to pose with the man himself (wearing just the tie...)and he was very naughty indeed, kept telling them that they'd dropped their lipstick.........

FEBRUARY

This year's Mr FEBRUARY is That Prat in the Hat, as Jon Bon Jovi. We got the wind machine up and running for this one, to provide the right sort of swept blond locks streaming out behind him, as he croons "It's My Life".

MARCH

In Springtime, I don't know about you, but my thoughts always turn to Nigel Kennedy, so who better to recreate him for us as Mr MARCH but Mazin' Mad Fiddler. Boy was he hard to shut up during shooting! Especially with that Ozzie¹ bloke.

"Hi, this is Nige 'ere. Gotta sorta like do a pose wiv me 'lectric violin fingy. Now, ya sorta take ya fingas rand da neck like so, and ya hold this stick fing in da uver mitt, and drag it ova da strings like so... @#*(*|^^%$^#|##$%£%|##^^#$$ and vat is da first four bars of da Four Seasons by me ol' mate Vivaldi.

Now I'll jus' get a new pair a' boots speshul made in Villa colours, innit, for dis Foto Fingy, 'n' I'm ready for ya. Roight, should I die me 'air ta match me Boots, or 'ave it Natchul or wot?



Can't decide.



Wotcha reckon?

Maybe die it da colour of me fiddle? Sure could use some 'elp on gettin' me digits in the right place. Not bin practicin' as offen as I should. 'ad uver fings on me mind.'n' there was me finkin' me ol' Mucka Ossy had bin in 'n' was feelin' peckish.

*squats in corner and practices vibrato*Wotcha Mate. 'Ow's it 'angin'? Ya should get a real instramen'... No Frets 'ere!!! Would that be Bacardi 'n' Coke? Godda lovely Bat device on the bottle.

Reminds me... must practice Die Fleidermaus spesh fer me ol' mate Ozzy...What? You invitin'that ol' mucka, Parkie. Ain't seen 'im since that Jam Bash with Mick, John and Eric back in the '80's. Groovy times man, groovy times...

Oy!! Respec' for de Villa Gear man!!!! Id'll take ages ta get that bat-juice off me boots.

*goes back to the corner to run through some arpeggios*Oooohhhh! Milla, yer makin' me Crotchets Quaver, and me Minims can hardly Semi-Breve....

APRIL

APRIL's Mr Romantic, Ged, has chosen Serephina's birthday to make his appearance as Marc Bolan. Awww! Doesn't it just warm the cockles of your heart. Or something. We had lots of fun arranging feather boas on chests for this one, didn't we, lovely assistants?². And an industrial sized tin of glittery eyeshadow was very liberally applied. We do love to Boogie, yes indeedy, on a Saturday night or any other night.

MAY

Orcus is a wonderful rock god, and in keeping with the modern avant garde thrust of this whole enterprise, has volunteered to be Justin Hawkins for us. Tight lycra bodysuit, lovingly ripped by my own fair hand (my lovely assistants had their hands full that day), fist punching in the air...and we didn't have any mention at all of how a one way ticket to hell and back is really technically a return ticket, did we?

JUNE

For JUNE, um....

JULY

JULY is available, and we have a request for hotter-than-July Lenny Kravitz. Any takers? Aye Bee reckons the bloke down her local chipper would do, so I'll pencil him in in case we're short of researchers.

AUGUST

AUGUST I fancy Jay Kay, still looking for a model

SEPTEMBER

We did have someone offering to do Elvis, but he seems to have...erm...Elvissed . Hmmmm. Has anyone seen Elvis? Does anyone else want to get into this tight black leather gear?

OCTOBER

For Hallowe'en and OCTOBER it has to be 2legs's marvellous Ozzy impression. And I would like to reassure readers of a sensitive nature that no actual bats were harmed during the shooting of this picture. Here he goes...

*strips off *gets a bat *stikes a pose* any good?

*Pouts at the camera

Brings some more bats as the previous ones flew off

ready? *strips off again *strikes the pose *takes the first bat and bites hits head off did that one come out alright?

*screams in a forced faulsetto * anyone got any coke?

*the 80's? maan, I cna't remember the 80's
*sniffs*
nor the 70's come to think of it.... totally wasted... yeh....

*Women? yeh... and some brandy and some charley *spits out another bat head*

*wanders back in with half empty bottle of brandy some charley and more bats *bites the head off another bat *takes some charley and drinks some brandy to get the taste of bat gone *falls over

*stands up
*falls over
*******, ****** the ******* *** **** ** ** ** **** ***** **** bats? wahts happened to all my ******* ***** *** ** writing its ******** *** ** ***** ***** *** ***** ***** ******** ******* ****** and ***** **** for ***** ****** sake, isn't ****** or ***** or something? where did my ******* ****** ***** ***** brandy go?

"Err, er, errrr, errr, SHARRUN!"

yeh, where the **** ***** ******* *** is my sharon? *takes a swig from the brandy bottle

*brings in a fresh box of bats and more brandy and coke



*snorts some charley, bites the head of another bat drinks another bottle of brandy waht the **** when **** *** my ************* photo?


*collapses in a heat of headless bats

*passes over some heaped up bats *gets up *drinks more brandy* *lights a fire

NOVEMBER

It my be raining outside, but in here we have SpaceCadet's Slash in NOVEMBER, named after the Guns n Roses song "November Rain".

DECEMBER

Mr D-ecember will of course belong to Mr D-readful in his James "Yeah" Hetfield guise. Obey your master, Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings...He's got on tied up boots, wristbands, and his guitar strung over his shoulder.