The Post Horror Scope
Created | Updated May 1, 2002
First, a big thank you, to all those that wished me well as the new Deputy Editor at the Post, you are very kind. I must admit, that this was something I had not foreseen in my own future, but my excuse is, that I seldom use my 'gifts' on myself. After all, if I did that, I would be a lottery/lotto squillionaire1, and bathe in doughnuts and the such.
I am quite willing to answer all questions and queries regarding this subject, and if wanted I can help with problems from researchers via e-mail. Due to time restrictions I cannot reply to each individual E-mail personally, but will give the answer to your problems on the Horror Scope page. Please send your letters and queries to me
Mystic
Greebs.
The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.
For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.
JANUARY
You will take an exam this week, the results of which will influence your future for the rest of your life, the final question will clinch if you will pass or not. I can reveal the question to you, What is the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything
Do you know the answer?
FEBRUARY
The Wobble in the Jelly Mould reveals that a long distance friendship is about to come to a sticky end. Though this will be sad for the moment, it will be for the best in the long run.
MARCH
The Whingy Board has a message for you from a foreign gentleman, that a friend of a family member
once met, on a slow boat to China.
'People are strange, when you're a stranger; faces look ugly, when you're alone!'
APRIL
Gazing into the Crystal Ball this week I noticed a strange phenomenon, but don’t worry, John
Travolta will not be making a sequel, at least, not in the foreseeable future.
MAY
The planets are still in alignment but the large, prominent feature that is Uranus eclipses them all. Try to tone down your personality a bit; you have become too exuberant for some. Not that you could ever fade into the background, Uranus would never let you do that!!!
JUNE
An invitation out for a meal at the weekend will be the beginning of a new friendship. A word of warning though, if you want to keep the friendship, please do not show off that match and flatulence
trick you are so proud of.
JULY
A large wet patch will be the cause of much embarrassment at the weekend; maybe in the future you should hang, 'Wet Paint', signs to stop unfortunate accidents.
AUGUST
Whilst thinking about your future I fell into a deep trance-like state, and it wasn't until I heard a
loud rumbling sound, that I came out of it with a start. What this has to do with up-coming events in your life, I cannot explain, except, possibly, they might be extremely boring.
SEPTEMBER
A hidden message will reveal a new purpose in your life2.
'Go into various environments, give repeated energetic ego boosting signs, and develop old/new
Users trust.'
OCTOBER
You are feeling that life is passing you by, and that you are in a permanent state of dullness at the moment. Don't fret; you can easily spice up your life by taking up a new hobby. Stamp collecting is good; train spotting whiles away the hours and earthworm collecting is not only fun, but is something you can discuss with your friends, to make their lives more interesting too.
NOVEMBER
The Dregs at the bottom of the Coffee Mug reveals that purple is a good colour for you this week. Try to incorporate it into your clothing, your packed lunch, and if you are feeling daring, your
hairstyle. The more you have with you, the luckier you will be, have I ever steered you wrong?
DECEMBER
When inspiration strikes don't wait around smelling the roses; take up its challenge and become what you least expected yourself to become. A fish in the ear is worth two in the hand, and we all
know what that means don't we!!!3
DISCLAIMER
As we all know fortune telling is not an exact science, so Greebo T. Cat, The Post and indeed h2g2 cannot be held responsible for anything printed in The Horror Scope that is not one hundred percent truthful. To be honest, I think you should all be jolly happy if one percent of the predictions come true.
This statement in no way refutes Ms Cat's mystical gifts. So there!!!
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Mystic Greebs
