h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I remember hearing about the family who raised their kids to speak Klingon on the news. Creepy! And it certainly didn't seem to be an urban myth. I'm curious as to how DHS managed to communicate with the kids after they took them away.

Great entry, by the way.

In the next US "Buffy" on Tuesday May 7th there's a scene where Willow and Tara are looking through a pile of magical texts they captured from the nerd gang...

Willow: "We've translated just about all of them..."
Tara: "Except this one. It's not like any ancient language I've ever seen."
Xander: "It's Klingon." (blushes) "Love poetry." (walks away slowly, still blushing)

Ah, so it's not an urban myth!

I couldn't find a web page about it anywhere, search engine just brought up millions of fan sites.

This entry has reminded me of an absolutely dreadful song with the chorus:

'There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow,
'There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow,Scotty.'.

Any ideas who recorded it?

The second line should end "There's Klingons on the starboard bow - scrape them off, Jim!"

I can't remember the band's name at the moment - I'll come back when I do.

The band was called "The Firm", and you can find the lyrics here:

http://quantumnow.com/trek/lyrics.html

Interestingly credited to "Lister/John O'Connor". Not John Whorfin or John Bigboote (it's BigbootAY), or John Smallberries, or...

H.

Thanks for that, Hoo. I've been singing bits of the blasted song on and off all day! Interesting that I could only remember the choruses, not the verses.

Glad to be of service...

H.

the firm also did a great song which begun with the words:

hold a chicken in the air
stick a deck chair up your nose
fly a jumbo jet
and bury all your clothes...

any one know the lyrics to that?

FABT

No, that was the crew at Spitting Image, different bunch of people altogether.

Lyrics to follow...

H.

i'll take your word for it hoovooloo

Lyrics, I think, by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. Just before they wrote Red Dwarf, presumably.

"It's the time of year, now that spring is in the air
When those two wet gits, with their girly curly hair
Make another song, for moronic holidays
that nauseate-ate-ates in a million different ways
From the shores of Spain, to the coast of southern France
No matter where you hide, you just can't escape this dance

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deck-chair up your nose
Buy a Jumbo-Jet, and then bury all your clothes
Paint your left knee green, then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet, and pretend your name is Keith.

Skin yourself alive, learn to speak Arapaho
Climb inside a dog, and behead an Eskimo
Eat a Renault 4, wear salami in your ears
Casserole your gran, disembowel yourself with spears

The disco is migrating, the sound is loud and grating
It's truly nausiating - let's do the dance again..

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deck-chair up your nose
Buy a Jumbo-Jet, and then bury all your clothes
Yes you'll hear this song, in the holiday discos
And there's no escape, in the clubs or in the bars
You would hear this song, if you holidayed in Mars

Skin yourself alive, learn to speak Araphaho
Climb inside a dog, and behead an Eskimo
Now you've heard it once, your brain will spring a leak
And though you hate this song you'll be humming it for weeks

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deck-chair up your nose
Buy a Jumbo-Jet, and then bury all your clothes
la la la la la la la....

Famously banned by Radio 1 despite being top of the charts - not, like recently banned records such as Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax" for overt sexual references, but purely because it was so BLOODY IRRITATING!

H.

it just goes to show i spose, that theer are whole big regions of the web that i have never been too................

Another nice in-joke: 'ampaS' means 'academy'. Well, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) is the Oscar jury.

See? That's why I love this place. I don't think I'd ever have got that gag if it hadn't been pointed out. Excellent, Cefpret, thanks!


H.

Entry now updated. Klingon words are now in bold type, to avoid the problem inherent in quoting a language where ' is a distinct letter.

Couple of other minor changes too as a result of further research at the KLI.

H.

Minor point, but I think the link to the Prisoner article should be on the quoted word "prisoner", rather than the pluralised word at the end...

And footnote 5 needs a full stop. (A minor point!)

Full stop added

I disagree about the placement of the link. I think it works better the way it is because you get:

(1) this is the Klingon word - jav
(2) this is what it's slang for - prisoner
(3) this is what it actually normally means in Klingon - number six
(4) THIS is why that's funny - the link to the TV show

If the link is earlier, I don't think the explanation works as well.

H.

thanks for the lyrics man

FABT