The Post Horror Scope
Created | Updated Apr 25, 2002
Another week has flown by, they do seem to go by at a rate of speed these days. I remember when I was young the week before Christmas seemed an eternity, and now, well a week goes so fast that I barely have time to register that it was there. Still, what I do know is that the future is looking bright for everyone this week, but don’t blink or you will miss it...
I am quite willing to answer all questions and queries regarding this subject, and if wanted I can help with problems from researchers via e-mail. Due to time restrictions I cannot reply to each individual e-mail personally, but will give the answer to your problems on the Horror Scope page. Please send your letters and queries to me Mystic Greebs.
The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.
For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.
JANUARY
Thursday will be a good day to take time out and enjoy yourself. It is not selfish to take go out and have fun, you will feel a lot better in the long run... or is that with a long run, yes indeed, exercise is the way forward; so don those leotard's and get moving.
FEBRUARY
The Splat of the Tomato Sauce reveals that you will come into some money in the near future. Don't celebrate too quickly, as it will not be a great fortune, but if managed sensibly you could live off the interest for maybe fifteen or twenty... days.
MARCH
Simon says, 'Put your hands in the air.' Simon says, 'Wiggle them about.' Simon says, 'Flap your hands at your sides.' Simon says, 'Make the noise of a chicken.' Greebo says, 'You are now looking very silly, you can stop now.'
Did you stop? If you did, you're out, 'cause it was me not Simon who told you to!!
APRIL
The conjunction of the major planets is sending signals to Uranus, these signals should not be ignored; for ignoring signals to Uranus will only lead to it becoming disturbed and possibly agitated, with the forgone conclusion of Uranus emitting loud thwarping noises when least expected.
MAY
The Dregs at the bottom of Coffee Cup point out that a large shadow will appear on the horizon from Friday this week. It does not mean the end of the world as we know it, no matter what the songs says. So don't worry...
JUNE
The Crystal Ball was unusually clear today, a good sign, meaning you will have nothing to worry about in the upcoming week. You will find a new challenge seeking you out by the weekend.
JULY
The Tiddly Winks reveal that you will meet three strangers this week, a cowardly lion, a scarecrow and a tin man. It would be best for all concerned if your ignored them and whatever you do, DO NOT follow the yellow brick road. Try clicking your heels together and saying outloud, 'There's no place like home'. Keep clicking your heels and repeating the phrase until something happens...
AUGUST
Oh dear, not a good reading in the Tarot Cards for you this week, not to worry, things could be worse... Er... well actually they couldn't, but that no reason for you to feel depressed. 'Keep your chin up and your head down', that's what my Mother used to say, bless her.
SEPTEMBER
The Tea Leaves reveal that you have a long journey in front of you; it will be to a place you have
long wanted to go. Don't forget all you friends whilst you are away send us a postcard, make us all
jealous by writing what a wonderful time you are having.
OCTOBER
The Whingy Board has a message for you to pass on to a friend you last saw standing naked in the
middle of a park, "Can I have my clothes back now, I am sorry for laughing."
NOVEMBER
You have been feeling grumpy and not happy, this has made Happy very upset, and he called Grumpy,
dopey. Dopey felt bashful, and Bashful went off to visit his Doc. Doc told him to stop being silly
and to eat nuts.", Bashful said "nuts made him feel sneezy", and Sneezy replied "You can stop feeling me
because I am sleepy." Which made Sleepy grumpy and not happy, go back to start.
So there you are, cheer up, or you will have a lot to answer to!!
DECEMBER
It's that time of year again, time for you to do a spot of spring cleaning, and don’t be afraid to
throw away things you have not used for years. You must be very brutal, and consign the lot to
your dustbin, or better yet, to the local charity shop.
DISCLAIMER
As we all know fortune telling is not an exact science, so Greebo T. Cat, The Post and indeed h2g2 cannot be held responsible for anything printed in The Horror Scope that is not one hundred percent
truthful. To be honest, I think you should all be jolly happy if one percent of the predictions come true.
This statement in no way refutes Ms Cat's mystical gifts. So there!!!
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Mystic Greebs
