h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Post them here, please.

We'll collect them all over the summer break and publish what we have in September.

MOSQUITO
Mango swamps in the Lagos lagoon,
Offer respite and shade in the tropical noon,
Slipping steadily into a G& T trance,
Quietly sozzled with Saint Vitus Dance.

Under the punkha, racked with pain,
I lie in oblivion, sweating again,
Taking the paludrine didn't do aught,
Only forget where I put the gin that I bought.

ETIHAD
Every time I am reminded of the middle of the east,
Thoughts dark and dreadful permeate my mind,
I think of all excesses ever dreamt of by mankind,
Having gathered for their grim satanic feast.
Arms and oil form the basics of the meal they will gorge,
Death is but the only thing their foundries will forge.

Mad you go on hearing its sound
On it with any item you'll pound.
Squash it, just try again and again.
Quick, there it sits - but you hit vain,
Under your nose and around your head;
It's mocking you until it is dead.
There it is - no, it has moved again...
On the wall... Thud! What a lovely stain!

Ethelred was king of Wessex
Tudor he was not.
I believe the first of that lot
Henry VII, was from Wales
And he married Yorke's Liz
During his reign there was peace.

Madman considers civilisation a bore.
Off he goes, helpless family in tow,
Seeking freedom from consumer excess.
Quickly he finds himself missing comforts
Under the heat of the tropical sun.
Ice is required. He has know-how.
Super-sized fridge in jungle explodes.
Tremulous hymns float o'er croc-infested waters.
Oldest son stares at avenging gull.

(Plot summary of Paul Theroux's classic novel of survivalist insanity, "The Mosquito Coast".)

Emir Khan flew to Khalifa City,
Told the girls there were awfully pretty.
Idly lifted a veil,
He was carted to jail.
Abu Dhabi cops showed him no pity.
Don't go flirting in Khalifa City.