JJ's Carmalised Movie Review

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The Time Machine

Time: Approximately 120 minutes (give or take).

Director: Simon Wells.

Cast: Guy Pearce (Alexander Hartdegen), Mark Addy (Dr. Philby), Jeremy Irons, Yancey Arias (Toren), Philip Bosco, Sienna Guillory (Emma), Phyllida Law, Omero Mumba (Kalen), Samantha Mumba (Mara), Josh Stamberg (J.P. Fitzroy).

'Once again,'

writes Greg Dean Schmitz of UpcommingMovies.com,
'Here comes another modern remake. You'll see me repeat this often, but my general attitude is that remakes are fine as long as they're remaking a flawed film that needs fixing, or at least, updating. So, does George Pal's 1960 science-fiction epic fit that requirement? I think it does, though it's a borderline.'

I (as in me, Jade,) think it does, and dually that Greg Dean Schidtz wouldn't know good film if it walked up and gave him a nice big bite on the bum.

The Time Machine (as you might or might not know) was based on a book written originally by HG Wells. You also might not know that it's been made before, but in something like 1960 (a really long time ago, so no one of the X-generation that Jade belongs to really cares, even though they might like to pretend that they do,) when the 'special effects' weren't really all that special (comparitively to what we have now, anyway). It kicked bum. And dually, took (more than just a few) names. It actually picked you up and bought you dinner before taking you back to its place for the initial mind screw that (initially) ensued.

In short, I loved it. I mean, WOW. And because of this, it deserves no less than the synopsis of a nine-year old (my own Kaylen Hunter, AkA Frodo Baggins, of the SherrelWood Afterschool Programme). So here it is. (Verbatim, even. Ah, the wonder of portable tape recorders...)

'So what happens is there's this guy in the past and he's a teacher and he has a girlfriend but she gets shot. And so the guy goes crazy and he makes this machine so he can go back in time and fix the bad stuff in the past and so he does but then she dies again so he decides to go to the future to figure things out or something (I didn't really understand that part really,) and he finds a girl without many clothes on and she's that Samantha Mumba girl who my mom likes to listen to in the car when she takes me to school. But anyway. So he goes to the future and finds this girl, but then she gets kidnapped so he rescues her from the scary guys that eat people and the albino (I will break in here and tell you that yes, he did in fact, say 'albino' - I was much impressed.) scary guy with the blue eyes. But then he kills the albino guy and everything is happy ever after and he stays in the future and all that.'

And I must say that I agree. It (the movie) was happy, I was happy. This was the sort of film that quite almost made up for the severe lack of movies that I had for two weeks straight. No wait, scratch that. It completely made up for the severe lack of movies that I had for two weeks. The movie (as I have proclaimed above,) is a bit over 2 hours. But it doesn't seem that long at all. The action and flow of the film are constant, keeping one bound be a stream of... movie consciousness (if you will,) that refuses to 1) let go, and 2) stop.

I have to admit to being a bit disappointed when it was all over, but I must add that I usually find this a good quality in movies. I mean, seriously now, when you can honestly say you've left a movie wanting more, I think that the production company and actors and director/s and such have done their job, and then some. And I can honestly say that The Time Machine blew the heck out of my mind.

Before I finish this review, I have to say one thing: GUY PIERCE! I LOVE YOU!

There, I've said it.

The Time Machine, in all it's glory, has received full marks (meaning all five smiley - smiley's.). And a lot of gold stars. And an A +. And a smiley - pirate . And a smiley - sheep (because there isn't a llama smiley).

Jedi Jade

14.03.02 Front Page

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