Australia: drinking in.
Created | Updated Oct 20, 2010
DRINKING IN AUSTRALIA
(or, communication through glassware)
If you only remember one sentence, remember this:
NEVER PLACE YOUR EMPTY GLASS UPSIDE DOWN ON THE BAR.
Drinking in Australia is incredibly easy to do. There are more
pubs and bars than there are places to eat, which demonstrates how Australians
prioritise eating and drinking. If, however, you have any trouble
finding a pub, knock on any door to any building and the occupant will
not only tell you where the closest pub is, but most likely offer you a
‘traveller’ (beer to be drunk on the way).
HOW TO ORDER A DRINK.
1. Beer.
There is a vast array of different glassware that beer
can be consumed from, ranging from the mouthful-sized pony, to the ludicrously
enormous birthday pot. Choosing a size is not easy as the same size will
have different names from state to state, and the same name can be applied
to different sizes in different states. Just ask for a ‘middie’ until you
have a grasp on the local terminology. This is 285ml or half a pint. (e.g.
in Victoria, this is termed a ‘pot’ and in South Australia, a ‘schooner’.
In New South Wales, a ‘schooner’ is 425ml, and a pot is something you put
plants in). No need to designate any particular variety of beer as you
will automatically be given the most popular and affordable.
2. Spirits.
Order the spirit first, then the mixer. This rule is not
absolute, but anyone that asks for ‘soda and whiskey’ or ‘ soda, lime and
vodka’ will be thought of as Norwegian and/or a moron.
3. Wine.
Be very careful ordering wine. Not so long ago this drink was
the province of ‘sheilas’ and ‘poofters’. Most of the major cities’ drinking
establishments will have absolutely no problem with wine. Indeed, most
will have impressive wine lists. Country pubs will have ‘white’ and sometimes,
‘red’, both from a box.
4. Soft drink.
An order of a non-alcoholic beverage must always be followed
by an apologetic, "I’m driving".
PAYING FOR YOUR DRINK.
Cash is a start. Australian currency a must, unless you wish to
have large denomination US dollar bills exchanged at horrifying rates (Any
bar tender in Australia will happily exchange 100 pounds or US dollars
for !00 Australian, which are the only two denominations they know they
can double their money on). Have the money ready.
Visa or Mastercard are usually accepted when running up a tab,
but not for one purchase at a time.
Tipping is not compulsory in Australia, and is usually received
in the same way that one would receive charity. I.e. badly, and with forced
gratitude.
RETURNING YOUR GLASS.
This, also is not compulsory, but is received better than a tip.
There are four ways to place the glass on the bar top.
1. Empty, upright, money alongside.
This signifies that you would like the same again please. Feel
free to turn your back, talk to your friends, whatever. Nobody will steal
your money. Anyone that does will, if caught, undergo extensive facial
manipulation, which is why nobody does it. The next time you turn around,
you will see your drink, and correct change.
2. Empty, upright, no money.
This signifies that you desire interaction with the bartender.
This may be for a query, different drink than the last one, or a cricket
score.
3. Empty, glass laying on it’s side.
"I’m off now, no more drinks, pay no more attention to me. (This
simple gesture is also generally received better than a tip)
4. Emptyish, upside down.
Traditionally, this indicated that you thought that you wished
to fight everyone in the establishment, and thought you could still win
easily. NEVER DO THIS, even jokingly. Australians DO NOT find it funny
AT ALL. Most of the time you will not get in a fight, unless you fail to
notice the seething hatred, the utter contempt emanating from every individual
in the vicinity, and do not LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. If a fight does start, you
will have to fight everyone in the pub, until you are deemed to have taken
sufficient punishment.
CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES
Keep all opinions to yourself, unless you wish to say how great
Australia is, and how crap the US is.
CITIZENS OF CANADA
Please make clear that you are Canadian as soon as possible. Australians
have trouble differentiating your accent. Generally, an Australian in a
pub will welcome a Canadian, whilst barely tolerating an American.
(or, communication through glassware)
If you only remember one sentence, remember this:
NEVER PLACE YOUR EMPTY GLASS UPSIDE DOWN ON THE BAR.
Drinking in Australia is incredibly easy to do. There are more
pubs and bars than there are places to eat, which demonstrates how Australians
prioritise eating and drinking. If, however, you have any trouble
finding a pub, knock on any door to any building and the occupant will
not only tell you where the closest pub is, but most likely offer you a
‘traveller’ (beer to be drunk on the way).
HOW TO ORDER A DRINK.
1. Beer.
There is a vast array of different glassware that beer
can be consumed from, ranging from the mouthful-sized pony, to the ludicrously
enormous birthday pot. Choosing a size is not easy as the same size will
have different names from state to state, and the same name can be applied
to different sizes in different states. Just ask for a ‘middie’ until you
have a grasp on the local terminology. This is 285ml or half a pint. (e.g.
in Victoria, this is termed a ‘pot’ and in South Australia, a ‘schooner’.
In New South Wales, a ‘schooner’ is 425ml, and a pot is something you put
plants in). No need to designate any particular variety of beer as you
will automatically be given the most popular and affordable.
2. Spirits.
Order the spirit first, then the mixer. This rule is not
absolute, but anyone that asks for ‘soda and whiskey’ or ‘ soda, lime and
vodka’ will be thought of as Norwegian and/or a moron.
3. Wine.
Be very careful ordering wine. Not so long ago this drink was
the province of ‘sheilas’ and ‘poofters’. Most of the major cities’ drinking
establishments will have absolutely no problem with wine. Indeed, most
will have impressive wine lists. Country pubs will have ‘white’ and sometimes,
‘red’, both from a box.
4. Soft drink.
An order of a non-alcoholic beverage must always be followed
by an apologetic, "I’m driving".
PAYING FOR YOUR DRINK.
Cash is a start. Australian currency a must, unless you wish to
have large denomination US dollar bills exchanged at horrifying rates (Any
bar tender in Australia will happily exchange 100 pounds or US dollars
for !00 Australian, which are the only two denominations they know they
can double their money on). Have the money ready.
Visa or Mastercard are usually accepted when running up a tab,
but not for one purchase at a time.
Tipping is not compulsory in Australia, and is usually received
in the same way that one would receive charity. I.e. badly, and with forced
gratitude.
RETURNING YOUR GLASS.
This, also is not compulsory, but is received better than a tip.
There are four ways to place the glass on the bar top.
1. Empty, upright, money alongside.
This signifies that you would like the same again please. Feel
free to turn your back, talk to your friends, whatever. Nobody will steal
your money. Anyone that does will, if caught, undergo extensive facial
manipulation, which is why nobody does it. The next time you turn around,
you will see your drink, and correct change.
2. Empty, upright, no money.
This signifies that you desire interaction with the bartender.
This may be for a query, different drink than the last one, or a cricket
score.
3. Empty, glass laying on it’s side.
"I’m off now, no more drinks, pay no more attention to me. (This
simple gesture is also generally received better than a tip)
4. Emptyish, upside down.
Traditionally, this indicated that you thought that you wished
to fight everyone in the establishment, and thought you could still win
easily. NEVER DO THIS, even jokingly. Australians DO NOT find it funny
AT ALL. Most of the time you will not get in a fight, unless you fail to
notice the seething hatred, the utter contempt emanating from every individual
in the vicinity, and do not LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. If a fight does start, you
will have to fight everyone in the pub, until you are deemed to have taken
sufficient punishment.
CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES
Keep all opinions to yourself, unless you wish to say how great
Australia is, and how crap the US is.
CITIZENS OF CANADA
Please make clear that you are Canadian as soon as possible. Australians
have trouble differentiating your accent. Generally, an Australian in a
pub will welcome a Canadian, whilst barely tolerating an American.
