h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well I've had a go at improving this article and now I open it up to you to give me comments and tips. It may take you longer this time to read through it. I hope its better this time round.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A678521

As I said in the other thread, get rid of the magenta text. Magenta on white is really hard to read. I'll look at it then.

sorry I didn't get that message till after I'd edited the text!!!

I've put the colour back to default

does someone want to make any comments now I have put the colour back to default???

hi. You can't tell me that there's nothing wrong with my entry?!?!?!?!?! Can you?

Hi, Tally. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I think your entry still needs a little work before it is Edited Guide Material.

1. It needs a proper introduction. Start by saying "Heroquest is a board game that was available in the 1980s. It featured tiny models of heroes and monsters which later led to the invention of the Warhammer pastime, an immensely popular one in the UK and Ireland." or something like that.

2. Since there is no edited guide entry on Warhammer for you to link to, you will have to give a brief description of what Warhammer is, as well.

3. You are not allowed mention yourself directly in edited entries, so you can say things like "as far as I know". You'll have to think of some way of rewording these bits.

There are one or two minor grammar and spelling problems, but I'm not going to list them off here, as I don't want to put you off. When you think you have it exactly the way you want it, do a proofread of it, or better still, give it to a friend to proofread. Then get back to us and we'll tell you if there is further room for improvement, in our opinion. Remember, it's your entry, so you decide when you are happy with it. We just advise.

Number 3 in my previous posting should of course say "you can't say things like 'as far as I know'". Sorry about that.

Right I'm onto it......well as soon as I get chance!

Still found no time?

As Gnomon said, a few words about warhammer should be in order.

typos:
layed out -> laid out
differnet -> different
during there turn -> their
characters abilities -> characters' abilities
These special dice ... printed on its -> on their
and more madels -> models

The two sentences at the very bottom won't be included in the Edited copy but since this is your copy you might as well keep them there.

Question: is it really playable with only two players (one of them being the gamesmaster)?

Oh, the 'warhammer' reference *is* there Should perhaps be moved up into the intro.


Hmm, after all, those are really minor niggles on a well-written entry! ...

I think it should be ok now.

Hopefully.

I don't. Please refer to my posting 8.

oh...I thought I got rid of them...did I miss one....going to look....I'll reply once sorted

Sorry..my mistake! I think I've sorted it now...I'm just not that good at this.

Hi Tally! That looks a lot better. There are still one or two minor spelling mistakes (lead, seperate). I'll sort them out later.

There is only one main problem with this entry, as far as I am concerned, and it is a grammatical one. You use what are called run-on sentences. You have what should be two separate sentences, but you run them together by putting a comma between them. For example, you say:

"This is a boardgame with a difference, it comes with many small models and several seperate game cards."

This should really be two separate sentences:

"This is a boardgame with a difference. It comes with many small models and several separate game cards."

I gave up counting after I had found six of these errors. Re-read the entry and think about each comma. Would the sentence work if the comma was replaced by a full stop? If so, change it.

I agree with Gnomon. This is a good entry, but it would really help if he fixed up the stuff he mentioned.

I have a lot of friends who were really into Warhammer - I thought some of it looked quite good but it was so expensive - $40 Australian for a tiny lead model??

Good morning Niwt!

Also, your entry is unclear about Warhammes. Citadel Miniatures / Games Workshop, who manufacture Warhammer, Warhammer 40,000 and so on, are still alive and well, very rich and based in Nottingham, with stores worldwide. However, your Entry makes it sound as if Warhammer is also extinct!

Whoami?

Its not really about warhammer more the game that created the idea... I'll sort out the article with the finishing touches as soon as I can... I'll keep u posted.